Dangerous | b.w.s

74

I click onto the next episode of the series I've been binge watching on Netflix for the past four hours and sigh. I hate nights like these. Nights when I'm left alone and I have no one to talk to, nights when the tumultuous relationship I have with Brad gets the best of me and causes me to overthink. Sometimes I think whether it's worth all of the trouble. I mean, things were good between us, but not for long. It seems as though there is always something to ruin the good days.

I groan and pause the episode, rolling onto my back to try and shut my brain up. How does he affect me this much? This is all over his friends but it always seems like there's some sort of lie or secret that he's keeping from me. I feel like everyone's in on this big joke and I'm clueless to what is actually happening.

"God!" I exclaim and sit up, punching my bed as I do. This is infuriating.

What is the point in sitting here and driving myself crazy? I don't want to be alone but I don't want to see my friends either. So there's nothing for me to do but to sit and think about how I'm in love with a drug dealing criminal. Enough of this.

I grab my phone and my headphones and I storm down the stairs, grabbing my keys and locking the door behind me as I begin angrily walking to my destination. My mind storms over with thoughts as my legs carry me mindlessly down the dimly lit streets. The sun has just set, leaving the sky a dull purple, accompanied by a light breeze. I listen to the sound of nothing and enjoy how bliss it sounds, I wish my mind could be the same.

Eventually, I arrive at the small park that not many people know about but me. I used to visit this place a lot when I was younger, whenever I heard my mother arguing with my step dad, whenever I would miss my mother. It used to help me keep peace of mind, I'm hoping it still will. I sigh and sit down at the base of the large tree that I used to always rest against. I rest my hand against the tree and sigh as memories of a young girl crying against this tree invade my already full mind.

I place my headphones in my ears and lie back against the tree so that I'm staring up at the dull sky. I watch as the dark wisps of clouds drift above me, delicately dancing with each other in some sort of waltz from another world.  I think back to all those times when I would do this to forget about all the hardships in my life and to remember who I am. To remember that no matter how hard my life seems, there is always hope, there is always a way to make it better. I fear that if I don't remember this then I will break under my heartache, because believe me my heart aches. And the last time that I broke, I really broke. Never again will I become that person, I promised I wouldn't.

I take my headphones out and welcome the silence. My mind is free from any thoughts of Brad for a change which is kind of liberating. Ever since I met him, there has not been one moment where I have not thought of him. Whether it has been hating him, lusting for him or loving him. I've not been able to rid him from my mind and now that I have...it's quite nice. I love him but he's so overwhelming sometimes. It's like all I can ever see, hear or think is him and I don't know if that's a good thing.

"What is it with you and trees?" A voice makes me jump and sit up, causing them to chuckle.

"What are you doing here? How do you even know about this place?" I ask him and watch as he sits down beside me.

"I was taking a walk." He smiles. "Then I saw you and you didn't look...the best." He gives me a sympathetic smile.

"I'm fine, Tate." I sigh and lean back against the tree.

"Liv, I just wanted to say-"

"Don't." I interrupt him.