Summertime sadness

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Claire left for camp! 😭😭😭 now I have no one to ask to go shopping with me at 10 at night! 😭😭😭 it's going to suck when we go to different colleges and can't go shopping together anymore. 😭😭 she's my best firend, I may not be her's but she's mine. We get each other. We make each other laugh nonstop, we randomly go to Walmart just because, we count money for 20 minutes 😂. She makes me a better person honestly. I'm going to miss her so much, I really hope we stay friends for a long time. ❤️❤️❤️
Okay now Kane, ofc I have to talk about Kane! 😂 okay so we were teasing each other in the grext quite a bit today. I was teasing him saying repeatedly that he liked this one girl and I kept at it. Then I brought up how I've been talking to my roommates for college he immediately asked if they were cute 🙄🙄🙄, he's been doing that a lot lately. Whenever I bring up a girl he asks if they're cute I usually roll my eyes and he responds "I'm asking for you too!" Because I always talk about how I'm questuas in not 100% sure of my sexuality. I mean I know I'm attracted to guys, but sometimes I find myself attracted to girls too and I'm like what am I!?! But I also prefer not to label it cause who the fuck cares!?! So I just say I'm questioning. Anyway he brings up the fact that I'm questioning a TON! Like whenever we talk about attractive people or people we just met or anything regarding people outside our group. It just seems a bit weird to me! Idk it's like he's trying to get me to say something about it? It's odd and it kind of seems like he's curious about my orientation, which I get but not in the "who are you attracted to?" Way but in the "are you attracted to me?" Way. It always seems to me like he likes me.... I think I'm always going to really like him. Cause honestly at one point I thought I was in love with him. And I could have been I have no idea.... but he's always kind of there. Always in the back of my mind whenever I think about how badly I want a significant other and want a family. I used to think my first crush was my first love but I actually think Kane is it. And sometimes when I'm out of my mind I think about how we could be it for each other, like soulmates in a way..... it sucks cause I know that's not how it's going to work out.... *sigh* anyway that's about all I have to say about that.
So I started talking to one of my three roommates in college! I've been talking to one for a few days now and she seems really cool! We have a bit in common so that's good. The other I just started talking to today and she seems cool too, only thing she smokes pot which isn't a huge problem it just makes me slightly uncomfortable....
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Just realized I never published this.... hmmm anyway. Claire is home again! 😭😭😭 and I'm so lonely!!!  Why don't guys like me in that wayyyyyy 😭😭😭 I'm so bitter! I'm going to end up all alone with my 30 dogs! 😭😭😭😭😭 I just want a boyfriend! I wanna support my man and hype him up. But I also want him to hype me up more! 😭😭😭😭 I want him to hold me and kiss my forehead and agh why!?!?
I want a boyfriend....

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