Her Sweet Soul - ( JenLisa )

XXVI

   

 
 

   

 

ag·o·nize

/ˈaɡəˌnīz/

verb

undergo great mental anguish through worrying about something.

      

   

       
  

Lisa Manoban 
  
  
  

       
  
Asan Medical Center..
  
An unknown number texted me but I suppose it to be Jisoo.. I grip tight on my steering wheel and started the engine..
 
I started driving in the middle of the road.. I feel so nervous and scared.. I've never seen anything like that before..

Jennie almost killed me when she had an asthma attack before.. I was so worried so how else should I react when she combulsed like that in front of me..
  
Her body was shaking wildly that made me speechless.. I don't know how I manage to watch there and stand straight as the love of my life slowly looked like she's dying..
 
Her hands were so cold.. Like the hands of a dead person..
 
She can't die...
 
She won't die..
 
Right?
  
I just got her.. I just met her.. We haven't even spent so much time for ourselves..
  
I just met her.. I just conquered my fears.. I just healed from my past traumas.. She can't leave me.. Oh please no..
 
Maybe it's about her asthma again.. Right? It's nothing major.. I wish..
 
I just.. I don't know what I'm going to do if I ever lose her... I don't think I'll be able to live at all..
 
No! Not now please.. Nini.. No.. Please... Don't leave me..
  
I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe.. I need to know what's happening.. I need to know what's wrong..
 
I will contact every doctors around the world just so they could treat her.. Anything, anyone.. I'll do everything for her.. Just don't disappear..
 
Not yet baby.. Please.. Not yet..
  

I reached the parking lot and I immediately went outside the car the moment it stopped.. I went to elevator and pushed the button where Jennies room is located..
 
I walked as fast as I can until I saw Rosie and Jisoo standing outside her room.. They are with someone which I suppose to be Jisoo's parents..
 
"J-Jisoo... Jennie. Where is she? " I asked and Jisoo did not give me an answer.. Instead, she looked over the glass wall and there I saw my Jennie..
 
It's the ICU.. was it this severe that she needs to be rushed in the ICU?
  
My heart crumpled into pieces when I saw her lying there unconscious with tubes and IV's everywhere.. She has an oxygen mask on her face and her body looked so pale..
 
What's wrong? Why? What happened?
  
I touched the wall as if I'm touching her.. God! We're suppose to be having a nice and simple night by now.. How come this day turned up side down? How come the girl whom I known to be strong and cheerful is now lying on her back completely lifeless..
  
"Can't I go inside? " I glanced over at Jisoo for a second before looking back to Jennie again.. I just can't take my eyes off of her.. I need to watch her closely.. I feel like I would lose her if I didn't..
  
"She's under monitor.. No one can come inside yet" Jisoo said and I almost wanted to punch the wall and wreck it just so I could come inside..
 
I want to touch her.. I want to feel her presence.. I want to embrace her in my arms.. She will be safe with me.. I will protect her with all my might but I couldn't even do a thing right now..
  
I'm loosing my cool.. I think I'm about to go insane.. Why? Why? Why can't I do anything?! She's right there in front of me, suffering so much and here I am standing straight as I watch all of it..
  
"Lisa.. Let's talk" Jisoo approached me.. I wanted to agree.. I wanted to ask her a thousand of questions but I couldn't bring my feet to move..
 
I can't make myself leave Jennie.. I feel like I need to watch her closely.. I don't want to miss anything..
  
"When she wakes up, we'll talk then" I said shortly and that's when I bring my focus back to Jennie..
  
"Just follow me! " Jisoo harshly grabbed my wrist and forced me to follow her.. I couldn't stop what she is currently doing for her grip is so strong..
 
We ended up in the staircase where it's empty..
 
I groaned lowly as I mess with my own hair.. Why did she have to drag me out here? I need to see Jennie.. I need to stay beside her and watch her.
  
"Acute Myeloid leukemia.. It was her original illness.. It got worst and she caught some virus making her heart had a hemorrhage.. They couldn't perform any transplant surgery since Jennie also has a rare case of Hemophilia-A .. " Jisoo said and then I stood there.. Completely speechless..  
 
"A fucking leukemia?! Are you kidding me?! " I laughed a little and she shook her head..
  
"I wish I was Lisa.. " she said and then suddenly.. Everything started syncing in.. It all started to make sense..
  
The way I assume of her to be always taking vitamins everyday since she has a lot of capsules inside the ref.... It must be her medicines, not a fucking vitamins.... It explains how she loses her breath even if we just started our games.. She always gets tired easily.. Her weight loss.. It all makes sense now..
  
It explains all the bruises all over her body.. I thought it was because someone beat her up but it's not.. It's because she's fighting to herself.. For herself.. And I'm so sure that she's fighting for me..
  
Wow.. I was so naive?!
 
Every evidence could've been in front of me but I did not even notice it.. Not even once..
  
I was too focus on myself.. Too focus in my traumas... Too focus with everything that I had forgotten that I have a girlfriend go take care off... I forgot that it's not always about me..
  
"Why now? Why can't she say it to me? " I glanced over at Jisoo with tears threatening to flow down my cheeks..
  
"Because she's afraid. Not because she will lose you but because you will lose her.. She's afraid that you will be left all by yourself" and then my world crashed.. How could she think of me when she should only be thinking about herself..
   
For gods sake, she's the one who's sick! She shouldn't be worrying about me at all..
  
"How long? How long does she got? She won't die today right? " I asked with a trembling hand.. At least not today.. Please..
  
"I don't know.. A month or two?" Jisoo shrugged and then she covered her eyes.. She crying.. My heart ached again.. A month or two?! It's so soon..
 
It's so fucking soon! It's so unfair!
 
I did not ask another question anymore... I can't waste any more second so I run as fast as I can to where Jennie is.. I stood in front of the glass wall and watched her body.. Her lifeless body..
  
And then I bursted out.. I sobbed.. I cried so hard but I did not make any sounds.. I'm trying my best to stay strong but how? She's right there.. My girlfriend is right there.. My future.. She's right there lying unconscious and I couldn't even do anything to make her feel better..
 
How am I just standing here like an idiot?
  
All this time, she's keeping it from me.. It must've been hard to pretend that everything is fine when it's not.