Saving Riley

87

James 

Sound check ended and I glanced over to John, I knew that he had stayed back to talk to Riley but he sure as hell wasn't giving up anything
"Alright I think we are good until tonight so I guess? Free time?" Luke asked but he didn't need to tell me twice, I headed straight to the tour bus in anticipation I would be met with Riley somewhere

But she was nowhere to be seen at all..

"What?" I breathed out running my hands through my hair sitting on the edge of the sofa, it wasn't long before the boys were on the bus too
"Where is Riley?" Theo said before earning a slap from Luke and John
"Read the room Theo" Luke muttered 

I looked up looking at John who was doing all he could to avoid any eye contact with me
"Do you know anything?" I asked making him sigh
"Not as much as you think I do" he said making me narrow my eyes at him
"Okay, what do you know" I asked making him sigh

He took a step forward and before he could say anything else, Theo held up a piece of paper that was on the table in front of me. I hadn't even noticed it..

"It's for you" Theo smiled handing me the letter, I looked at it and instantly recognised the curly handwriting, I nodded taking  deep breath in walking back to the back room 
This place seems daunting given the circumstances. I don't like it, I can't believe I've been such an idiot

I opened the letter and sure enough, it was from Riley..

'James 

Me and you have been the ultimate love story no matter how toxic things got but I can't help but think that things are getting to bad lately
We're meant to be bringing a new baby in to the world, we are meant to be getting married yet you were about to go meet your Ex
The same Ex that we first broke up over

I can't help but think that we are taking steps backwards instead of stepping forward into our life together

That instead of growing into a new level of maturity. We're sinking backwards

I don't want that
I don't want any part of that, I've had my heart broken enough and I've broken your heart enough to know where this goes 

We're stuck in a loop, this constant feeling of betrayal, this constant worry of whos around the corner
That isn't health for either of us 

I love you, with my whole body and soul, with my whole heart
Which is why I want you to make a choice.

I need you to tell me what you want, I need you to show me what you want 
And if I'm not what you want, then I would rather know now not only for our sake, but for our babies 

It isn't just us anymore James, we have someone else we need to think about, so if seeing Beth, touring, living life to the fullest is what you want then okay, I respect that
but if a family, if our family is what you want then please show me 

Show me before I push you away to the point that neither of us come back from
I don't want to James but lately I can feel it happening and I think Beth is my tipping point

So I'm begging you, if this is what you want. Please give me a sign

-Riley'

I sighed knowing she was right, I'd hurt her more time then I ever wanted to, I let people into our lives when they should never have been an option and now I'm putting her through it again

I'm not the same idiot I was back then but it shows that he still lives in me sometimes, but I know what I need to do 

It's time teenage James was truly put to bed 
I've always only ever wanted Riley..

And that hasn't changed at all