Write it Down so I Don't Forget

My mom is hilarious

Work up early and dos homework as usual.... Had a written Hamlet exam in English, it was easy and I wrote a lot. Now I'm in government, just took an FRQ probably aced it because it was super easy and we got to use our notes so it was even better! Anyway yeah pretty mundane day so far. Next I have lunch so I'll see Kane, we might not talk a whole lot because Claire might be going to finish her biology lab and Erin isn't here today.
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During lunch Claire was working so Kane and I talked the whole period about random stuff. He was talking about how he used to play soccer and how he realized there was a winner and loser in life so it's the story of how life slapped him in the face. Then he was like "and I slapped life right back, except it was more like a tap." While he says this he back hands me softly.... It was so random and weird if only he caresses my cheep rather than back handing it softly 😂😂 Then during calculus he took a picture of the board and I was like can you send that in the grext so he looks at me and winks... What the heck he doesn't wink because he is bad at it... Like no stop... After te lesson we talk about who is the most blank in the group and he ranks us most to least masculine, he says he is number one. So I reply with the only reason you are the most is because you are the only actual guy, and he rolls his eyes and is thinking about which of us comes next and he slowly starts pointing his finger at me. What!??!? I'm the most girly out of the three of us I mean that's not saying much but I wear make up and wear girlier outfits compared to Erin and Claire. It's not an offensive thing but I like him so I'd like him to think of me as more girlfriend material not girl friend material!! ☹️ and when we were at Starbucks last week he says he doesn't think I could be affectionate in a relationship! I can be affectionate if I like you! Hint hint I like you!!
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Today Kane was talking about going to this outside mall, it's our of my driving radius so I was thinking about it and he could like totally take me! 💁🏻 We also talked about doing our present exchange at his house! I'll get to meet his parents, if they're home anyway. We're doing a secret Santa btw forgot to say that earlier. I have Erin and I was really hoping Kane had me but I don't think he does... ☹️ I think Claire does. But yeah so I need to get Erin's stuff I'm going to go to my fave store and get elephant themed things. I saw this mug there that reminded me of Erin so hopefully I'll be able to find it again. Then we are also each going to get each other little things and my idea was to make coupons for me to do a favor for them. Idk that's the best thing I came up with lol. It's supposed to be a small something and could be dumb so that's what I'm going with. Sort of like a white elephant present. Each day I want to ask him to hang out more and more and I keep thinking about how I want us to be end game. Super unrealistic but it's what I want ATM so I'm going to go with it even though it's highly unlikely. I really like him and it drives me insane! Ugh like what the hell! It's so dumb just a little crush but he makes me automatically happier and makes me laugh all the time I just can't ughhhh. In the fine print of the coupon I kinda want to be like, "I like you" just randomly in the middle of a sentence. I want to scream why can't he ask me out!? 😫
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So I started singing "Tell Me More" from Grease and my mom was like "oh god you do need a boyfriend!" And I'm like "I know right!" So then she asks when I would do once I had one and I'm like "I honestly have no idea....." I was described my perfect date which is just for us to hang out and do random stuff that we like to do and talk. Then I though more about and it and I really can't imagine myself being with anyone. I know I can be affectionate if I wanted to and was comfortable with the person but I can't see myself holding hands or kissing anyone. I was like "oh gosh what if someone tried to hold my hand that would be so weird!" Then she was like "hold your hand what about leaning in for the kiss or going for the grab!!" My mom thought of boob grouping and kissing while I thought of hand holding.... 😂😂😂What the hell! She was like "what if you were out with them and they went in for the grab?" So I responded by looking at my shoulder (like there was a hand there going for the grab) and saying in a serous time with a death glare. "You going to move your hand before I break it?" 😂😂😂 I'd either say that or slap them. Cause ain't no body touching me without my consent! Unless you want to get stabbed. Like no I will break your face you perv! I may hate myself and have a non existent self esteem but I know I'm worth more than your nasty ass hands! Get you're filthy paws off my silky draws! (Anyone!!?!) Then our joking conversation turned slightly serious and she said "you're the kind of person to take things slow and that's okay it better than being 16 and pregnant not knowing what to do." I was like "yeah, I don't have a checklist or anything, but no one really should. People should move at their own pace and shouldn't be pressured into anything they aren't comfortable with. That's another reason I like Kane, I know he would be 100% respectful if we were together and he'd plan well in advance to make sure my first kiss was perfect. His first kiss was at the botanical garden with a girl ironically named Elizabeth as well. He planned it ahead and apparently it was super romantic, but after she told him she liked someone else and now doesn't talk to him anymore. What even more ironic is that the guy she liked called me wifey all of freshman year, more sure if he did it because he liked me or because he wanted to annoy me..... I want that... I want Kane to plan super romantic dates and me plan super fun not well thought out dates but we have a good time anyway because we're together. Ughhh I'm so sappy today!  I have such a headache I'm going to bed.