Ordained

Chapter Thirty-Two

The Marcellus estates were still colder than she was used to, especially when she went outside at night. Despite her weeks of being outside, she still wasn't used to it. Whether it was in the impending loom of Autumn, or the fact they were far further north, she didn't know. What she did know was that the trunk of summer clothes she had ordered were gradually becoming ineffective at protecting her against the growing chill.

She supposed she should go back; the light wind was biting. What for though? Inside she would have to deal with Cassius' mother and father, with Ottilie; would have to endure the feeling of being unwanted and disliked. No, the cold weather was better than the icy reception she would receive inside. The dinner had been a fiasco. Ottilie had done her utmost to embarrass her, and had succeeded. She indeed felt embarrassed. Pulling her knees up onto the bench she was perched on, she held herself as her mind recalled her pairing, the feeling of abandonment when she had realised that not even Atticus had come to see her.

She had worked hard to push the memory of it aside, but tonight it came flashing back to her.

The view stretched almost endlessly into the horizon; the sun low in the evening sky as it cast drawn out shadows over everything. Fields full of cattle, crops, lone trees, gave way to a view of the nearest village. Distant lamps were being lit in the settling dark, odd windows glowing gold, with more flickering to life here and there as the darkness grew. The streets were gradually emptying of people, the distant sounds of life dampening down.

Part of her longed to be amongst them. After a lifetime living with six brothers, she found the oppressive silence of the Marcellus mansion increasingly unbearable. If she was being honest, she found everything about the Marcellus mansion unbearable.

How foolish she had been to be excited about her match with Cassius. To think she thought she could fight for their pairing, that she could have convinced him to like her.

An honourable match that would mean her family wouldn't have to disown her. She had thought it a blessing that she hadn't been given a peasant husband that would've meant her being cut off from her friends and family. Now, those worries seemed superficial and foolish. She would've gladly worked if it meant she came home to someone who was happy to see her.

This increasing isolation was numbing, slowly making her more miserable by the day. She knew that this is what the Marcellus' wanted, to drive her into loneliness till she begged to return home. Yet, knowing this didn't make her feel any better, if anything it made it worse somehow. The deliberateness of it.

Her thoughts turned gradually blacker as she watched the lights of the village, the orange sunset weakly illuminating the last moments of the day. A particularly strong gust pushed at her, the chill making her shiver and draw her cloak more tightly around her.

Cassius was watching Emmeline from the window of his study. With a cup of coffee in his hand, seeing her shiver made him feel cool despite the warmth of his beverage and the nearby fire. She had taken to doing this more and more often, although usual in the mornings, rising with the sun and standing for long periods of time to watch the sunrise. It caused a stabbing sense of guilt that rolled and tensed uncomfortably in his stomach.

Dinner had been awful and he felt dreadful for having subjected her to it. The obvious delight on Ottilie's face as she pried at Emmeline made him realise just how false her sugary facade was. He had suspected so in the library when she insisted on disturbing Emmeline's reading, but tonight had cemented his view of her. It wasn't a positive one. Regardless of whether she liked Miss Elva or not, it was unbecoming of a potential duchess to poke and prod at someone beneath them. For the third time, he chastised himself for not intervening. Was he really so weak under his parent's control that he couldn't even speak? Obviously he was.