I Moved On, Why Don't You

A small touch of hope

Joel's pov

I can't help the smile that's on my face right now, I actually have a someone that believes in me that isn't my mom or Dr Williams. Someone who refuses to let me suspicious nature drive them away. Dillon has been visiting me every day since the first time he came to see me. I looked up at the clock anxiously counting down the minutes until he walked into my room and as if on cue, the door swung open. The smile on my face quickly fell at the serious expression on Dillon's face and I sat up a little higher in my bed.

"Did something happen?"

"Not really, just a lot on my mind . . . so how are you feeling, Joel? Ready to go back to school?"

"You know as well as I do that even if I wanted to I can't leave until they release me."

"Yeah. so why are they still keeping you here anyway?"

"My mom talked to the doctor and they agreed that until I listened to what they have to say about my baby, they won't let me go home, they're acting like this whole thing is easy for me."

"Maybe they just want to help you. I bet your mom blames herself for what happened to you . . .for not being there to stop you from getting hurt . . . maybe she just wants to be able to show you that you can still depend on her . . . I'm not saying that you have to tell them everything, but you should at least try to convince her that you don't blame her for anything that happened to you."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Just be honest with her . . . tell her how you feel."

"She . . . She won't come to see me."

"What do you mean?"

"I told her that I didn't believe her when she said my baby was alive and she hasn't come to see me since then."

"Well why didn't you believe her anyway? Wouldn't it be a good thing if your baby was alive?"

"No . . . if my baby was still alive, I__________."

"What is it?"

"I failed them the first time . . . it would kill me if I failed again and they died because of me."

"I'm sorry, I just don't see how any of it your fault. I mean you didn't ask to be hurt or betrayed, Joel. You didn't want everyone to turn on you, to treat you like you were lower than them . . . you don't think your lower than everyone, do you?"

"I don't know what I believe, Dillon . . . I feel numb, it's like I want to feel angry or sad, something; but I just can't. It feels like something shattered inside of me and if I allowed myself to feel at all, I would go crazy."

"It's alright to feel that way, Joel. It won't last forever."

"I . . . I think my baby's alive, Dillon. I can feel it in my heart . . . how can I be trusted with a baby? I nearly killed him and myself because I couldn't deal with my problems."

"Do you think you'd ever try again?"

"I don't want to die."

"But what if things got hard again? Would you be able to handle things without wishing for death?"

"I . . . I don't know."

"I want you to talk to my brother. I think he'd be good for you right now."

"When can I see him?"

A blush spread across Dillon's face and I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. Lifting a hand before I could speak, he smiled sheepishly, pointing to the door.

"I actually brought him with me . . . he's outside the room."

"You were so sure you'd get your way, huh?"

"I was actually expecting you to yell . . . I'm sorry if you think I tricked you, but I know my brother can help you."

I turned away without replying and he let out a sigh, making his way to the door.

"I'll let the two of you talk alone."

Hearing Dillion's footsteps walking away, I slowly turned around to see a pair of piercing black eyes staring down at me.

"Hello I'm_________."

"Joel, right? Dillon has been talking about nothing else but you since last week. My name's Jefferson."

"I . . . how did you do it? How did you find the strength to go on?"

"One day at a time. I have to find the strength to go on everyday. I refuse to focus on the negative and instead look at the good things in my life and if that doesn't help, I have loving parents and a wonderful little brother who make sure they have time to listen. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it's going to be easy, neck going on is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but one thing I know for sure is it can be done."

"D-Did you ever feel numb, like your heart is empty because__________?"

"Because it's easier than having to endure the pain."

"Yeah."

"It goes away, Joel and I'm sorry to say, but that's when you're going to have to fight."

"What do you_______?"

"When the numbness goes away, all the pain and anger, all the fear and doubt you've been able to avoid will come crashing down on you and you'll have to fight harder than you ever have just to make it through. But it's this time that makes my truly strong."

"I don't want to be strong. I just want everything to hi away . . . I just want to be happy again."

"But life doesn't work like that. No matter how much we wish it was, life is never need. We have to make our lives what we want them to be. If you want happiness, you have to grab it, because it won't just fall in your lap."

"I________."

"Its alright. You're going to be fine."

Nodding, I felt tears falling down my face and felt Jefferson's hand on my shoulder.

"You're not alone Joel, remember that."

Joey's pov

I can't stand it! Even when I've gotten him out of the way, Joel is still there, front and center! I slam my locker closed and stalk towards my next class, when a hand grabs my wrist, jerking me down the hall and into an empty classroom. I open my mouth to growl at the person holding me, when hands wrap around my neck, cutting off my breath.

"You tricked me."

"J-Jason?"

"That's right . . . you promised me your brother if I helped you get what you wanted . . . but that's not what happened, is it?"

"You didn't . . . You didn't help me! I got Kyle on my own!"

"Is that what you think? That Kyle wants you? He hates you, just like Joel and just like everyone else when they find out what you did."

"And Kyle will kill you if he likes learns what you did."

The hands slowly release their hold and I back away from Jason clutching my throat.

"D-Don't come near me again . . . if you even look at me again, I'll tell Kyle everything you did to Joel."

Turning to the door, I froze when I found Kyle standing there staring down me coldly.

"I'm listening."