TripleEz is Coming

Cheese

Chèvre ice cream. Pizza. Pizzas. Roast chicken. BBQ sauce. Blue cheese. Cheddar. Camembert. Roquefort. Iced tea. Cheese fondue. Brie. Babybel. Stilton. Chocolate éclairs. Manchego. Raspberry yogurt with the pips. Parmesan. Slightly undercooked home baked white bread (with lots of salt.) Swiss. Emmental. Pancakes with Cadbury's chocolate spread. Pink lady apples. Mozzarella.

All of these things are necessary for a unicorn to have a long and healthy life, studies show. They (studies) also warn that feeding these foodstuffs to unicorn/horses or horse/unicorns could prove fatal for both fed and feeder. Only a unicorn, with it's eight stomachs can digest that many dairy products. Don't try this diet yourself.

The studies also mention that if your unicorn doesn't get the correct blend of cheese it will try to let you know by making its horn glow a deep blue. This is not a good sign. Your unicorn's horn might fall off meaning that it would not only be down one stomach but it will also be useless for breeding as the unicorn genome is contained in the horn.

If the horn does start to glow purchase all of the cheeses listed above and force them down your unicorn's throat. When its throat has been sufficiently plugged up then it will stop breathing and the horn will go back to normal. Stand up from where you've probably collapsed, that is - on top of your unicorn, and it should start behaving normally again.

This message was brought to you by the IUP, the institute of unicorn protection/prevention

Let us know how it went. Comment if you had any problems, like your unicorn collapsing and proving unwilling to get up or move. We don't have a unicorn so we don't have any problems of our own there but if you are the proud owner of one such wild, wild beast then don't hesitate to let us know. Our answers might be slightly hesitant but they will be answers and that is all that matters in the end.

For the record, we're thinking of getting one. We'll get someone to look after it - the plus to having human slaves (the negative being their strange and incomprehensible languages and also their tendency to start rotting) and we will love it and care for it and above all none of us will trust it. That'll be nice!

Also, I don't like the smell of cheese. I was doing an experiment in which I added nasal sensors to my visage and then I tried smelling cheese and it wasn't nice. I cried for hours - despite having no tear ducts! Such are the evils of cheese. And such is also the reason why I have no intention of caring for a unicorn and handling that dreaded substance. I don't have that much of a death wish and anyway, when humans complain it's a lot easier to block out than your control center shutting down!

Hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot