Her Sweet Soul - ( JenLisa )

XV

for·swear

/fôrˈswer/

agree to give up or do without (something)

Kim Jeongin ( Kai )

I watch as I they part.

Like a storm finally leaving the land that it destroyed... Jennie and Lisa parted their ways. Leaving each other with huge bruises all over their heart..

I should probably be happy.. But then again if Lisa can't have Jennie then who am I to have her?

It's not about who's having Jennie anymore though.. It's about the fact that she can't be with anyone even if she wants to.. She's doesn't have a choice in the first place..

How cruel is that?

She's just human like me.. I can't even imagine being on her situation because I know its hard.. Simply counting how many days I have left until I leave this world.. Imagine how hard it is.


"Let's go home. " I said as I let Jennie grip tight on my shirt.. Tears kept running down her cheeks and I can't even look at her face..


I don't wanna see her cry although hearing her sobs pains me the same..


I will always wants to see her happy.. But right now she's the opposite.. She's broken.. And so am I..


She's hurting.. I'm hurting.. Lisa is hurting..

We are hurting each other with this stupid love concept..


I have dated a lot of girls in the past and I have never encountered something like this before... This is not even close.. This is just the worst feeling ever..


Love is not supposed to be this hard.. Love is not supposed to be this complicated.. Love should be free.. And calming.. Love should make you happy.. Love should make you live..

But this love that we're having are killing us.. Slowly..

"Kai.. " she called as soon as we reached her home.. She made me enter her house.. She made me sat on her couch.. She made me sit beside her as she cry her eyes out..


Maybe she just doesn't want to be alone right now because she's hurting .. But why am I hurting too?


"Yeah? " I looked at her as I reach for her face to wipe her tears but then I changed my mind and put my hand down.. I shouldn't be doing this.. I shouldn't be when both of them are both crushed inside..


"I hurt her Kai. I made her hate me." she smiled although she's still a sobbing mess.. My heart twitched.. It's so painful to watch her cry.. It's so painful because I'm so used to see her smile..


"I thought that it was what you wanted? " I asked softly as I reach for my pocket and grab the handkerchief inside.. I gave it to her and she took it although she just put it aside.. Not even bothered to wipe her tears..


"I know but I'm hurting too. " she looked down and cried more.. You're hurting me as well Jennie.. You're crushing my heart..


"D.. D-Do you l-like her? " I asked although I'm afraid to hear her answer.. I probably know the answer I guess.. I just wanted to hear it or maybe I just wanted to hurt myself.. I wanted to make sure because if I don't hear it myself.. I might actually assume that she will like me too..


She looked up and went to straightly look at my eyes.. I gulped.. Her eyes looked so tired.. She looked so hurt.. She looked so done..


I wonder what can I do to take those pains away?


I would do anything to take those.. Anything..


"I do Kai.. I think I might be even in love with her. " she said with a wide bitter smile ..


And just like a gunshot.. A bullet shut my heart and my soul left my body.. It feels like my heart is being torn open although I don't exactly know how?


For the first time in my life, I'm feeling hurt. I'm broken. I'm lifeless..


I'm so used to being the one to hurt the girl.. I was the bad guy.. I was the one who causes pains so why am I the who's hurting right now?


The worst is I can't even blame her since it's not even her fault.. She's not a bad guy.. Not even close to that.. It's not her fault that she doesn't like me.. It's not.


"You do? " I asked with enthusiasm pretending that I'm happy about it.. That I'm fine inside.. That I'm okay..


"Yeah.. I do Kai. And I've never been this sure" she smiled and this time.. The smile that she's making is genuine.. The smile that she's giving me right now is real.. It's not bitter or fake.. It's a real smile..


She must be so happy and excited talking about Lisa that she stopped crying and started smiling instead..


I'm glad that she's not crying anymore.. Just hurt because I know I'm not the reason of it..


I wish I could make her smile like that.. I wish I can make her heart beat so fast just like how she can easily make me do it..


I wish she can love me because I'm falling for her.. Deeper and deeper and deeper.. I'm drowned..


But I'll keep it all inside..


"Can you tell me about the things that you like about her? " I asked hoping that she would smile longer if I ask her more things about Lisa..


Lisa must be a really good person in her past life for her to be loved by Jennie like this... She is so lucky.. I wish I was her..


"Anything? " she asked with her eyes slowly lighting up like a bright star and she hasn't even started yet.. Wow.. Lisa's effect on her is surprisingly hurtful..


I didn't know that you can love a person this much that you're willing to get hurt just for her to be happy.. I didn't know that it happens not until now that I'm actually experiencing it..


I didn't know that you can suffer from this kind of pain when all you want to do is love someone.. I did not even knew that pain exist... Maybe I still don't know a lot of things..


Maybe I'm still a clueless child who needs to grow up..


But I'm on my way to that..


"Anything" I smiled widely... Genuinely giving my sincere affection.. I'm willing to listen to get hurt in trade of that one gummy smile...


I'm willing to make her happy even if it means crushing my heart like a fragile glass..