"Tell me, what do you truly desire?"
That's what would Lucifer ask right before he hypnotizes a person so they would tell him their desire, it's from the homonymous TV show, but I wouldn't know what to say. A desire. For me, I wouldn't know what to say, but thinking about it now I think I know what I desire the most. Let me ask you, what is it that you desire?
When you meet someone new, how do you introduce yourself? You say your name, your age and later when that someone asks you what do you do then you say your occupation and where you work if you work. Let me start again.
Hello there, my name is Kate, I am 27 almost 28 and please, please don't ask me what I do for work because I don't work and I hate that question. I live somewhere in Europe and if I tell you which country you wouldn't know where it is but I will tell you only this. I live in a city called Belgrade, some of you might know where it is and others, well... let's just leave it at that.
A month ago I started physical therapy. I have back and neck issues ever since I was little but I never got a proper therapist to help me with pain that I have almost every day and that I have struggled with all my life. I've had enough with personal training and help that wasn't doing anything good. I wasted my money on something that worked halfway. My shoulder pain was back and I just didn't know what to do. So, I heard about this guy, who's a physical therapist, like two months before I even started with him but I wasn't sure, I was lazy and I didn't want to spend so much money on someone who wouldn't help me, I was skeptical, I lost faith and the very last glimmer of hope I used on this guy. 'Let's do this' I said to myself, I wanted to give him at least a chance. 'I'll go for a month or two and I'll stop.' I thought to myself, what could go wrong. I contacted him, William (29), and booked an appointment for him to examine me. On September 17th I went to the gym near me, where he works, to meet him. As soon as I got there I sat down to wait for him. The gym had those zig-zag stairs that were leading in and out, so as I was sitting on a chair at the bottom of those stairs he was coming down. As soon as I saw him I thought I saw a glimpse of white light around him but it was just my imagination. Will is young and cute I couldn't believe he's going to be my therapist. He is a bit taller than me, thin, good looking with somewhat that I could see, six-pack. I couldn't believe my eyes, all of a sudden I wanted him, I wanted him bad. He is so gorgeous, handsome, and damn hot. He has muscles but they're not too big or too small, it's a perfect size, I'm still talking about his muscles. He seriously looks amazing. So, the examination went good but from that day, from the moment I left the gym, I never stopped thinking about him. I was so drawn to him, I just wanted to jump him and take him but no, of course, I didn't act on it, I couldn't, I'm not that kind of a person. Ever since I started physical therapy he was constantly on my mind and I keep looking at his lips, his back, his ass. I was holding back so much, it was so hard but I managed to hold it back. This is not supposed to be happening to me, something like this happens only in movies, it was so surreal. We got time to talk, to learn more about each other. He is very pleasant to talk to but I kept feeling attracted to him. Attracted like a magnet, how do you manage to pull back two magnets? Almost every day I had looked at his lips, I really wanted to kiss him, I still do.
Last month was intense, I wanted to touch him, every inch of him, and of course his small but tight ass. The first week he was always next to me so I could sense his masculine sense. It was hypnotic. I wanted to be in his arms so badly. That day I was turned on. I was anxious and nervous. All-day I was pushing my nails into my palms so hard it hurts. I cooled down after with some music.
I have to say that he is a great listener, I feel like I can tell him anything. This year I am supposed to graduate to get my master's degree but I had a medium setback. I have some problems and that just stresses me and so I lost some weight because of it. My mentor is giving me corrections on his corrections and he is asking for too much, for something that I can not give, something that is not in my power to do. It is too hard and I sometimes am not in the mood because he is giving me a hard time. It feels like he won't let me graduate and it's stressing me out. I mean yes I looked a bit better but I was losing it so, one day, Will saw me that I wasn't myself and when I told him that I am stressed out he did this. I still don't know why he did this, I mean he's not paid to do this but I am still grateful for this and I will always be. "When you finish the treadmill come to me to talk." I wasn't sure what was going on but I played along. I sat down next to him on a punching bag that was on the floor and then he asked me that one question no one has ever asked me. "What's wrong?" I didn't know where to begin. He surprised me, I didn't expect that from him, I didn't expect from a stranger, from my therapist to ask me 'what's wrong'. I told him some of it, he was listening carefully and that surprised me as well. I couldn't tell him everything because it is so hard for me even to talk about it. I was stressed, I was broken a little, right there, in front of him and he saw that. He was so sweet to listen and so I said that I can't deal with this now so we continued to workout. When we work out together he touches me, well he has to, he's a therapist but it feels good and maybe I shouldn't feel like this. His touch is something that I never knew that I needed.
One day I came earlier so I decided to take a walk around the block but then I bumped into him. We talked a little bit and then he asked me for a coffee before training. My brain started thinking and calculating. Because coffee makes my stomach roar and also it makes me sick I know that I would go to the toilet every fifteen minutes and if we go I don't have the money to pay because I only have the money for this starting month of training and I don't want him to pay for me. I thought I was supposed to do that, I know that guys always pay for stuff like that but I wanted to do it this time so I said something that I regretted ever since. That was the moment when my mouth said no, thank you. Of course, I wanted to go but... I felt so bad. How could I explain that to him? I couldn't. Also, I should have said that we could go some other time but I didn't, how dumb was that. I'm not good at improvising on the spot. A couple of weeks later I wanted to pay him back for inviting me for coffee so I texted him after training if he wants to go for a coffee after he is done with his last client. I received his reply in a minute. "I don't hang out with clients. Thanks anyway." First of all, now I was hurt, second of all what is he talking about and third what??? Is he messing with me? He asked me first and now this. I am confused, I don't know what is going on. Is he doing something to hurt me? Was he hurt? Is this a payback? I don't understand men's minds. How does it work? But for a moment I understood why he was like that. I am his client and he shouldn't mix business with pleasure, but also he can if he wants to. I see how he treats me. I see how he talks to me, how he behaves around me, and mostly how he treats me when we are not alone. He is different. I don't like that but I do understand. After that text, I text him a joke which by his reply he liked it and made him laugh. After this situation he was cool. Like nothing ever happened. That was good, mature. Then I saw his professional side.
