-Blake-
"It means you are Antoni Woźniak."
Silence fell into the room. Of course, I had known what it meant, but I guess I didn't want to hear it. I wasn't ready to hear it. But now, it was said, but instead of relief or happiness or even disbelief, I felt nothing.
"I'm sorry... I need more time..."
That was all I could say.
"It's all right, sweetheart," Julia murmured sympathetically. "You take as much time as you need. Everyone will understand."
I stepped away from the door, nodding at Julia. I felt numb. I had tried to embrace myself for the news, but I clearly hadn't been ready for this.
"You have nothing to worry about," Julia promised. "I'll deal with this. You... Just... Don't worry about it. Nothing will change if you don't want it."
"Thanks..." I muttered.
She smiled at me. I felt bad for not being able to say much else. Her smile turned sad just before she turned around and walked back downstairs. I stared after her, still unable to feel a thing. I probably would've stayed there for much longer if Jordan hadn't placed a hand on my shoulder, making me look at him.
"Are you all right?" he asked, and I shrugged. "It's all right if you're not."
I shrugged again.
"We don't have to talk about it now if you don't want to," he spoke soothingly. "I know this is a lot to take in, but this is not a bad thing."
"I guess..."
He let out a breath and tried to smile, but the worry was clear in his eyes. "Come... I'll make us tea."
"Sure..." I mumbled, and was about to follow him into the kitchen, but something caught my eye, so I turned around.
I was immediately faced by my own image. The man in Jordan's painting was staring at me in the corner, and for a short moment, I didn't recognize him as me. It wasn't Blake Smith that looked back at me. It was Antoni, a guy with the last name I couldn't even pronounce.
Without even realizing it, I made my way to it, and stopped to stare at my own face.
"Baby?"
I peered at Jordan, but then turned to stare at the painting again.
"I should be happy," I muttered. "I know I should, but..."
"This is a very complicated situation. It's completely normal for the emotions to be complicated as well," Jordan spoke quietly, touching my hand lightly.
"I don't know how to feel," I admitted. "What am I even supposed to do with that information? That I'm this... This... Polish guy?"
"We have all the time in the world to figure that out," he said gently. "And Mom is right, nothing has to change if that's what you want."
"I don't know what I want," I muttered, knowing how childish I was being, but...
"Blake," he whispered, placing his hand on my cheek. He smiled at me when I turned to look at him. "We're not in a hurry here. And no matter what, I will always stand by your side, whatever you choose to do."
I stared at him for a long time. His gentle smile gave me comfort, and it was becoming harder to not believe his words. I leaned my forehead against his and took a deep breath. The happiness of having him washed away the numbness I felt, and I started to believe it didn't matter what my name was.
I was still the same man. The man who was in love with Jordan. The man who he loved.
"Sorry... I seem to be having an existential crisis..." I said, letting out an awkward chuckle.
"And who could blame you?" he spoke softly. "You were robbed of your whole life and your identity."
"Still... I don't know why I got so upset... We pretty much knew the answer already. The guy in that picture looked so much like me..."
"But it wasn't real yet. Not until now," he spoke in my ear, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
"I guess..."
"Come – I'll make us tea and then I could really use some fresh air," Jordan said, nodding towards the balcony. "It's such nice weather."
Shortly after, I found myself sitting in the balcony, holding a big cup of tea and a sandwich in my hands. We stayed silent while I spent some time gathering my thoughts, trying to understand how I was really feeling.
"I always thought I was living the life I was born to have," I finally murmured, my cup half empty already. "But now it turned out that I wasn't supposed to be a homeless criminal..."
Jordan was silent for a moment, but when I turned to look at him, he gave me a shy smile.
"I always thought you were meant to find me," he spoke almost timidly.
"You're right about that," I said, and continued after giving it a thought, "And I guess that is all that matters really. I was meant to find you, and I did. That's the life I was supposed to have."
Jordan gave me a bright smile, but it faded soon, and his expression turned sad. "I can't even imagine the pain your parents must've been living with ever since you disappeared."
"Neither can I," I said truthfully.
I thought about the couple in the picture Julia had given me. Had they still been holding onto hope even after all these years? Did they still believe they'd find me someday after such a long time? How had they reacted when Mr. Ellis first contacted them? How did they feel that morning when they went to take the DNA test? Did they still miss me? A son they barely got to know before I was taken from them?
