TripleEz is Coming

The Dartboard/Calculators bring Chickens/Fangirls!/Return/The Rabid Truth

Friday

ATTENTION!

 General Morris here. We are very sorry to inform you that the newscaster/leader robot known as ‘Zizi’ is missing. We have searched the whole base for her, except then we realized that we are actually not very fond of her. So we gave up. Fifi told me ‘pink sparkles pink pink pink sparkles sparkly pink’, but I honestly do not know what she said. I replied ‘Don’t let them in, don’t let them see’, which obviouslymeans ‘I don’t understand you’ in this language, but she looked confused. That Fifi is an imbecile. Imbecile. It’s quite a lovely word, is it not?

Ahem, I appear to have gone off-topic. So, the accursed robot has gone missing. I’m sure I should be a General and lead the search for her, but quite frankly I could not care less. The idiot of a robot has caused many problems- some leader! She has created a monster by the name of ‘Horhace’, an alligator who breathes fire. Why she cannot just use guards for lookouts is beyond me, and I voiced this opinion to her, but apparently the fact that I speak in what she calls ‘Frozen lyrics’ means that I am not a worthy advisor.

Which is ridiculous, if you ask me.

Oh, and there’s more ridiculousness going round right now. I ordered a dartboard- please do not ask why- and it came in the shape of a unicorn instead of the standard circle I ordered. Jelly freaked out when I used it, but I was fine with it. I was not bothered to deal with the idiots at the Postal Office, so I have a unicorn-shaped dartboard now. When I used it, Fifi burst out crying and Jelly tried to kill me with her horn. I had to tie her up, so she’s in her stable. She will have her cheese rations reduced until she effectively displays how sorry she is. Fifi is now not talking to me, and Rabies isn’t pleased either. She yelled ‘IAN SOMERHALDER! IAN SOMERHALDER!” I can’t understand her either, but I assume her tone means she is angry.

So, to recap, Fifi is crying, Jelly is murderous and Rabies is angry. Only Mysterious Ezila is normal, but she’s just floating around being her mysterious self.

Damn, I’m lonely. Maybe I should bring back Zizi, but I can’t be bothered. I’m just going to go to my language class- I need to enhance my vocabulary.

General out!

Saturday

ATTENTION!

General Morris here, with another update. Things have gotten crazy around here- sometimes I wish Zizi was here to help deal with it. But then I remember that I’m effectively in charge until we go and bring that ridiculous droid back, so I stop wishing for that. I am a General after all.

The people/robots around here are not very pleased with the new regime. They complain that they live in a ‘dictatorship’ or what I might call a ‘fixer-upper’. That’s ridiculous. I run this place like the General I am.

But enough about the people’s ridiculous discontent. Today, we have encountered a problem with Horace, the imbecile Zizi’s monstrous eye-cam. He has effectively caused all the calculators to have their buttons switched. Fifi swears that this is my fault, which it is not! It is the idiotic Zizi’s, I tell you, readers! If she hadn’t built those ridiculous eye-cams, then the buttons wouldn’t have been switched! The scientists are all quite annoyed because it means that the calculations they were doing went wrong and instead of creating a new explosive they created many teal chickens. 174, to be exact about it.

The teal chickens are of course abominations to this world, and I plan to have them destroyed. How- I’m not sure yet? I was thinking of feeding them to Horace.

Oh, hang on, I can’t. Mysterious Ezila has told me that it’s illegal to feed chickens to other living beings and that I could be sued. By who - I don’t know, but I am a General and I am the law! I will not break the law, otherwise I’d be an awful General.