Write it Down so I Don't Forget

Ugh.

So today was pretty good. However like most days there were some lows. So yesterday my mom commented on my tummy. I was wearing a tighter shirt and she was like "why does your generation like to show your bulges?" (not that bulge, your tummy bulge) and I was like "i mean as long as you're comfortable I don't see a problem with it." I really don't, why the fuck should someone give a crap about another person's body. My mom is such a hypocrite sometimes. She claims to not judge yet almost every sentence is her judging someone! Like wtf!?  It pisses me off. She took it a step further and put on one of my shirts to show it wasn't okay. She started taking me outside and was like "is this acceptable?" Blah blah blah. I said "yes, I don't give a shit what you wear." And she kept saying I was lying and stuff. Then she brought up how I point out how I dislike my other mother's shoes and I'm like shoes are different, I'm not shaming someone for their body. I'm all about body positivity. (Even though I'm mildly anorexic) I still think people should love their body even if I don't love mine. And even if someone doesn't that doesn't give another person the right to shame them and make them feel worse about their appearance.... sometimes I wish my mom would shut up.... tbh. Today I told her what my prom group wanted to do and Vic suggested we go downtown and see a movie, mind you downtown is 20 min from my house, she was like no, which I understand but she went further as usual and was like " I don't like who ever gave you that idea" blah blah blah. Ugh like okay all you have to do is say no. But other than family drama.
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Yesterday I decided that I was going to attend the same college as my brother. Several reasons for me choosing that school, far enough but not too far, I'd be closer to my bro and Vic is gong there too so I'll have at least one friend.
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Today was pretty good until I got home. Not that anything particularly bad happened I just don't want to be home. So my kitchen got third place for our chicken pot pie! I got a mini spatula and a gift card to Sonic! Which is fun because that's our kitchen's thing, going to sonic. So that was fun. I read in English as Cecily from "The Importance of Being Earnest". I got accepted to another college that I'm not going to even though I'm kind of having second thoughts....
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I'm also confused about my feelings for Kane. Like I like him, I know that. I still do unfortunately. It's hard to get rid of them.... I know he doesn't like me. But a part of me still hopes. Ugh confusing. Claire and I were talking about how he is the type of guy you marry. He really is. He is probably the sweetest guy I've ever met, he's funny, he has lots of talents. He's kind of the whole damn package. Again, unfortunately! After calculus we usually go separate directions but today he walked with me because he could branch off and still get to class on time, he usually goes a quicker way but not today. We were laughing all during 6th and we're having a blast. Times like that remind me why I started liking him to begin with. He's just so damn easy to talk to and we just get each other! He is so the type of guy you marry. He's romantic, and sweet, funny, charming. Just ugh honestly the perfect guy. This sounds like some story book character but I kid you not this is a real person. Maybe he only seems perfect to me idk.... Kane is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 in every way. I make fun of him and tease him and give him a ton of shit but he's a great guy. And any girl would be lucky to have him. I'd be luck af.