Chan:
It was just another day of me producing and writing. I forgot to sleep again last night. I've properly messed up my sleep schedule, I might as well be a vampire.
Right now I was composing a song for our new album. Last time we did a teaser concert and the fans reacted so well to our new songs, but now I'm trying to fill the empty spaces with songs...
And I just can't write anything that will suit our new concept.. love...
Changbin and Jisung have wanted to do this school boy romance concept for so long and I've been pushing back for ages but they finally made me cave into their request.
But now I've got writers block.. because all I can do is write about heart break... not falling in love.
I found myself rejecting any feeling of love a while ago...
"Hey chan! Look I finally finished my song~ how's yours coming along?"
Jisung instantly bursted into my studio and I jumped at the sudden arrival of the younger.
I turn to meet his smiley face as he looked over the lyrics, which I'm guessing are all about Minho.
"Let me have a look..." I grab the sheet of paper and Jisung stands beside me obviously proud of the words he has written.
I read the heartfelt words and I feel my heart prang as I feel some sort of... jealousy? The lyrics described their endless love and how long they have lasted. He even slightly mentioned how they met in the Club...
"Isn't it good? I put my whole heart into it... I want to surprise Minho with it at our release party."
Jisung got excited as he took back the paper. I smiled at Jisung as he just seems so happy and in love. This kid really loves his boyfriend...
Lucky...
"Have you got any ideas chan? If not I could help..."
Jisung patted my back as he noticed the pile of crumpled paper in the trash and the blank page in front of me.
"No it's fine... I need to do this alone."
Jisung just hums before he leaves me alone to think again.
I thought maybe I would be able to remove the feeling of falling in love again, but this has proven that being heartbroken truly does change everything...
But I still love him...
And it hurts so much...
Never mind I should get upset about it anymore... Felix is probably thriving and living his life not afraid of who he is or who he loves.
I look through my files to see if I can find any old demos that seem like they could fit in the concept...
I tried but all of them hard core raps or raps about loving yourself and humanity. Well that was until I stumbled aross...
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Felix's song <3
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The file stood out from all the rest as it held the song that I made only for Felix and my most precious pictures of him...
As I looked at the file I roamed the arrow over it. I want sure if I should open it... how am I going to react?
I managed to get he courage to click on it and there was everything. From the song to cute and silly pictures of Felix...
I felt my heart beat quickly as I looked at all the pictures of Felix smiling... that smile... that fucking smile..
I wish I savoured it more when I had you Felix... I'm sorry I let you down. He was too good for me. I used his patience and trust for granted... I wish I could just turn back the clock and stand up for us..
But I was selfish and I didn't think of you...
"Hey chan. You alright mate?"
I break out of my thoughts and quickly turn off my monitor which displayed the picture of Felix as I turn to see my new manager
Seonghwa...
"Hey man. Yeah I'm fine, I'm just writing my new song."
I point at the empty paper and he chuckled.
"Oh come on chan you're a lyrical genius. You'll be okay, well anyway I'm gonna be gone for a while I'm meeting someone for lunch, so if you need anything before tonight just give me a call."
Seonghwa says as he pats my back and smiles.
"Ooo is it a date? Good luck man"
I cheer as Seonghwa just playfully punches my arm and tells me to shut it.
He waves a quick bye and heads out.. gosh I'm jealous. I wish I could go on a date, I miss having someone to talk to and laugh with and hold hands with...
Who am I kidding I've tired but no one is Felix...
Fuck! Gosh it's been a little over a year chan get a fucking grip!!
I turn my monitor back on and I look at the file with the song... I think it's my best bet just using this song.. it's not like he'll care anyway.
We aren't together anymore, so why don't I let other people hear this great song?
Maybe he'll hear it and think of me... where ever he is.
Felix:
I was sat in the cute coffee shop that Seonghwa told me to meet him and I sipped on my iced Americano. I guess I was a bit early but I didn't want to seem rude and turn up late...
"Hey Felix." I jumped as I was suddenly face to face with my date. "You look cute when you're shocked"
I instantly turned red as Seonghwa complemented me. I just hit his chest playfully and he chuckled at me before sitting across from me.
