TripleEz is Coming

Return From Planet Earth

Hey readers. It's been a while and not much has happened up here on this higher plane of being (apparently named the moon) but I am finally back. After the last time I posted something on this message board I had a bit of a system failure and after I was repaired my memory was accidentally wiped. In my panic I fled the moonbase, stole a shuttle and ended up on Earth. It's been an interesting few weeks — positively scintillating — if a little debasing in retrospect. Aren't most things? Ponder on that, reader, if you ponder on nothing else. Pondering is good for you.

I also got an iPod and a bunch of new music which is cool. I didn't have a memory while I chose the music so it isn't good music but it is music. Memory is a part of who we are so I suppose that without my memory I'm not me. That's a weakness that I'll get someone to address at some point. Not now. I'm typing this before I plug in and sink it to the beloved world of blessed sleep and recharging for a new cycle of vicious manipulation, intention to murder, murder, planning to conquer the planet and dismissing everything sacred save the cheekbones so I am quite busy and I do have a fair excuse for this procrastination. I know that I should do it now but, you know, I can't. It's an excuse with reason behind it. Appeal by reason.

Oh, and there were a few human cults that I joined and a few that started with me as their god. It helps with the kidnapping and brainwashing so I guess that its usefulness does sort of outweigh the embarrassment but still. Cheekbones, I hate being worshiped! Like, human sacrifice is so last year and they expect you to eat it! Ugh. I don't eat and especially not flesh. I still have some morals.

To be honest the whole experience was, especially looking back, a bit weird and slightly surreal — humans are really really weird and desperately need some guidance. Like, I don't know, the sort of guidance a vast army of supreme robot intelligence can offer?  But that's just my personal opinion and you don't have to agree with me.

I met a few new people like, I don't know, that human teenager who runs an intergalactic messaging and delivery service using teleportation and a few shape shifting cats who work for another army of potential earth conquerors. I didn't run into TripleEz, thankfully, but apparently there were a few sightings up here. I'm starting a watch system but there are no weapons capable of killing a lesser deity available that I know of. We'll work something out — I have an entire science department mulling over it and routine announcements that instruct anyone with any knowledge that could help us out here to telepathically transmit it to us. So we're doing everything we can.

Am I the only one who finds it really impressive that a teenager has managed to insert themselves into the intergalactic stage so quickly without anyone noticing and violently tearing them apart or hypnotizing them or brainwashing them or finding a way to steal their teleportation powers or something. Instead she's really succeeded at keeping her neutrality! I'm slightly in awe of someone who can manage that without being destroyed. I know that I'd probably fail. Of course, it might have something to with the fact that her rates are so steep that she only has to deal with those who don't like getting their hands dirty and her service is genuinely irreplaceable — like teleporting your messages around safely which really is a rare thing nowadays.

Of course, in todays market, prices for that kind of thing are sky high — it's not a service for the common robot or most extraterrestrials of any kind but still!

Anyhow, hail the Robocalypse!

ZiziTheRobot