I Moved On, Why Don't You

No Time To Heal

Author's note

First I wanted to say that I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, my job takes a lot of my time and I'll try to do better. Next if anyone is upset about how dark Kyle is becoming and wants to stop reading, I understand and thank you for following my story so far for everyone else, Kyle is only going to get worse, sorry.

Joel's pov

Thanks to Joey, I've been coming to the nursery for about a week now and the pups have nearly doubled in size. They've already been removed from the incubator, though they still have a little more growing to do before they'll be placed with the other pups. Joey is standing behind me, but as usual he doesn't speak, letting me enjoy my time with my babies. I can feel the guilt and sadness coming from him in waves, but I've had too many things on my own mind to approach him until now and I know that even if I tell him that I forgave him a long time ago, he's nowhere near ready to forgive himself or to accept my forgiveness, so we continue to treat each other like strangers.  I've been thinking about it for a few days and I don't want things to go on like this between us, so I've decided to break the ice by saying the first thing that comes to my mind.

"Sabrina and Jonathan."

"What?"

I turned to Joey and nearly smiled at the surprise and confusion in his eyes before quickly turning back to my pups, stroking their tiny heads gently.

"The names of your niece and nephew. Do you . . . Do you want to hold one of them?"

"I don't . . . I don't have that right anymore."

"Just stop it. Your guilt isn't going to change anything  that happened, just like my anger doesn't, so suck it up and get over here."

"I-It's ok . . . I'm fine."

"Now you listen to me, yes I know you started all of this by sending Kyle those  pictures, but he's the one that didn't trust me . . . he's the one that killed our pup and caused the other two to have to fight for their lives  and as angry as I am at you for intentionally hurting me, the truth is if it wasn't for you dragging me here when I was at my lowest point; I would have given up on my pups and let them be raised by strangers."

"I-I'm sorry."

"I know that Joey and I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago, because as painful as what you did to me is . . .  after I found out that my pup had died I wanted to push everyone away so I wouldn't feel that kind of pain ever again, but when I came here and saw my pups for the first time, I realized I don't . . . I don't want to lose anyone else that I care about, I've already lost enough."

"I . . . I want to hold them."

I heard Joey coming up behind me and lifted the pups out of their tiny bed for him to hold.

"Just for a few minutes, then they have to go back."

Nodding, Joey folded his arms and I carefully placed the pups inside.

They're so tiny."

I smiled happily, staring at the pups in his arms without replying.

"Did . . . Did it hurt?"

"What?"

"When you had them . . . did  it hurt?"

"I don't remember. After Kyle hit me, I can't remember much of what happened to me."

Joel's tightened his hold on my pups when his hands started trembling and the pain in his voice nearly stole my breath . . . he was drawing into himself and I knew what he was telling me had hurt him to his soul.