"What if I'm not the person they expect me to be?" I murmured.
"If they are decent people, you are exactly the son they'd want," Jordan said with a smile. "But if things don't work out with them – and believe me, I really wish they do – you have us. We are your family, no matter what."
"Thanks, babe," I smiled back at him, but I was suddenly feeling a bit nervous. "I have no idea how much they know about me," I said, regretting not asking more about them. "Do they know what kind of life I had? Do they know I'm in a relationship with you?"
"You will get your answers once you're ready," he smiled at me.
More and more questions appeared in my head, but one of them made me feel worse. "I don't even know their names..."
"You will soon," Jordan promised.
"I wonder if they already know about the test results..." I spoke.
"Probably," Jordan guessed.
"They probably reacted better than I did," I muttered in shame. "I bet they're so excited... And I don't know how to feel... I don't even know what to think..."
"You have the right to your feelings," Jordan said immediately. "You shouldn't feel bad because of it. Like I said, this is a complicated situation, so the feelings will be complicated too. There is still much uncertainty and a lot of unanswered questions that are making things harder to digest. I'm sure they would understand."
I chuckled lightly, but I didn't have words to say, other than, "I guess you're right."
"I am right," he smiled.
I was grateful for his optimism. If I was being honest with myself, I was almost... scared. However, Jordan's words gave me the reassurance I needed at that moment. And I was starting to feel much better – and secure.
"I probably would've freaked out if you weren't here for me," I told him quietly, earning a bright smile from him. "I mean... I wouldn't know what to do next."
"Like I said, I will always stand by your side, no matter what," he said, placing a hand on mine.
I stared at him for a long time, enjoying the warmth of his skin on mine. I brought his hand up on my lips and gently planted a kiss on it, earning a chuckle from him.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said, but then I let out a sigh and turned to look at the city that was looming in front of us. "My name is Antoni Woźniak... Even saying it out loud feels wrong..." I muttered.
"It's a handsome name," Jordan said quietly.
"I've had many names, but I always thought Blake was my real first name," I said. "It's hard to wrap my head around it."
"You don't have to use it if you don't want to," Jordan said. "I like Blake. It's a very handsome name."
"I like Jordan too," I smirked. "It's a beautiful name."
"It's beautiful when you whisper it in my ear," he purred, leaning closer to kiss my lips.
"Is that so?" I purred back, quickly starting to forget all the worries in the world.
"Uh-huh," he nodded before the kiss continued.
*****
I didn't want to think much about my real name during the rest of the day. I was feeling better about the whole thing now, but I still wanted to sleep over it before even trying to decide how to feel. Besides, Jordan was amazing at keeping me preoccupied, so I didn't even have to force myself to not think about it.
He decided I needed more pampering, so after a good meal, a movie, and cupcakes he made, he suggested I'd take a bath.
"You don't have to spoil me like this," I chuckled. "We can do something you want to do."
"My king needs a bath," he smiled.
"You're making me feel silly when you call me that," I chuckled.
"But I want to treat you like one. You are my king – my beloved king," he spoke quietly, moving his hands across my shoulders, straightening my shirt. "You should be a king," he added with a smirk.
"An ex-convict?" I raised an eyebrow at him in amusement.
"King of thieves?" he suggested playfully. "That's hot."
"I still need that motorbike," I said. "I will get one at some point. You still think that's hot, right?"
He laughed lightly and hugged me. "If it involves you, everything is hot."
We eventually made our way into the bathroom. After we managed to get our hands off each other. I was in such a great mood already, but little did I know, our evening was about to get even better.
The warm water and the sea of foam felt heavenly on my body when I carefully sat down into the bathtub. Jordan was eyeing at my body greedily, so I did my best to flex every single muscle while getting into the bath, but I only wound up winded. He knew what I had been up to – the knowing smirk on his face revealed that much – but he was gracious enough not to say anything. I just laughed while trying to catch my breath.
"Is it warm enough?" Jordan asked, kneeling down next to the tub with his sleeves rolled up.
I nodded and watched him touch the bubbles carefully before scooping up some water and pouring it on my shoulder.
"Are you going to wash me too?" I asked jokingly.
