I Moved On, Why Don't You

The Deepest Kind Of Wound

Joey's pov

I stood outside of Joel's door, my mind for once not focused on Kyle . . . my brother lay so still it almost looked like . . . it's all my fault. I knew I was going too far, that my brother didn't deserve any of the pain he's going through, but I pushed aside my conscience to get what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted. I had to hold back a bitter laugh, I'd nearly killed my other half for someone I didn't even want to be near anymore.
Shaking my thoughts away, I took a step forward, but my body refused to enter his room, knowing that I don't deserve to be near him. Would he ever be able to forgive me? Would mom? I don't know, but I need to ask, even if the answer's no. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to go inside and walk over to Joel's bed.

"Joel, I . . . I know it's been a long time, since I've talked to you and even when I have, it's been to mock you. I've always acted like I was so much better than you and you never complained or argued with me, you never told me to just shut up . . . it . . . it's like you knew when I needed to vent and you'd let me hurt you so I wouldn't be hurt . . . just like with dad and I couldn't stand it! I couldn't stand how you'd just be so quiet and let me use you as a punching bag and when Kyle came along it got worse . . . I wanted him so much, but he only had eyes for you and I blamed you for stealing him away, but it wasn't your fault! None of this was your fault, but you're the one that got hurt and I'm . . . I'm just sorry sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

My eyes widened as I looked down at the tired face of my brother.

"Joel, please forgive me . . . no, please don't forgive me. You said before that you don't see me as a brother, right?"

"You know I was angry when I said that. You'll always be my brother."

"Would a brother set out to ruin your life? I almost killed you, Joel . . . I smelled your blood that day, but instead of trying to help you I ran away and after you and Kyle broke up, I fell into his bed. I've done nothing that deserves forgiveness, but please don't hold it against my pup. Even if you treat me like a stranger, accept them as part of your life."

"I don't know if I can do that. I think I just want to go away and forget everything that's happened."

"I . . . I destroyed our family."

"Joey."

No, I destroyed our family! You're leaving, mom probably hates me and I'm having the pup of someone that can't stand me! I shouldn't have come here . . . I'm going to go. "

"So you're just going to run because things didn't go your way? For a minute I was actually proud of you."

"What do you want from me?!"

"What do you want from me, Joey? Am I supposed to forget everything and just smile like my own brother didn't set me up? Like two of my pups aren't fighting for their lives or that one of them isn't dead? I'm sorry, but I can't pretend that everything's fine just to ease your conscience."

"That's not what I . . . I know that everything's not going to be fine overnight, but once you hold your pups________."

"I'm giving them away. I've decided that I'm not going to see them, so I won't get attached."

"B-But you can't_________."

Joel let out a weak chuckle, slowly pushing himself up on the bed.