"Guilty"

~My mended heart.~

It was 6:00 am, I know because my alarm went off. My mom and I spent the whole night on the floor.
I finally calmed down and built up my courage.
"I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry, I don't care if I get grounded for the rest of my life just forgive me please."
"Terry, you're my first born, and my only daughter, to not forgive you would be a sin and a heavy burden to carry. I love you, and yes I forgive you Terry-bear."
Terry-bear, she called me by my childhood name.
"Mom, Terry? " said a sleepy Jordan .
I ran up to him and hugged the life out of him. "Jordan I'm so sorry for everything, especially the times when I made you cry. Please forgive me I'll do anything to make it up to you." I pleaded.
"Promise?" Said Jordan.
"Promise" I confirmed.
Then he hugged me and said "I love you big sis." "And I love you little bro" then I placed a kiss on his cheeks.
Sniff sniff.
"Mom are you crying ?" I asked.
"I'm sorry, its just so beautiful to see my children getting along... haha OK lets head to the kitchen and make breakfast." At the mention of breakfast our stomachs growled simultaneously.
A second of silence. Then we laughed.

Ever since then life at home has been good, not as happy as it was but we have our little laughs and moments. And life has been easier. Every weekend we would go to visit my dad, sometimes we laughed and sometimes we cried, but we were all still living a comforting life.
Even though my personal life was going smooth, my social life was the total opposite.
The bullying was at an extreme level, and the fact that I had to be reminded of what happened between me and David every day made the pressure and pain 10 times worst, if that were even possible.

One weekend we missed our visit to the jailhouse, because my mom had some business to handle, and so we contacted the warden to cancel our appointment and to explain to my father the reason for our non-coming.
If only we knew that this news would affect my dad in a major way, we would have done anything to go visit him but we didn't, we didn't know.

After a gruesome day at school I finally went home. Even though when they bully me I ignore them but some comments just hit a nerve and that nerve is always connected to my heart, and David knew exactly what to say to hit that nerve. It was as if he was trying to get rid of me for rejecting him. I guess this boy always got what he wants. But he doesn't know that in a matter of seconds life could go completely upside down, and when it did it would be hard to turn it right side up. But he didn't understand and I didn't have the time or courage to explain it to him. He would have to experience it once for him to understand the way that I was feeling.
And just when I thought life couldn't get any worse. It did. And this time it would definitely be a struggle to get my life back under control. With the effects of bullying, the suicidal thoughts and the shattered heart, this news just added alcohol to my already burning bruise.