One afternoon I sent him a text asking for the time to meet for the next training. He replied with: "I was just about to ask you that." He was thinking about me. I was happy. So I asked him if we can do therapeutic exercises because my legs were still sore from the last time. He replied like he was laughing and then said: "Sure. We'll go easy this time." There was another day when I wanted to text him playfully. "Tomorrow afternoon I am all yours. When are you free?" He didn't react to the first one, he just told me the time.
I can say with confidence that he is one of the good guys, he is different. I can tell just from his eyes and from his attitude. He is not just a hottie, he has a good and enormous heart which makes him more attractive. He is very smart and I love that about him. The only thing I don't like about him is that he smokes cigarettes, I'm all about healthy lungs.
Sometimes when he's showing exercises I look at him. There was one time when he was on all four, showing it, but all I could look at was small, rounded, in the shape of the moon, tight ass. I wanted to grab him so badly but I snapped out of it in time. His arm muscles are big enough, everything about him is a perfect size, well... except for one thing which I'm not sure. I sure look at it once in a while. The best part of all is stretching. I may have said that already but damn it is hot. There was one time he did my legs where he would wide them while standing between my legs. I might have made a facial expression because I was enjoying it and I was a little bit turned on. I'm not sure but he might have seen me and while standing right there he asked me with a smile on his face: "You are enjoying this, aren't you?" I was a little bit uncomfortable so I just smiled at him.
That was just the first month.
Today is the second day of the second month. On the first day, I wasn't doing much of the exercises because my shoulder was hurting. I was doing an exercise for my neck and as my arm was bent in elbow next to my head, that's when my shoulder hurt. By having any pain, I am supposed to report. When I told Will, he was asking me questions, he was looking where it hurts so he could find the troubled spot. He found it but couldn't get it why it is hurting me or what is it. He asked me to come to the therapeutic room where he does all the examination and therapies. I lay down on the table and by his instructions, I was moving closer to him. He was doing some tests so he can treat it properly. He didn't want to be in a total professional mode so he was making jokes about me how I am impossible when it comes to pain and how he's going to kill me. I was laughing too. After examination, he gave me a treatment with some kind of a device. While he was doing the treatment there was total silence. After the treatment, he told me that I need to rest that shoulder. We went back to the hall and he told me to stretch my spine by using a big roller that looks like a punching bag but it's much smaller. I lay on it on my side which was relaxing. While I was resting in that position he told me to rest for ten minutes.
It was interesting. First thing when I got in I told him a joke but he couldn't recognize that it was a joke. When I was on a treadmill he came to me with his phone in his hand asking me if I knew what is the problem that popped out on his screen. I wasn't wearing glasses so I couldn't see it from his hand so I asked him if I can take it and have a closer look. He didn't mind it. I read it and so I explained to him that it is regular cleaning of a phone's cache, passwords, data, and other stuff. I told him that he needs to clean it once in a while or the phone will freeze or run slower. He thanked me and walked away. Later on, when I was doing an exercise for my back using my legs he called me a baby because of the way I was doing it. I was so not offended. I was laughing at that small insult. When I was done for the day he stretched my legs. He was pushing my leg towards my chest but not too hard. In my mind, I was thinking 'Please do, lay on me.' Then he changed the position where he put one hand on my knee and the other on my pelvis pushing it down. That tickles me every time but when I told him that he got used to my reactions to this, it was also hot even though it's what he does.
At one point, he was standing next to me and he said how he has something for me. Instead of foreign music, he played some songs of a Serbian composer Vlado Georgiev which we both like to listen to. He was goofing around while singing. I was singing with him while working and laughing at him, I had to he's too cute. Watching him like this I couldn't be happier. It was almost a moment where I could say 'I love you' but I'm not sure if that means that I love him. I don't even know what love is, how does it feel. I did 'love' once but it wasn't anything like this. Now thinking about that I don't think it was love at all.
I came back from a long walk. I was thinking about Will. I was questioning myself why I care about him, why do I 'love him'. I understand now. But my feelings about him are the only thing I don't like. Whenever I'm supposed to leave the house I get nervous. I get nervous a lot. My heart starts racing like crazy. Sometimes I feel pain. I don't know if that I am feeling is because I love him even though I know that I don't. I am stressing over nothing.
Every morning when I wake up he is the first thing and only thing that is on my mind. Around 10.30 am I was online when I got his voice message. I was freaking out. I was happy, I still am. I have listened to it at least ten times. His voice is so firm and sexy. I don't know what to do. Now I may think he has a girlfriend. I don't know why I just do. Why would I care about that, it's not that I like him, I mean I do but it's not a big deal.
I feel everything. I feel that maybe we won't end up together but I'm not thinking about dating. I know, I went too far too fast. I went from lust to 'I want to end up with him', I maybe am falling for him. I do want him but just for khm... something else not as a boyfriend. I feel happy because I knew that he was thinking about me. I feel good in his presence, I feel good and satisfied because I met someone with who I connected. I also feel anxious and of course horny. I had a lot of scenarios in my head, sex scenes. Every time I take a shower at the gym I fantasize about him joining me in the shower. Hugging me from behind, kissing my neck, touching me. Then he would slowly turn me towards him and kiss me on the lips, I always fantasize the same.