"Don't scare me like that~ I'm embarrassed now.."
I hold my cheeks to cool them down as Seonghwa keeps laughing at me. He even leaned forward picked my cheeks cooing 'cute' at me.
"S-stop it.."
"Alright~ I'll stop. But I can't help it~ anyway how are you Felix?"
He leaned forward resting his hand on his palm and I found myself getting nervous as he watched me.
"I'm good. It's a little bit cold today, but I'm fine. What about you?"
"Better now I'm with you.. I just got away from work. It's not that bad as the boys are preparing songs for their new album so they don't need me around"
"It must be so exciting, you know listening to all the songs and watching it all come together."
I get so excited when I talk about music. I do miss it, but it was better for my mental health if I just distanced myself from that lifestyle.
"Yeah. It's so cool and all the guys are working so hard. I mean their new concept is different from their other, but that's what I think makes them stand out from the other groups. They do the unexpected and their fans love it."
I listen to Seonghwa and I can't help but smile at how excited he gets when he talks about his friends music.
We talked and talked and talked for ages and we both lost track of time until the owner of the coffee shop had to tell us it was closing time. I look at my watch and then outside.
The sun was setting as the time was 6:30. I didn't realise we were talking for so long..
"Shouldn't you be getting to that show Seonghwa?"
Seonghwa just waved his hand in the air before he pulled my waist close to him and we began walking down the street.
"It's not until 8:00 so I have some time. It's getting dark so I should do the gentlemanly thing and escort you home."
I blush as Seonghwa pulled me into his hold making sure i was warm.
On our way to my apartment Seonghwa and I kept talking and talking like we new each other for such a long time. It was nice to finally have a connection with someone.
It was relieving I could also talk to someone with out feeling like I should shut up or kept quiet.
I was free.
"And I had to go through all this martial arts training so I could become a manager and I remember kicking my friend Mingi in the nuts and he has to go to hospital. Let's say we aren't friends anymore.."
Seonghwa laughs as I do too as he talks about his past. I tried not to talk about my past as I've changed a lot since then. I mean back then I was a push over and I looked quite different I was chubbier and I had blonde hair. Now I'm slimmer and I have pink hair.
I changed so people would stop recognising me and I guess it worked because ever since I changed no one recognises me.
Minho and Hyunjin didn't at first. It was funny seeing their reactions when I came back from my year away.
"I wish I had an interesting past, but I'm pretty boring. I was a music major in university, but something happened and I just lost my passion for it.. so I was a bit lost for a while until I looked into becoming a florist... it really interested me how all flowers had secret meanings. Like a code. I just fell in love with it."
"Why did you lose your passion for music?"
Seonghwa asked and if I'm honestly I didn't really want to answer the question truthfully.
"I just got on the bad side of it... I saw the realty and how it can hurt people and I just lost my passion..."
I sighed as I noticed we were at my apartment. I looked up at the tall building and then back at Seonghwa who was looking at me with a soft smile.
"Well maybe I'll change your mind about music."
"Maybe... well I should go in. I don't want to keep you any longer that you're late for your friends show."
Seonghwa nodded and I smiled back before turning to leave, but just before I left I felt a hand pull my wrist back and I fell back into Seonghwa's hold. Well more like onto his lips.
Seonghwa pulled me gently into a kiss and I felt myself melt into his arms. This kiss was soft and sweet, just like you would think a first kiss in one of those romcoms would feel.
I felt Seonghwa slowly pull away as his hands fell onto my hips.
"I'll see you later Felix."
He smiled a down at me as I blushed bright red after that sweet kiss.
"See you later.."
I slipped out of his hold and waved goodbye as he began to walk away. I stood at the apartment door until he was out of sight and once we was I fell back onto the door.
Maybe I could like someone again... it won't hurt..right?
I sighed contently as I walk up to my apartment and that night I had a good nights rest for the first time it what feels like forever.
It's been so long since I've felt this feeling...
But it's different.. but it's a good different.