In My Dark Times - The Deal With The Demon

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Louis Tomlinson

I was putting on dry clothes in the bedroom, Harry sitting on the bed, his towel still wrapped around his waist. He hadn't said a word yet. Nothing. I stood in the shower with him for several minutes, and even waited in the bathroom for him to finish; yet, he hadn't uttered 2 words yet.

I slipped my shirt on and looked over at him, his eyes staring off. "Hey."

He glanced back, before his eyes fell again.

"Talk, Harry," I whispered to him.

"We just argued... I kinda said a lot of things to him... things he needed to hear," he mumbled out lowly.

He stopped and sat quiet again. He soon got up and grabbed his box, getting a joint from it, then opening the balcony door.

He went back to his bag and found some boxers, dropping his towel and putting them on. He leaned his head forward, fixing his curls, before throwing his head back again and fixing the front. He still wouldn't look at me and I didn't like this at all.

I watched him light the joint and sigh out a hit while he leaned back against the door, his swollen eyes staring off.

"Harry," I said again, "you've gotta talk to me. Why won't you?"

He bit his lip again, even though it was busted itself. I don't think pain was really bothering him at the moment. His pain mentally was a different story.

"I... I don't know what to say to you," he whispered to me, closing his eyes, "I should've left, Louis... I had the chance to leave, but I stayed and I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth... even though I knew how angry he'd get..."

"You're blaming yourself?" I asked him seriously, "really? That's all you're thinking about? How you could've prevented it if you hadn't of told the bastard the fucking truth that he needed to hear?"

Harry didn't look back at me while tears fell again. He wiped them away slowly and sighed.

"He's ruined you," I whispered to him, feeling nothing but an immense amount of pain for him, "he's completely ruined you."

Harry only let more tears fall as he shook his head.

"He's manipulated you so many times that you instantly feel guilty when something happens to you... and you blame yourself instead of who you should blame," I stated to him, my eyes stinging again, "he does control you."

"He doesn't," Harry said back almost immediately.

"Harry, you're so used to it... you're so used to thinking the way you think, for acting the way you act... this is why you lost who you really were. Darren influenced you..."

He didn't say anything... he just kept his eyes down, tears still streaming out.

How did one person become so broken? How was it even possible to be as broken as Harry was; he didn't even realize how broken he was... he didn't realize what this man had done to him since 16.

If Harry had never met Darren, I was 100% sure he would be a completely different person right now. There really was no doubt in my mind on that... Harry had become who he was because of Darren.

Whether Harry even realized that or not, I wasn't sure. But it was obvious now. Harry had chased after so many things... even people, in an attempt to feel; but he was left feeling used and empty every fucking time.

Those words hurt. Because, as I stared at him in front of me, I realized just how true they were.

I understood why he told me that 'guys like him' didn't have those experiences when I asked to make love to him. I understood why Harry sought Jeff as an escape; I understood why Harry even slept with so many other people. He was desperate. He was desperate for something... or maybe he was desperate for acceptance.