Giving In || ☆

/33/ F'ck You/

The original post had them going right into smut but wattpad deleted it so...it became this

a lot of swearing...

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It was like the previous month hadn't even happened, feeling Harry's hand entwined with his. This was how it should be, and Louis knew that.

They didn't say anything, not for the longest time. Harry still in slight disbelief Louis came out to see him, and Louis still incredulous himself.

They were still near the campus grounds, but were now walking around the park that was near by, a few cars passed now and then, but they barely noticed anything else.

"The word sorry, I have now come to realize, will never satisfy the amount of regret and hatred I have felt for myself these past weeks. Sorry, will not win you back, and I know, I don't deserve you. Sorry isn't worth sh/t unless you mean it, and god, Lou I have never meant anything more than I do now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the bullshit I've put you through. I'm sorry for tearing you down, I'm sorry for making you think I cared and then hurting you. You don't hurt the ones you love. I'm sorry, for thinking I could fool myself into thinking you were just another meaningless fuck, but you weren't. You aren't just another meaningless person to me. I can't stop thinking about you, I just can't. You're everywhere, you're in my thoughts, my dreams, but you're not in my life. I wake up, and you're not there beside me, I have felt so cold without you there. I need you Lou, I want you to come back. It's not the same, please. Give me another chance and I will not hurt you, I know can love you, I know I can. I've never felt love towards anyone, no one has ever been in my thoughts as much as you... If what I'm feeling right now by just looking at you is love, then f/ck I've been in love with you since day one, just too fucked up to show it."

They stopped walking, and Harry was looking down at Louis. Louis looked up at him, as always at loss for words.

Everyone always told him what to do when Harry was heartless and cold, which means that no one else has ever seen this side of him. No one else but him.

"Harry please don't say things like that," Louis finally whispered, turning away.

"Why not, I'll say it if I mean it, and I mean those words more than I've meant anything else. You have every right, now to believe me, i f/cked up badly. But, damn it Lou," and Harry grabbed his arm, pulling him back, so that Louis was pressed against his body. Surprised, Louis reached up to push Harry away, but Harry caught his wrists, and brought them to his sides. Their eyes met for one burning moment before Harry closed his and leaned down pressing his lips against Louis'. "I can't let you go, I just can't," he whispered after pulling back if only for a second before he kissed Louis again.

Louis sighed into Harry's mouth, part of him wanting to push the him away, to be reasonable that Harry should not be doing this. Harry parted his mouth open, and their tongues met, the never ending waves of emotion going through Louis. Harry pulled back and nudged Louis' head to the side, and Louis took the chance to say something. "You don't...You don't know what you're saying. You don't need to be lying to me, I know I'll never be to you how you were to me,"

Harry sighed, suddenly his face lit up. "You wouldn't be here if a part of you didn't trust me. I know you still care Lou. FIne though, you want to know everything? okay. Come back to my place, and no secrets, and then you can decide whether you want to walk away or not. If you walk away, I will never come to you ever again. Your decision,"

The thought of Harry never talking to him ever again made Louis' insides get cold, and his hand on Harry's arm tighten. "Okay," he said before he could stop himself, and Harry smiled, kissing Louis swiftly on the lips before walking towards his car.

~

Stepping into Harry's flat was odd, it felt more colder than before. Louis stepped inside, and for a moment he wished he was back to a time where he didnt know Harry's intentions with him.

"So what do you want to know?" Harry asked softly, after he turned the lights on, and lead Louis to the couch.

"When did you not lie? Was there ever a moment that you didn't lie? Did my feelings mean nothing to you?" Louis bursted out, a month of anguish coming out all at once.

"I lied in everything, I'm sorry. I've now realised that maybe underneath the lies there may be truth, but for the most part yeah, I did lie," Harry responded. Louis didn't say anything, if anything Harry just establashed what was already known. "Louis please, I lied because I was scared. After the night on the rooftop for some moments I thought I couldn't go through with lying to you, for a while I didn't think I could, but you made it so easy, and the guilty feelings just went away. I didn't just want to get into your pants, I wanted to use you for my advantage, see how far I could take things before I made you break. Though along the way I realised that I was doing things differently with you than with others I was previously with. I gave you my necklace, I let you sleep in my bed, I played along for all those months. Before, anyone who even touched my necklace would get a few words consisting of "f/cking off". I don't let people in bed, I just don't. I almost made a mistake the day you found out by bringing some random whore in here but I couldnt go through with it. I get sick and tired of all those other whores I just wanted to sleep with after the first few weeks, but I never got tired of you. I've wanted you since day one, I haven't gone a day without thinking about you since you found out. I can't stress this enough, I'm sorry, god, Lou, I'm so sorry,"

"You wanna know something? I wondered for who knows how long, what was wrong with me? That you couldn't love me or care for me how I care for you. I cried and screamed and just wanted you back, not giving a flying damn for what you've done. I'm sick with myself for being here listening to you admit to all the bull sh/t you put me through and still wanting to be here with you. You wanna know something else? F'ck you Harry Styles, f'ck you for everything you've ever put me through. F'ck you for every lie thats ever come out of your sh't filled mouth. F'ck you for being a f'ckhole. F'ck you for making me care so much about you. F'ck you for doing this to me. F'ck the fact that I can't just walk out this door...even after all you've admitted to. F'ck all these feelings that I still have for you. F'ck you harry," Louis shouted, standing up.

Harry's mouth set into a thin line, and he rose but Louis pushed him back against the couch. "F'ck you for making me feel this way. F'ck you for using all those other girls the way you used me. F'ck you for being a careless f'ck. F'ck you for not caring about anyone but yourself. F'ck you for letting me fall in love with you. and most of all," and then Louis leaned forward and slammed his lips harshly against Harry's. "f'ck me for still wanting to be with you,"

Louis put all his force into the kiss, and Harry though surprised met him in intensity. Louis parted his lips, Harry pulled back and pushed Louis back. Louis was now lying on the couch, and Harry was hovering over him. Harry's mouth never leaving Louis' neck. Louis moaned, and gripped Harry's curls. All reason leaving his body as Harry sucked harshly against Louis' neck.

"I don't think...I don't think this is the right time," Harry murmured against Louis' skin. Louis groaned out loud, pushing Harry away. Harry sat back, his lips a dark pink, his hair was in every direction and Louis didn't even want to think about how he looked like.

They didn't break eye contact, finally Harry grabbed Louis' hand. "You won't regret it," he whispered. 

Louis half smiled, "I hate what you do to me,"

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young. naive. stupid love.