FREAKS (mikasa)

58. maybe its time to say goodbye

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐒

staring at yourself in the beach restroom mirror you watched as your eyes began to water.

"pull yourself together, this is already embarrassing as is." you whispered to youself, gently dabbing a paper towel underneath your eyes to prevent your makeup from running.

you used the "i'm gonna go fix my hair" excuse to get away from your friends, but you really came into cry. thank god nobody had come into the bathroom but you'd already been in here for 10 minutes.

a sigh escaped from your mouth as your thoughts ran back and forth.

should i really let someone else's opinion on my life affect me this much? i mean ymir and historia have been together way longer so obviously i'm not gonna be completely ready to live together after 2 months, right?

but i mean mikasa is ready to give up a lot for me and we've been friends for years...

then again friends and girlfriends are different

shit i have no ide-

"hey, just where i thought you'd be." mikasa opened the barn door to the beach public restrooms. you were startled by her suddenly entering.

"yeah..." you said with a disappointed tone, you really just wanted to cry in peace and then pretend none of this happened.

"sorry i interrupted, but nobody fixes their hair for 11 minutes." she leaned against the wall

"oh so you counted?" you laughed

"possibly, but that's not important. just know i respect whatever you wanna do, and you're not a bad person for wanting something for yourself. i know you've wanted this for some time and you've sacrificed a lot for us so i think you deserve to be happy." she said

"i just feel like fucking shit cause everyone made my answer seem like the final say or some shit, god that was so humiliating oh my god." you sniffed over the sinks.

"but that's everyone else's opinion, their input adds nothing to our relationship. and quite frankly it's not their business what we do." mikasa went over to you and consoled you. she pulled you into a close hug while you buried your face in her shoulder.

"are you sure?" your voice sounded muffled

"why wouldn't i be. and we can always do long distance, yeah? i still have some time before i head home so you can visit, or i can. whatever you wanna do." she said, you pulled away and looked her in the eye. she held your hand with your fingers interlocked with one another.

she tried to sound confident in this but you both understood that once you left it would potentially be the beginning of the end. in the back of your mind you knew this was coming soon.

if you were lucky you'd both last on long distance a good 4-6 months. but there was no way you'd end off the school year without being distant. emotionally and globally.

"let's just think about now." you said your favorite line when you wanted to pretend everything was okay.

"yeah." she said in a soft whisper before leading you out the bathroom. stepping down the wooden steps that led out of the little shack and back out to the cool breeze, setting sun, and sand your chest felt heavy.

seeing mikasa lead you and hold your hand like always, a sight you'd probably not see again. your tears clouded your vision but you took a deep breath.

i just have to get through the rest of tonight without crying.

the rest of the night you weren't as engaged like you were before. your mind raced on the next few weeks. before she was your girlfriend she was your bestfriend.

you'd never been seperated from her like what you were about to be, so not only would your romantic relationship possibly be ruined but imagine the friendship.

what if i lose her completely

god, if you're real, please just please don't let her find someone else. promise i'll see her again, please.

-

12:19 AM

NOW PLAYING: 2009 SLOWED

"i just wanna thank you guys for the- i'm sorry." sasha stopped her going away speech because of the lump in her throat, the brunette fanned her face to stop the salty liquid from falling from her eyes.

"aww, stop." mina said tearing up too. you and all your friends began to sniffle and cry a bit too, even connie.

the waves crashed against the sand peacefully. most of you guys were drunk or getting there so you guys were really emotional but your friend leaving really pushed you guys.

you couldn't wrap your brain around it, this was the start of the ending of an era. life really hurts like that. it's hard saying goodbye to places you get comfortable in.

"i just wanna thank you guys for the best 4 years ever, i probably would've offed myself if i didn't have such an amazing family. especially you connie, you've just always been so amazing to me and down to act a complete fool for me. te amo." she said with a shaky voice as sage tried to rub her back and comfort her.

"te amo mi amiga." connie whimpered, coming in close to his best friend since they were kids and hugging her like never before. they both cried into each other's shoulder before all your friends joined in to give sasha one final group hug.

"i'm gonna miss you guys." sasha's voice sounded muffled from everyone basically squishing her. after some time everyone pulled away and sasha told everyone their seperate goodbyes.

when she got to you she sobbed into your shoulder.
you were like the sister she never had, other than kaya. she would take a bullet for you because of all the "bullets" you took for her.

(i was such a damn menace like 😭😭 so evil)

"you make me not wanna leave." she whimpered into your shoulder, her tears ran down your shoulder.

"don't say that, this is a new beginning! a blessing for you! enjoy it. life is short." you pulled her away from you, your hands rested on her shoulders so she could look you in the eye.

"i love you so much, mija." she said before going to say her last goodbyes to the other people.

you guys cleaned up the beach and went into the parking lot to your cars. before sage and sasha's car pulled off sasha rolled down the window. you pulled out your phone to record since this would be your final time with her for some time.

"I LOVE YOU GUYS!" she yelled out the window of the passenger's seat as sage drove out. your friends honked their horns as if to cheer her on.

not too much longer before it's me...

after rolling up your windows eren took you guys back to the band's house. the car ride was filled with nothing but quiet sobs that escaped from you and mikasa.

you went through your snapchat memories and looked at old videos of you and sasha.

another video of you, sasha, eren, mikasa, and connie but in band practice.

"watch." sasha whispered to your camera before she put one of her taki's in erens horn and it got stuck so he couldn't blow out it. you, connie, sasha, and mikasa laughed and snickered while eren started bitching about how sasha broke it

"bruh no, what did you put in this, stop it's not funny." he turned the horn upside down and tried to shake it out but it couldn't reach it.

"yes the hell it is." connie clapped his hands, this back when his laugh sounded like a bottle of windex.

-

you turned off your phone to stop yourself from crying even more. there were plenty more where that came from.

i just hope i can see her again.