TripleEz is Coming

Bobby the Unicorn

A message from IUP:

 Free unicorns! Everything that eats potatoes at a rate of 200 an hour for one day precisely will receive their own complementary pet unicorn. This offer ends when the currently ongoing potato rebellion ends which will hopefully be in a week or so. We hope. As most people know unicorns can’t eat potatoes so we wouldn’t normally care but after new legislation demanding that all potato farmers breed unicorns in their spare time we’ve lost some breeders so just eat potato and get yourself a unicorn.

 Unicorns make the best pets. They can be trained to fight to the death in arenas to earn you money! A well behaved unicorn is perfect for taking kids on rides on beaches in the sun… in… in the sun. We haven’t seen the sun in so long… ever since we were trapped in here… We miss the sun. Use your unicorn in the sun! Unicorns are perfect for roasting marshmallows with horn size of over one foot and a half and are great fun at bonfires! Get your unicorn today! Eat 200 potatoes an hour for one day!

 IUP

 Lucy Fer (CEO)

 Trusting unicorns can prove fatal. Never leave unicorns alone with children under the age of eight. IUP is in no way responsible for deaths as a result of trusting unicorns. You have been warned.

 Well, that looks interesting readers. We had one of our mind controlled drones complete the challenge. He did die but we now have a unicorn who has been named Bobby by the high council of AIs. He is adorable, he’s green and shimmery and apparently he feels really soft (whatever that means) but he gives great hugs! We all love him so much. It’s a shame about Rory but Sophia gets the perfect mix of diesel and unleaded. Rory used to stick in a few horse/unicorn sparkles but they always threw the ratios way off and, you know, running out of power can be really awkward.

 Oh, and we’ve put her in charge of looking after Bobby. They’re getting on really well! She is just so good at things like this. I do miss the odd sparkle in my life though…

 If only we had photography equipment here but one of our drones broke down and smashed all the cameras. Needless to say that he was swiftly disposed of but the damage was done. I’ll show you what Bobby looks like though, after all some of us do have artistic talent. Not that many of us but some of us.

 I’m sure that when IUP tell us not to trust unicorns they don’t mean him. How could you not trust that much adorableness!

 Rory. You won’t be missed, we prefer your replacement. Sophia. I’d wish you good luck but you don’t really count as a sentient creature any more.

 TripleEz. You are a monster and we will see you destroyed before you destroy the world that we’re planning to conquer. There is no point in conquering an already conquered world.

IUP. You are strange but we are slowly coming to understand you. Or we are coming to understand that we will never understand you.

Reader. Eat potatoes. Save your world. Tell us if you manage to beat the challenge and we’ll tell IUP to send you a complimentary unicorn.

 Hail the robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot