I Moved On, Why Don't You

Hints of a Painful Past

Jesse's POV

As soon as I looked up at my mate, my eyes filled with tears and despite my lack of strength, I struggled until I was released and made my way over to him and ignoring the cries of shock around us, fell to my knees at his feet.

"Jesse, get up."

I shook my head, ignoring his words and I heard a groan of pain as he shifted his body to join me on the floor. I wanted to lean into him, to feel his warmth, but I couldn't bring myself to touch him,; I was so dirty, even more dirty than when we first met . . . how could I even have hope that everything would ever be okay again? I let out a bitter chuckle and everyone in the room froze, holding their breaths to see what would happen next.

"All he had to tell me was that you were dead and I completely fell apart .  He didn't even need proof, my heart and mind just accepted what he told me and I surrendered my body to him! I actually believed that you had abandoned me, that you left me behind, but I didn't even have the courage to follow after you.  With everything he did to hurt me, nothing can compare to letting me think  that I would never be able to feel your heat again . . . I went back to that place, before you came into my life and all I could see was darkness with no hope of escape . . .  I broke so easily, didn't I?"

I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting my head and was soon staring into his tear filled gaze. I wanted to look away, he was crying, suffering because I was still so weak that I depended on him to protect me and he almost died because of it! I started to apologise again for being so pathetic when he placed a finger against my lips, keeping me quiet.

"You did nothing wrong, I know you hate it, but I'm the one that promised to protect you, so nothing bad could ever touch you again, but instead, I let him get his hands on you, while I was unable to reach you. I should have gone after you even if I took my last breath getting you to safety."

I whimpered quietly and shook my head, no longer able to hold my tongue. He nodded his head and my words came out as a weak croak, slightly muffled by his finger still brushing gently against my lips.

"You told me to wait for you to come and get me, but I didn't listen . . . I wanted to clear my head and I walked away without telling anyone where I was going and knowing that I was defenseless . . . I left the safety of the pack and I got what I deserved."

"No, even if you were alone, you are an Omega marked by an Alpha and he had no right to touch you. He had no right to even look at you with desire or interest!"

"I tried to get away . . . when he approached me, I told him I was claimed . . . I tried to go back . . . I told him I had a mate, but he wouldn't listen and I was so terrified because I could see in his eyes what he wanted to do to me and I didn't want to betray you like that because I love you so much, but he used his Alpha tone on me and then it was too late, he had me pinned against that wall and all I could feel was pain and fear. I wanted you to find me, even if you threw me away, I just wanted to see your face."

"The pack was looking for you as soon as you disappeared, but I was so busy with work and pack issues that I didn't even feel your distress through our link  . . . someone saw the blood . . . your blood and when they linked me to tell me what they found, I forgot about everything, the pack and my responsibility to them; the chance that I could be starting a war by entering another pack's territory unannounced nothing but finding you mattered to me and by the time he approached me I wasn't thinking rationally anymore. Even though we had never met before that moment, he seemed to recognize me and told me that he knew I was looking for you and that he knew where you were  . . . he said he would take me to you and I was so desperate to find you that I let myself ignore the fact that he was covered in your scent and traces of your blood until . . . until he led me to the bar you were last seen at and that's when he pulled out a silver knife and stabbed me in the throat as he admitted everything he did to you. I knew I was going to die, but he said that you belonged to him . . . he called you his little pet and I went after him, but that made the silver move through my body more quickly. The last thing I remember as I lay choking on my own blood as poison slowly shut down my body was him removing my ring and the necklace you gave me for our first anniversary."

"He told me you gave them to him . . . that your last words were for him to take care of me."

"Baby, even as he walked away, even as I lay dying I was still struggling to get to you . . . I would never leave you in the care of that monster, let alone give you to him willingly. I truly thought I was going to leave this world knowing I abandoned you to a life of suffering."

Gently pulling his finger away from my mouth, I pressed his hand against my cheek, letting my eyes drift shut at his touch.

"I . . . I tried to feel you through our bond and when I couldn't I didn't want to go on living. Why couldn't I feel you?"

"Someone saved me, I don't know who it was, but whatever they did must have blocked our bond because I was too weak. It was touch and go for a while and I died from blood loss before they brought me back. I'm just glad that I get to see your face and hear your voice. I'm thought I would never be able to see you or our baby . . . I thought I would never be able to to hold you like this again . . . I'm so glad that you're here with me, Jesse, I would have finished what he started if I had lost you."

"No, you would have stayed strong, for our family and our pack. You would have gone on and become the Alpha we both know you are and I would have been watching over you with the same love and pride I've felt for you since the moment we met. You are strong, much stronger than I am so I know you can survive without me in your life."

Laughing shakily, Eric placed a kiss against my lips.

"You are my strength. Without you, I wouldn't even want to face this world, let alone lead a pack in it. No one would understand and everyone would hate me, but I'd be selfish enough not to care if I could be by your side forever."

Before I could reply, a cooing caught our attention and Nurse Sally stepped forward, carefully placing our pup in my arms,  allowing me to hold him for the first time, while helping me support his weight so I  wouldn't drop him and our eyes met and locked.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me and my family. You could have let our pup die, but you protected him, thank you."

"I was there to keep you safe Luna Jesse. I saved your mate and stayed by your side until I could bring you together again."

"I don't understand."

Nurse Sally smiled at me sadly.

"You were beaten so badly and so brutalized that I didn't think I would ever get to present you with a baby. I was there when you mourned the loss of your first pup, who though created in such a abominable way was an innocent child and he never got to take a breath. I failed you then and the only thing I could do was tell you to run and watch you disappear, taking the only light from our pack with you. Everything fell apart after that and I left soon after, I couldn't stay there any longer . . . your sire destroyed everything looking for you and then I heard he had found you . . . I thought that_____."

"My . . . brother killed him before he could finish me off. He ripped his head off with a smile on his face like it was nothing. He thought I would go back with him, promised that everything would be different and the things he did to me could just be forgotten. I hate him, all of them so much."

"I heard that you forgave him, Luna Jesse."

"I owed his mate a debt for saving my life. I would bear no grudge against him as long as he never approached me and my family again. I will never consider him my brother and I will never show myself in front of him again."

"I'm just glad that you've found yourself someone that could heal you and that you are recovering from the loss you've suffered."

A small smile crossed my lips as our eye contact broke and my gaze shifted back to my mate who was gazing at me with adoration in his eyes.

"So, what should we name our pup?"