Write it Down so I Don't Forget

Kane's party

So woke up late because I felt like it and got dressed rather quickly, got ready quickly too. I have my last exam today and it's in government, so easy. So I didn't do the review I planned on.... Oops... Anyway I've got my outfit picked out for later and money for the mall. Hopes are high and I'll probably be let down but it's okay, no one is killing my happiness for the two week well deserved break.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Studied a bit for gov.... Not as much as I should have I'll admit. Currently waiting outside my gov teacher's room. I love my gray boots but with the outfit I'm wear I should have worn my brown ones... Oh if you're wondering I'm wearing an oversized table knot white sweater with dark wash jeans (they're navy blue ish) and suede gray above the ankle studded boots. Low key always wanted to be a beauty guru on YouTube but I'm not pretty enough so yeah lol. But I love fashion and make up. Also I sometimes act as if I'm recording a video and will say in my head the pieces I'm wearing and where they are from. I'm a freak....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just talked to Claire, she said she texted Kane telling him she needed to talk to him. But then she told him never mind after I told her I wasn't sure, she the real MVP. She is a great wing woman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That gov exam took me a whole 30 min.... And I went back and checked my answers... It was so easy what the hail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So back to when I was talking to Claire. She asked me what would help me to get over him, specifically what he could do. And I don't think he could do anything because I'd know he was doing it for me and that would make me like him more. I think I just need to stop talking about it. I read somewhere that the more you talk about someone the more you like them. It makes total sense since I talk about him all the dang time and write about him... So from here out I'm going to try to talk about him less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is just going to be a lot of chores, I'm going to clean my room really well and wrap presents. So I said yesterday that I was going to dip into my past more so I will.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Okay so the reason I call my other mother that is because she really isn't my mom, she adopted me but that's about where her "parenting" ended. She is more like that aunt you see at reunions that's gives you cash every year for your birthday but that's where your relationship starts and ends. When I was younger she was "my favorite parent" but back then I didn't know what being a parent meant. She let me get away with everything and got me pretty much anything I wanted. As I get older I realized she was just the lazy parent that didn't know how to parent. Since my parents split I rarely see her, she didn't make an effort to see me only to see my mom because she still wants to be with her. She doesn't ask me to go out for dinner and catch up or anything like that. Then she tries to make me feel bad for not telling her I got into college or into national honor society. You should try contacting me once in a while to see how I am not the other way around you're the parent who is supposed to care for me not the other way around. She calls my mom everyday but I barely get a text from her.... At this point I don't care but I hate when she tries to act like she's my mom. When I do see her she is there for my mom as opposed to me, but it's whatever at this point I don't care. She doesn't know a thing about me now, she is so stuck in the past and wants things to go back to the way they were but that's never going to happen. It's just not. Neither my mom nor I want to live with her. Like ugh she has so many problems that I'm not going to deal with. My bro doesn't understand any of this because he moved out by the time they split. He still treats her like she is his mom and all I guess because they had a better relationship when he was younger. Since I've been around they've never had a good relationship. I realize that now. I used to play the "I'm too young to understand" game when they'd rant to me about the other but unfortunately now I can't. Since I was 16 I've been planning to take her off my birth certificate when I turn 18 and put my mom's name there. Long story short my other mother officially adopted me and my mom had to go to court to be legally recognized as my parent since back then two women couldn't adopt. So yeah.... That's a bit of my story. I don't know what else to say other than I'll love my other mother always, but she isn't my mom. I love my mommy she takes care of me and loves me unconditionally like a real parent should. I didn't put any of this in my college essays but now I'm rethinking it because this is gold. Anyway I never thought of my life as depressing or lacking something in any way. I love my family and my life (most of the time) when I rant about how much life sucks and shit like that I don't truly mean it, it's just being my angsty teen self. That was good therapy actually.... I've never said it out right how I felt. Of course there is much more but that's all I felt like saying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So that podcast I mentioned a little while ago.... Today he started quoting it and I finished the quote for him.... He looked so surprised that I knew what it was and then he looked down and pondered it for a bit then went all out quoting it. It was awk af.... He was so shocked it made me uncomfortable. But I'm not going to talk about him anymore because I feel sick thinking about him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I accidentally left my tablet (the thing I use to write this story) at my GP's I was going to get it before Kane's party but it was in the opposite direction. So I decided to wait until