My Michelle.- Complete Story!

Chapter 10 - Learning To Trust.

Their subsequent return to London a couple of days later proved to be the undoing of Rose. When she saw them walk hand in hand into the house, she burst into tears. Paul and Michelle spent a few days in the house, enjoying being with each other. He kept his promise to Michelle and she became more secure in the belief that she was loved by him. This transformed her. Her happiness radiated from her. People commented on the change in her and, for the first time in her life, Michelle felt truly happy.

Several months passed. Michelle and Paul settled into a happy domestic routine and took great joy from their blossoming relationship. Close friends knew how happy they were together. Sadly, at the back of her mind was a worry. A niggling worry which Michelle was terrified could blow their world apart. She felt it loomed between them like a beast about to spring. She and Paul had yet to consummate their new relationship. How long could she expect him to wait? He was, after all, a hot blooded male! Deep down Michelle knew she wanted him, the desire and passion for the man so strong. She also knew Paul felt the same about her and adored the fact that he dealt with such feelings without pressure on her. But at the same time, she was so afraid.  Afraid of reacting as she had the first time they tried .... Or even worse, disappointing him, letting him down, failing. Ian had always claimed she was frigid, cold, rubbish. What if he was right?  She knew that if that happened her whole world would crumble just as it was so beautiful.  The worry grew. It preoccupied her. She grew distant, uncertain again. Her old insecurities returned. Paul noticed the change in her immediately. He looked at her fearfully. Was she was changing her mind about being with him? Then, after waking in the early hours of the morning, and finding Michelle's side of the bed empty, he was unable to subdue  his fears and deal with the uncertainty any more. He found her, sat alone in the living room, curled up and tearful, in a chair. She barely stirred as he came into the room. Kneeling in front of her, he gently took her hands. She turned her tear stained face to him and gave him a watery smile.

"What is it Michelle? Talk to me," he pleaded, "I know something is wrong. Tell me! Do you regret coming back here? Please."

Michelle looked into his eyes, those soft brown eyes which held so much love for her. "I have no regrets about anything to do with us Paul my love," she whispered, stroking his face with her hand, "but I'm scared you're regretting it."

"Why would I be regretting anything?" He was confused.

"Because I won't let you love me properly, in the way a man and woman should."

"I told you, I'll wait as long as it takes Michelle."

"I don't want you to wait anymore Paul, I want to please you."

He caressed her cheek, "That is the most wonderful thing you've ever said to me," he whispered. "You know I want that you too, but only when you're ready, you know that."

"But I am ready Paul...well in some ways I am.... but I'm so scared too."

"Why? I'll never hurt you or make you do anything you don't want to do."

"I know, I believe you when you say that but...." Her voice tailed away.

"But what Michelle?"

"You've waited so long, what if I'm nothing but a big disappointment to you?"

"Why would I be disappointed in you? I adore you."

 She looked into his eyes, fearful. "Ian... He always told me I was....well...cold, frigid...useless in bed. He said that always made him angry. I don't want you to feel like that about me."

"When a man and a woman love each other like we do, then expressing that love is all about mutual pleasure Michelle. From what you've told me that never happened between you and Ian. I want us to learn together how to give each other pleasure and express how we feel about each other."