The Act|| Tarasia

Chapter Sixty Five

Taraji's POV

After leaving my mom's house, I went to pick up Marcell before heading to the cemetery my father is buried in. Marcell only ever met my father once, and he probably doesn't even remember because he was just a baby. I packed up my son and left home at the age of 26 for LA with about 200 dollars to my name. By that point, my father's health was already failing and his cancer was getting more aggressive. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for not sticking around to help my mom take care of him, but if I didn't leave then, I would have never made it out. I know that my mom still harbors some resentment towards me because of that. Before I leave, we'll have to really hash out all of our issues and lay everything out on the table instead of brushing things under the rug like we have done in the past. The pain is coming back up and it's coming fast. I can't run from it anymore.

Marcell: Not that I'm not happy to see you mom, but what are you doing here?

Taraji: I just felt like I needed to come home. I'm in a difficult place right now in my life, and I need guidance. We're going to see your grandfather's grave. I talk to him all the time, but it's been way too long since I've seen him.

Marcell: Your dad would be proud of you. I'm proud of you. You've come a long way, ma.

I smiled over at him, trying not to cry again. My eyes are painfully heavy from crying so much in one day, but I know that there will be more tears to shed soon. When we got to the cemetery, Marcell decided to stay in the car so that I could talk to my dad alone. I wasn't going to push him to come with me. This is something that I need to do for myself, and it probably is best that I do it alone. I won't be able to really let go if I'm worried about my son watching me break down. He's seen me in enough pain already. He doesn't need to see me like this. I knelt down in front of my dad's tombstone, not caring about getting my clothes dirty. I ran my fingers over the letters carved into the stone, a shockwave of chills running through my fingers up my arms and all the way down my back.

Taraji: Hi daddy. It's me, your little girl. I'm sorry that I kept you waiting for so long. I just wanted to be a better version of myself when I finally came to see you again, but I think I've gotten worse. I remember not having a single problem that you couldn't make go away. I know people thought you were crazy, but you always knew what you were doing when it came to being a father. I hope that I haven't disappointed you too much.

I looked up at the sky as I heard a sudden crack of thunder. The blue skies were quickly shifting to grey as storm clouds pushed out the white clouds. It began to pour down raining, but I remained right there on my knees in front of his grave. At least the rain drops hitting my face will mask my tears.

Taraji: If you were here right now, you would not be happy with me. I'm in love with a married woman, and I think I'm falling in love with another woman. I know it seems like the obvious choice should be the single woman, but Fantasia has my mind, body, and soul bound to her. Then there's Brandee, she's so gentle and understanding. She never loses her patience with me and she's always ready to drop everything just to make sure I'm ok. She's a nurse, and she makes me feel normal because of how regular she is. Things are easy with her, but easy can get boring. Fantasia lights a fire in me that Brandee puts out, but she would never let me burn. I know that that's what I need, but there's something missing with her that I feel like I've already found with Fantasia. But shouldn't it mean something that Brandee is the one and only person I told that I was coming here? That has to mean something, right daddy? What good would it do to abandon a good woman for a married woman? Brandee is the most perfect person I've ever met, but Fantasia's imperfections make her so irresistible. I'm scared. I'm scared that no matter what, I'll always go back to her. Even when there's something potentially better waiting for me. If you're still listening daddy, please just give me a sign.

I laid my head down on his headstone, crying like my tears would never run out. Out of nowhere, I heard a dog barking. As it was starting to run towards me, I could see that it was a pit bull. Its owner tugged on its leash, pulling it back to them. The pit bull just stared at me with its teeth bared, refusing to obey its owner command and leave me alone. In that moment, the rain stopped. I looked up at the clouds, and some of them had come together to form the shape of the letter "F". This is the sign I asked my father for. Maybe I knew the answer all along, but I was just too scared to accept it. I'm going to have to have a long, heartbreaking conversation with Brandee when I get back to Atlanta. I just hope that we can still be friends, because I really do love her. My love for Fantasia is just different.

Fantasia's POV

I should be at home spending time with my kids right now before this press tour starts, but instead I'm going on a blind search for Taraji. God, this woman has my mind all wire-crossed and tripped up. I can't focus on anything else until I know where she is. I don't know what I'm going to say to her when I see her, but a conversation needs to be had about Brandee. While sitting at a random red light on a street that I wasn't even intending to drive down, I started thinking. Whenever Taraji is going through a crisis, she likes to talk to her dad. She wouldn't have to leave home to do that, unless she wanted to see him, too. I know exactly where she is. I hope it's not too late to catch a flight to D.C. .