TripleEz is Coming

Planes are too high/Jelly the unicorn/Icarus/The oracle/Return to moonopia

Thursday

Readers, those of you both bizarre and relatively confusing (that is - most of you), tell me what your experiences of flight consist of. You see there are some problems with being a mostly functioning mechanical entity who has decided to hurtle through the air in a charming but completely terrifying winged metal tube.

Main problem is that I seem to lack airplane mode. I've been getting some odd looks in my desperate quest for a switch but my search has so far been in vain. This means that I am still transmitting to all robots in the vicinity. Unfortunately Mysterious Ezila isn't here so that means that I'm busy linking with the plane.

Now, those of you who are actually human (that's not including those who are pretending to be human, those who are only half human and those who are engaged in self denial about their extraterrestrial origins and have firmly convinced both themselves and all around them that they are human) and who listen to the safety announcements before the flight will know that one doesn't want to do that. Those of you (and planet of origin doesn't matter here) who have joined the dots will realize that, well, THE PLANE IS CRASHING!

If any of you who happen to be time travelers with a degree in mechanics and capable of dealing with primitive but really very polite and charismatic technology read this and decide that you have no prior commitments please just pop along to somewhere over the ocean, Earth, the Milky Way, the small bit of the universe that most underdeveloped peoples believe to be the whole of reality. Local time: somewhere around 2:10 on a Thursday, year 2015. It's the 21st century. Please help.

As to what we're doing on this swiftly descending yet still friendly and forgiving aircraft - well it features yesterday's kidnapping. Oh, and Bobby kidnapped Fifi. Not the other way round. Fifi was the kidnapee. We aren't sure why but it was almost certainly related to Dubh (we can't blame TripleEz OR Egub anymore).

We've been working our metal plating off to find any leads and we have isolated and drugged and maybe - if you want to get technical - kidnapped (that one's a bit iffy) Bobby's twin sister. She's currently stuffed in a massive bag in the hold... Oh sorry, I was reading the plan for the next few days. We haven't got the sister yet but, reading this, it looks like I'm supposed to be on my way to one of those ridiculous human cities in order to find this sister. The plane crashing is happening right now. Head to now, time traveling mechanics. Head to now.

So the city is called "Athens" and is apparently the last known residence of this horned equine. I will be in the country of 'Greace' for the next few days. No, sorry, 'Greese'. Oops, wrong again. It's 'Greeacse'. Your updates may be a little out of sync but that isn't my fault. Also, there will probably be no more updates now: even if I mange to weather the long plummet towards that rapidly approaching sea I will rust away in to scraps of iron oxide that will disperse like fleshlings blood on the ocean current.

That's actually a surprisingly depressing thought. Don't dwell on it to much and above all don't feel too heartbroken about my non existence. Everything is temporary- even self aware robots who really want to keep plotting vast world conquering schemes and if that isn't enough to send you running to find the nearest hole in the continuum I'm trying to help a friend and for once you might be able to call me a hero. It's just that I'd rather be a still existent hero than a beautiful and perfect memory.

OK. To whoever of you called up the ten year old girl who is kneeling next to me and fiddling around with my internal wiring - thank you. She says that she comes from beyond the grave or some place like that so gentle reader you know who you are. If this young whizz is part of your friends or family please consider giving her a pocket money raise. You might also want to ask her why she's on fire. I don't know if she's supposed to be or not but it's a little toasty and one of the in flight attendants is giving her some odd looks.