Always [4 - Twins Series]

104 - In Real Life

Date: November 14, 2014

Alyssa entered her apartment later that day, hanging up her scarf and shrugging off her jacket. She spotted Ian on her couch, flipping through a book. He basically lived at her place pretty much.

"Hey." Alyssa walked over to him, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Is the heating on? It is freezing."

"I'm not sure." Ian murmured in response. Alyssa went to turn it on before she turned back to her boyfriend.

"Are you alright? You seem... off."

Ian hesitated, before he held up his phone, and on the screen was Alyssa's latest post.

"Why did you say that losing your kids was all your fault?"

"Because it was." Alyssa shrugged nonchalantly, heading into the kitchen. Ian scoffed and stood up, following after her.

"Why do you say that? How is it even remotely your fault?"

"You wouldn't understand. You weren't there, and I honestly don't have the energy to explain it to you right now." Alyssa sighed tiredly. "I'm actually going to take a nap."

"No. Al, wait." Ian stopped her. "Just talk to me. I'm your boyfriend! You need to start letting me in... I want to help you."

"You want to help?" Alyssa sent him an annoyed glare. "Let me go to sleep. I'm tired."

"You've got to stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over!"

"But they were still my kids!"

"It was a car accident. It wasn't your fault!"

"The reason why we were in the car accident was! And I mean, I'm the reason why Nate didn't make it!"

"That wasn't your fault!"

"Yes, it was!"

"No, it--"

"YES, IT WAS, IAN!" Alyssa suddenly screamed at him in frustration, catching Ian by surprise. "Look, I... I'm sorry. I'm just stressed right now."

"I understand that, Al..." Ian whispered gently, stepping forward to take her hands in his. "But you have to start letting me in. I want to help you."

"I..." Alyssa slowly pulled her hands out of Ian's. "I don't need help. I don't need anyone. I don't... I don't need you."

"What do you mean?" Ian wondered, frowning in confusion as he did so. Alyssa looked down at the ground nervously, fiddling with her fingers.

"I... I'm going through a lot, and... I honestly don't think that I'm good for anyone right now. So... maybe we should... take a break." She suggested slowly, causing Ian to take a step back, shocked. "Just a temporary one, for a while... until we realise where we stand, what we want, and how we want to handle our relationship."

"I know what I want now." Ian stepped forward again and held her hands. "I want you."

"I-I can't. Not until I know that I have a chance to heal from this on my own." Alyssa took multiple steps backwards. "I'm really sorry, Ian, but... you should just go."

"Alyssa--"

"Don't. You deserve better than me... I'm in no fit state to be a good girlfriend. Go."

So, very reluctantly, Ian headed towards the door and slammed it shut behind him. As soon as he left, Alyssa sank to her knees and cried to her heart's content.