Matt Brown: Collection of Short Alaskan Bush People Fan Fics

What If I Stay?

Matt stood quietly by the door and hoped you didn't see him.

"Come on in." You said loudly and he smiled and stepped into the room.

You had been staying in the main cabin with his family for over a week. At first, Matt wouldn't even look at you. He knew you were only staying two weeks and then going back home to the lower 48. It seemed like he didn't want to spend any time getting to know someone he would never see again.

"I'm going to try my hand at fishing today." You glanced up at him then back down to where you were prepping your fishing gear. "Do you want to come with me?"

"No." he answered quickly, lowering his eyes.

Bobbing your head, you didn't say anything more. You let the silence float thickly around the room like a damp cloud. Matt kept his hands stuffed in his pants pocket and didn't look at you. After trying so many times to get him to spend time with you, it was now your sad routine to make an offer and watch as he turned you down again and again.

"It's your loss." You attempted a joke. "I was going to share all my fish with you."

"Nah. It's ok. I'll stay here." He moved closer and fiddled with the strap on your tackle bag.

Using your thumb and forefinger, you flicked Matt's hand away from your bag like it was a pesky fly. You were tired of trying to draw him out. The rest of his family was open and kind to you and were happy to spend time with you even it was just for two weeks. People come in and out of your life. That's the way life was. But if you wouldn't risk sharing a small piece of your heart with someone who wasn't planning to stay forever, then you would miss out on so much.

Suddenly angry, you stepped close to Matt and stared him in the eyes. "I've seen you start a conversation with a total stranger and talk for over an hour. But you barely say two words to me."

"Why bother?" The bitter words stung like a wasp.

"I know I'll only be here another week, but don't you think I'm worth getting to know even a tiny bit?"

You were angry that he had dismissed you without ever trying to get to know you. Sure, coming to care for people and then have them leave your life was tough. But it wasn't as if he was in love with you or anything.

Your eyes widened as you considered the one thing you hadn't thought of before. Matt had been cordial but distant since the day you met. How was it possible that he might have feelings for you? Wouldn't you have noticed that before?

"Matt. Are you in love with me?" You said with a whispered voice, too embarrassed to say the words louder. They sounded strange coming from your lips and you weren't even sure what you would say if Matt said yes.

"No." His answer was blunt and he turned away from you. "I don't even know you."

Even more confused, you sat down on the side of the bed and pulled Matt by his jacket to sit beside you. He hesitated at first, but then let himself slump down on the bed, his hands dangling between his legs.

"Ok. You're not in love with me. So what's your problem with me?" You asked.

"What if I wanted to be in love with you?" He said, still looking at the floor.

Your heart clutched in your chest. You had confessed to no one that the one man in Browntown who could have taken your heart was Matt. But when he shut you out from the beginning, you had pushed those feelings away. Hard.

"Would that be such a horrible thing?" You said quietly and leaned closer.

"Why did you come here?" Matt asked suddenly.

He knew why you came to Browntown. It was no secret that you were enticed by the idea of living in the bush by seeing his family on television. When you planned your two-week trip to Alaska, you never imagined you would actually meet any of his family. But you did. And when you were invited to spend your two weeks in Alaska with the family in Browntown, how could you refuse?

"I came here to see what it was like living in the bush." You answered with some of the truth but not all.

"And then you'll go back home and tell everyone how cool it was and how nice we were and that will be the end of it?"

Matt was nothing like you had imagined him to be after watching him on television. He was much quieter. He didn't talk nearly as much as the show seemed to suggest. From the moment you met him a week before, there was a sadness in his eyes that baffled and intrigued you. This Matt was solemn and sensitive but where was the funny, happy Matt that you had seen on TV and everyone who met him talked about? You couldn't deny that you wanted to spend more time getting to know Matt and all the complicated sides to him. But right then, nothing was making any sense to you.

"What do you want me to do?" You finally threw up your hands and stared into his eyes. You honestly didn't know what to say or do next.

"Nothing." He stood up quickly and walked toward the door leading to the stairs.

Matt's hair was starting to grow back from his recent haircut and his silver curls framed his face in the bright sunlight. Searching his face for some indication of what you should say, the words popped into your mind and were out of your mouth before you could bring them back.

"What if I stay?"

Matt's blue eyes lit up and he turned and ran straight at you. Your eyes grew round at the sudden change in him. Grinning and laughing, he flung himself at you and throwing his arms around your waist, he toppled you backwards on the bed.

"HAHA!" His laugh was so loud that you clapped your hands over your ears. "Wonderful! I'll take you fishing today and tomorrow I'll show you where I go look for clams on the beach."

His fingers dug playfully into your sides and you couldn't stop the giggles that bubbled up. Jumping up suddenly, Matt twined his fingers with yours and pulled you up. Grabbing the fishing gear, he began yanking you toward the door as he talked excitedly about the best place to fish and the size of the biggest fish he ever caught.

How could you have known that you were only four words away from this much joy? Your smile never left your face as you strode happily beside Matt toward the small creek. You were thrilled to know this funny, happy side of him was real.  But you couldn't help being grateful that you saw the other side of Matt, too.

There was a dark twinge in the back of your heart, though. Eventually you would have to leave. What would happen then? What if your hearts were so connected by then that when you left, it would tear both of you to pieces?

You felt Matt squeeze your hand and he smiled back at you. He was happier than you had ever seen him and you were happier than you had ever been. So you asked yourself the question that was also your answer.

What if I stay?