"Yes," he said, smiling at me, but that smile faded a little, and he sighed. "I wish I could join you..."
I was silent for a moment, quickly trying to think of the best way to get him into the bath with me without making him feel uncomfortable. "What if we get rid of the water first?" I suggested. "You could sit on my lap and get used to being here?"
His eyes darted towards me for a brief second, but then, he shook his head. "It's not about me today... I'm supposed to spoil you, remember?"
"Love, we should be spoiling each other, not just me," I said, touching his cheek gently.
He bit his lower lip, looking a bit timid when he turned his attention back to the water. "I mean... it doesn't feel that scary," he spoke with a tiny voice. "It's not something I think about often, so..."
"Do you want to try?" I asked quietly, touching his wrist lightly.
"I... Yeah?" he said, giving me a spooked smile. "I'd love to."
I took his hand and pressed a kiss on it, trying to act as calm as possible, even though I was getting excited.
"Okay, so how are we going to do this?" I asked with an encouraging smile.
"I... uh..." he muttered, his entire posture turning timid. "I guess I should take off my clothes first."
"That's a good start," I nodded.
Normally, I would've enjoyed watching him get undressed, but now it was clear he was feeling uncomfortable. I got out of the bath when he was getting off his pants, and once he was standing in front of me in his birth suit, I carefully wrapped my arms around him and kissed his forehead.
"Let's take it slowly, hmm?" I smiled at him.
"I'd like that," he whispered, his body relaxing a bit in my arms.
When he was calm enough, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, putting my feet in the water. I held his hand in mine, patiently waiting for him to join me. Slowly, he followed my example. Little by little moved his foot over the edge and shivered when his toes touched the foam, then the water. He gave me a bright smile when he placed that foot on the bottom of the tub and moved to sit down next to me.
"It's not that bad," he muttered once he had settled down, still holding my hand tightly.
"That's great," I praised him.
We sat there a while while he took his time getting comfortable again. When he gave me the permission, I sat down into the water, being careful not to accidentally push him or anything. We talked a bit like always, but soon, he got closer to the edge.
"Okay," he breathed out, peering at the dissolving bubbles. "I can do this..."
"There's no rush, babe," I reminded him, but he ignored me.
I gave him all the support he needed when he got off the edge and sat down on my lap. His entire body was tense while the excess water spilled over the edges. I held him tightly and whispered soothing things to him to help him stay calm. I was happy to see he wasn't too scared, but he wasn't comfortable either.
"It's fine. I'm fine..." he kept muttering to himself, wrapping his arms tighter around my shoulders.
"Yes, everything is fine," I kept telling him.
"Never thought I'd use this..." he whispered with wide eyes, still not panicking.
"And here you are," I smiled at him.
He looked at me and gave me an excited smile. "Here I am," he said so happily I just wanted to kiss him.
He hugged me even tighter, resting his head against the crook of my neck. He spent a long time taking in deep breaths, with his eyes closed. He wiggled around a bit to find a more comfortable position in my lap, and when he finally settled down, I wrapped my arms tightly around him and planted a kiss on his temple.
"Now this bath is perfect," I told him.
"This is so nice..." he murmured, snuggling closer to me. "Scary, but nice..."
"I won't let anything bad happen to you," I promised, caressing his side. "There's nothing to be afraid of. I got you."
"I know," he said, looking up at me. "I'm taking a bath."
"Yup," I managed to say just before he kissed my lips.
We stayed in the bath for quite some time. Jordan was relaxing in my arms, clearly enjoying being there with me. I was amazed by how easily it had happened too. Drowning was one of his biggest fears, but there he was with me, in the crowded bathtub without being afraid. Timid, yes, but not afraid.
"If I'd known how nice this was, I would've done this sooner," he chuckled, moving his hand across the water.
"This was the right time for it," I told him. "You're so much stronger than before. These things you once thought were impossible for you now only need a little bit of work."
"I know," he breathed out contently. "This is kind of hot, too."
My head came to a full stop for a moment. "I... uh... It sure is... Indeed..."
He laughed lightly at my awkwardness and turned to give me a devilish smirk.
"We should start doing this more often," he purred.
"I... uh... We sure should... Indeed," I stammered jokingly, earning a warm smile and a kiss from him.