Body Positivity

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by chameleonboii

by chameleonboii

i in no way support romanticizing anorexia/body dysmorphia/any eating disorder,, i think all bodies are super beautiful!!! that being said TRIGGER WARNING: anorexia mentions/body dysmorphia/eating disorder

Evan let the tears stream down his face and down his body as he looked into the mirror. He couldn't stand to look at himself, yet he couldn't stop staring.

"Evan! Hurry up! School!" He heard his mom call him and he hurried to change into an oversized hoodies, one of Connor's old ones, to try to hide any sort of body shape under the clothing. He ran down the stairs and grabbed his bag to run out the door.

"Bye Mom!" He yelled on his way out, skipping breakfast to try to run as fast as he could to school. Tears remained at the brim of his eyes still, but he tried to blink them away rapidly as the wind cut across his face.

Connor saw his boyfriend walking into the school and smiled as he snuck up behind him. He wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Hi cutie." Connor said with a perky tone, coming to besides Evan and holding his arm around his waist. Evan moved Connor's hand from his waist, frowning when he could feel the skin that Connor had grazed his hand over.

"Hi..." Evan's voice was laced with a cold tone, shoving his hands in his pockets and avoiding Connor's gaze.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. I'll see you after school." Evan walked ahead of Connor, rushing to get to his first period class when he felt a lump in his throat from oncoming tears. Connor looked after his boyfriend with a lost glance, scared of what was out of the ordinary behavior from him.

Evan hid in the corner of the bathroom during lunch, scurrying to hide in a stall when he saw Connor came in. He didn't want anyone to see him, especially Connor. He was ashamed of his body, the way his skin fell upset him. Later when the final bell rang, he did his best to sneak past Connor but cringed when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.

"Can you just leave me the fuck alone?" Evan lashed out, his voice cracking midway from starting to cry. He ran from Connor, not to his house but to his favorite field lined with trees. He crumbled under his favorite, a huge oak with roots that stuck out. He leant against one of the huge roots and let the tears fall down his face again as he hid his face in his hands. The familiar sound of boots crinkling in leaves lead his head to look up, frowning more to see Connor.

"Evan Hansen tell me whats wrong." Connor said sternly but his voice full of deep concern, sitting down next to his boy and hurting to see his tears.

"I already told you, I'm fine. I-It's nothing..." Evan murmured, zipping up the hoodie he had on a little more and looking away from Connor.

"Evan."

"Why do you even care? I'm an ugly fat fuck. You could do so much better..." His voice trailed off as his crying interrupted his voice. He heard Connor's breath hitch, and felt an arm drape around his shoulders and hold him tight.

"I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you, Ev. I mean that. Your body is so fucking amazing... Even if you can't see it. I can. I've seen you... You take my breath away. If anyones telling you otherwise I can beat them-"

"I-I'm sure people think it... If I think it why s-shouldn't anyone else...?" Evan hid his face into Connor's side.

"Shh... No. Listen, all bodies are pretty. Especially yours. I love your body... I love you. Your weight is so healthy right now, just keep breathing." Connor talked slowly and quietly, rubbing Evan softly. Evan climbed in between Connor's legs, letting Connor hold him against his chest. He started regulating his breath more, timing it with Connor's soft heart beat.

"I'm s-so sorry for yelling at y-you... I l-love you." Evan whispered, whimpering and reaching out to hold one of Connor's hands. He held the boys painted nails in his own hands covered with tears.

"Don't be sorry... It's okay... You're okay... You're incredibly, actually. You make my life so much better Ev..." Connor reached down to meet Evan's lips, kissing them softly. Evan kissed back, holding his hand tighter and having to reach up a little since Connor was taller. Connor put his hand on Evan's back, feeling him flinch a little and then pulling away.

"M-my fault... I'm sorry... You d-deserve better... S-someone who isn't as much as a fucking problem as I am..." Before Evan could finish his train of thought, Connor grabbed Evan and kissed him again.

"I don't want anyone but you. You're to good for anyone. You're to good for me Evan, but for some reason if you want to stick around..."

"D-Don't leave me Con..."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Ever. I'm yours, Evan Hansen." Evan pushed himself upwards, kissing Connor's lips again. He let Connor lay his hand on his back and he put his hand against the other's chest.

"S-shit... We have to g-go home... My moms home early today a-and..." Connor kissed Evan quickly to quiet him, then pulling the boy up.

"I'll walk you back. I don't want to leave you though..." Connor said with a smirk, doing puppy dog eyes in hopes Evan would let him stay. Evan giggled and held Connor's hand tighter and started walking home.

"Y-you can sleep over..." Evan said as he felt Connor walk closer to him. He leant his head against Connor's shoulder and walked lazily to his house with him.

As the boys entered the house, it was long after dark. Evan had told Connor to be quiet so they didn't wake his mom, the boys giggled anyways, drunk in some love. They made it to Evan's room and both collapsed on his bed. Evan fell on top of Connor, Connor hugging Evan tight to his chest. Evan tangled his legs in Connor's, then pressing his lips to Connor's one last time before both boys passed out.

Heidi Hansen walked by the door suspicious of hearing voices, seeing the boys tangled in each others arms and smiling to herself as she turned off the light.

a.n: im listening to heathers rn i love it sm bUT BE MORE CHILL ONE SHOT BOOK COMING SOON boyf riends ahahahah i love my sons