morning, my mom was going over there and I was going to go with her but I ended up not and she took it. So I didn't have it all day... Oh well it's now Thursday btw and everything before this was Wednesday. So now I need to tell y'all all about what happened at Kane's party!! So the day started off okay... After school Claire and Erin came over and we hung out before the party. We went to Target and Chipotle. While Claire was eating I realized I didn't have my tablet because I was in a rush to leave my GP's. Then we were heading to the party 30 min early. I got sure lost and instead of taking 20ish minutes to get there is took me about an hour..... I got sure lost and almost went off the road a bit... I was flustered and anxious. I called my mom and had her direct me to where I needed to go. Finally got there and everyone (8 people not including me) were there all talking. I called Kane as I was pulling into the neighborhood so he could direct me to his house. I'm was super frustrated so I was like growing more irritated and he he just kept trying to calm me down. He was like "it's fine you'll get here you're fine." And things along those lines, he told me he'd wait at the end of the street for me and flash his light. I saw him and turned in. The so he called it "cul-de-sac" was so freaking narrow you can't even call it one.... It was barely a semi-circle.... Anyway I get out and we talk a bit about how I got so lost and thought I saw Claire and Erin driving. He opened the door for me like a gentleman, his house was extremely nice. Everything seemed perfect, almost too perfect. Everything matched, the walls the decorations, and even the Christmas tree. Like dang.... I sat down beside Erin and Claire telling them all about my awful time driving there. They told me they got there in 15 minutes..... What the hell.... Ughh it was so frustrating I can't even. So I was talking to some girls and then Kane says "Elizabeth, did you know Hitler and Stalin were childhood friends?" And I was like "makes sense." The he was like "see if you say things with complete confidence people believe you." I gaped at him and said "I hate you." Everyone erupted in laughter. We talked more and eventually went outside to sit around the fire his dad had built. His dad was chill, we talked a bit. Inside Kane and I say directly across from each other, and same with outside.... So so I was talking to Claire and Courtney right and then Courtney pulls up this thing on her phone, I lean over and apparently Erin's hot chocolate is on the arm, her drink spills into my chair and a little bit of my drink spills into Courtney, not that much though, just a few drops whereas Erin's entire drink spills into my chair.... I go inside and start rising it out and stuff, however my sweater is white.... So long story short I end up borrowing his mom's sweater! Only to me! At first this other parent there was like "does Kane have anything she can borrow?" And internally I was like "oh gosh please no!!!" Erin smirked at me and was like "your dream come true" it's so not my dream come true that would I be a nightmare! How embarrassing is that!?? I had to borrow his mom's sweater! Good thing I decided against white pants because I knew I was bound to spill something on myself! Ugh anyway so yeah I wore her sweater all night... We chatted more around the fire and multiple times Kane walked over to where Claire, Erin and I were sitting to talk. We chatted not about anything or interest then he sat back in his chaired across from mine. The fire was going an over it we make eye contact for a bit. It was like Romaric I guess? If there weren't other people around. When we made eye contact he fixed his hair the way he did when I first realized I had a crush on him..... Ughh I heard this one girl that I used to be best friends with Anna, talking about The Vampire Diaries and so her and I start dividing it very loudly. Courtney and this other girl are like "oh god were in the middle of this." We were practically shouting... Kane kept saying, at random times "omg Stefan!?!" Like he knew what we were talking about and so did his friend Zack, the one I met at the talent show. While Claire and Erin were gone Kane came over to me and asked me to rate his friend Alex (the attractive friend I haven't met yet.....) on a scale of 1-10 and I was like a solid 9. Then Anna was like wait here is a more accurate picture of I'm now since he cut his hair. I gave him a 6, his long hair was way better. Zack was holding her phone and was taking it away but then he zoomed in and was like "that's Kane's abs." And I just rolled my eyes and looked up at Kane. He looked like he was thinking. I was hoping he'd look embarrassed or something to give away that he liked me or something.... But of course he doesn't so that didn't happen. Sad face.... I had fun but the my mom texted me that I needed to come home, I wasn't all that sad because I felt slightly out of place.... Claire and Erin talked to Kane's mom for a long time so I was there being my awkward self and just sitting there listening to their conversation as I waited for them to get back. I was the last to arrive and the first to leave. Nice job Elizabeth.... I like had my back to him and quietly told him my mom wanted me home then left after giving his mom her sweater back. It was so awkward to leave in just a tank top that looked like crap..... So I got home and told my mom my embarrassing moment at Kane's then I went to bed. That's all the interesting ish parts about my night. I like him more after being at his house and Courtney's.... Which is extremely unfortunate..... Ugh I hate him for being so damn likable! I'm pretty sure Claire didn't say anything to Kane. :-( oh well I should just ask him out myself.... I really want to so I should just suck it up and ask him.... Ugh oh well... Anyway it's late just got back from another holiday party so I'm going to bed I'll write about Today (Thursday) tomorrow (Friday).