From day to day I am getting confident about myself, I am also getting confident about my feelings towards him. The feelings are strong and sometimes they empower me because I'm not that strong and then my eyes get watery and then they get that beautiful blue shade and so tears cover my cheeks. I always fight them but I'm not strong enough. Maybe I'm not strong enough but I can be bold sometimes, I can be courageous sometimes.
I remember when I told him partially how I feel about him. I'm thinking about that time when I told him how I love talking to him and how he makes me feel good, so, he knows that and he didn't say anything back, that I remember. He never said that he doesn't want to hang out, that he doesn't want to talk and every time I ask him for something he's always up for it, he always says yes to, he was always open for anything with me. Isn't that a bold thing to do? To tell him that I like being with him, that I love talking to him. That is a big step for me. I would never say that to anyone, I guess I'm more open now, who would know.
From time to time I ask him that one thing that I love being asked. "How are you?" When I ask that I mean it, I want to know how is he, I want to know if he's ok or not, I want to know. Then, I love his responses, sometimes are good and sometimes he's just ok, even when he says that he's so so I also hear it in his voice. I love how honest he is with me when he tells me how he really feels but I just wish that I could help somehow. Being there for him that's the only thing he needs. I don't like it when he's not in a mood, but that's just sometimes, especially on those days I would like to be there for him, to help him somehow. I wish that we could text sometimes but I'm afraid that I'm bothering him, at night it's the only time when he has time for himself, I would text then but no. If only I could text him 'I'm here for you', I want for him to know that I want for him to count on me, for anything. I know it's stupid and maybe that I am asking for too much but I wish that I could be a big part of his life, I know that I'm not but I want to.