The General's Daughter & His Majesty Book #1

Chapter Twenty Two: Rest In Peace King Rehan

Carperia
King Dargan's POV
Mother nature has provided us an ambience befitting the misery of this day; gloomy weather. It should work just fine against me the dark clothing, black umbrellas and heavy moods.

I dreaded opening my eyes this morning. I must admit that there is a small part of me that wished to have drifted off after my father in my sleep. I didn't want to wake up. I do not have any wishes to see this day through. But he always did tell me that postponing the innevitable is a waste if time. All this power and wealth and I cannot resurrect my father. It's all pointless.

I woke up with Nesrin still in my arms and my wolves on the bed. It was a cozy little set up and I didn't want it to end. For that moment, I craved to be someone with a simple existence. I craved an existence where I can be insignificant enough for no one to ever want anything from me. A beautiful woman in my arms, peace of mind and to be left alone.

It's just a dream. I can't afford that dream. What I can afford is the honor to be king, the scrutiny of my subjects and the burden of responsibility that comes with the title.

Up till now, my eyes remain dry from the wetness of tears. I made a resolution in front of the mirror that I will not shed a tear in the eyes of the public. My tears are mine alone, to be shed in the darkest ends of the earth where no one can hear me weeping with weakness.

I can't say the same for my mother. She is a walking river. She can't help it. She's not even trying. She's excused. It's not her fault. She is the softest one in this family yet her softness is no t even the usual soft most people would make reference to. It's just that next to my father and I, she is the one who cried easily.

Once when I was a boy I made her cry. I told her she's fat and ugly. Anyone who knows Everleigh knows very well that she has a penchant for vanity. She loves her physical appearance. Telling her she'd ugly and fat was just my way of hitting back at her after she had the servants take away my toys. She was upset with me for insulting a maid. I still hold that I was innocent in the matter. It's not an insult if it's the blunt truth. The maid smelled. I pointed it out and advised her to take a bath. The woman cried rather dramatically and I was punished for how she interpreted what I said. Anyway, when I told my mother she's fat and ugly, she cried and she told her husband who showed up with the wrath of the gods. On that day, my behind was red from the king's belt. I still remember what he said. He said, "don't ever make my wife cry."

Well, he had made his own wife cry by not being swift enough to anticipate his throat getting slit. Why did he trust the bodyguard? Why didn't he see it? We descend from a long line of warriors. We are trained to be efficient, agile and resilient. Why wasn't he agile enough to see that knife? What was he thinking about at that moment? The bodyguard was standing in front of him. I was standing beside him but too engrossed in my own mind. Whose fault is it? My own?

It doesn't matter anymore. He's dead. He dropped dead without even warning,no goodbye,no closure, nothing. He just dropped dead.

Having to deal with this storm of emotions is the whole reason why I took two bottles of whiskey yesterday. The idea was to sleep it off and just forget. I'll pay anything for a bout of amnesia to hit me.  But the impact of the alcohol wasn't felt. I wasn't drunk enough to forget. The mind is powerful. At least I know my mind is powerful. It rejected the alcohol and stuck to a constant hammering reminder that my father is dead and there are pending emotions that need to be addressed.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. That is what I have to go through. Denial? Hardly. What is there to deny when the man fell like a sack of potatoes right before my eyes? Anger? I think I expressed that thoroughly in Cray Thera. He should have seen me. He said I'm destructive. He should have seen the wave of destruction I unleashed on Cray Thera. Bargaining. I think I'm somewhat in between this phase and depression. I'll know with time. But I'm nowhere near accepting that he left just like that, so suddenly, no goodbye.