Rosemary
AP: Rosemary, he was asking about you. Had the nerve to ask why you still had him blocked.
RI: Of course he did. Why wouldn't he? Dammit. He's such a fucking ass hole.
Knowing that Aadarsh still had her in his thoughts was not exactly knowledge that she was begging to have. He had told her she was physically unattractive, implied she was stupid, and insulted and harassed her too much for her to want to hear that.
And when he took the method of insulting Juliet, then insulting Rosemary to Juliet, Rosey swore she would get his ass suspended or expelled if he took one more step in that direction. She gave her long speech for Juliet to deliver to him, and he of course, acted totally clueless.
But what Rosemary didn't want to admit was the fact that she was scared. Yes, scared of a half sized douche bag twat with a big mouth. Why? Because no one knew how to destroy her emotionally the way that he did, and he knew it. He. Fucking. Knew. That was why he chose Juliet to talk to. He knew that she was Rosemary's weak point. And no matter what oaths or threats Rosemary made, she was deathly afraid that when he got into high school with her, he would just start up the same shit he had before. She wasn't emotionally stable enough for that.
SL: Just ignore him, Rose. Trust me, it'll be better if you do.
RI: I can't do that, Seth. It affects me too much. All I can hear are his words and they reflect my own opinion of myself. I hate that.
SL: Then maybe you need to start seeing yourself the way that I do. As a beautiful and strong person, who is going to live on to be known as the person he always said you couldn't be.
Seth knew what to say, but stress always made her sick, and by that Friday, she needed to stay home.
****
Who knew that if you started early enough you could finish all of Ouran High School Host Club... All the while, Rosemary just laid on the couch. She didn't even look at her phone. She didn't care if people were worried. She'd laid a few marks on her arms that she wasn't proud of and she wasn't ready to talk.
Am I really an ugly, worthless bitch? she couldn't help but ask herself. That was what he'd called her. The joke, of course, was on him, though, because that was already what she saw every time she looked in the mirror. Then of course, there was Seth, always being uplifting. He saw something different in her and she couldn't see it herself.
She started her binge watching at about six forty five that morning, hearing the theme song, and wondering how something with a theme so catchy but kind of ridiculous (kiss, kiss, fall in love!) could be so popular, then was Haruhi actually a girl or a guy, oh, definitely a girl...
Who was that Kyoya kid, don't like him very much... Never mind, I love him, I love all of them, the show is my baby, oh.
Season one was over. Season one was the only season that existed.
"Rosemary?" Her mom was coming home, but it was almost midnight.
"Hi, Mom," she smiled.
"Rosemary, you haven't even moved since I came home from work. Are you alright?"
"I'm . . . I'm fine, yeah. Just haven't felt well. I watched this show, though, and it made me feel less crappy emotionally," she assured her mother.
"Have you eaten?"
"No, Mom, because I don't fancy the art of setting my stomach ablaze when there are already some hot coals stirring."
"I worry about you," her mother told her. "You give me a lot to worry about."
"I've had stomach issues since forever, Mom. It's just per the use, now." Looking at the clock, she sighed. "I should probably sleep."
****
She had nothing to publish on her books, but she figured she might as well read a few of the things on her list. She was taking a break, she needed a break, so she used the laptop instead of her phone.
Then, she did something rash.
"Do you think if our life is a book in another universe, people would ship us?"
That was the question that started it all, the hypothetical fandom in the hypothetical universe that would hypothetically ship them.
"What do you think would happen if we gave JewlRose to the internet?"
"We'd probably gain a bunch of strangers shipping us?" Juliet guessed.
A while back, Rosemary had started writing about how she fell in love with Juliet. It had been a hard day, and she needed some clarity. It was a Wattpad account that no one had found out about, and it was her own little private project. She read the first couple of chapters, and that was when she made the decision.
She pressed, "Publish".
It didn't take long for a read to pop up, which impressed her. The read was accompanied by a vote and a follow. Then, a message popped up.
"Private message from: demi-all-around."
Hmm . . . I wonder who this person is. She clicked into the message.
"Hi! This is weird, and I don't usually talk to people on the internet . . . yet, here we are."
"Um, hello? Who are you?"
"My name is Amilia. Wow, I didn't think you'd respond. Um, I read the first few chapters of your book!"
"My name is Rosemary. And, thanks. It's really just like a three part prologue, honestly."
"Well, maybe, but it makes me want to read more! That's what prologues should do, though, don't you think?"
"Totally. You could've just commented that, though, so why are you here?"
"I recognized the pattern. Three chapters uploaded within seconds of each other, and they're the first three? You've had that sitting around for a while, haven't you?"
"Only a month or so."
"What kept you from uploading it sooner? It's really good, you've got to at least recognize that."
"I think it's actually some of my best work. But, it's based on me and this girl I know."
"Is this girl your girlfriend?"
"No, not at all."
"Do you wish she was?"
"Sometimes. I ruined that, though."
"How so?"
"Wait for the rest of the book, and you'll see. Anyways, this doesn't answer why you're talking to me."
"Oh, right. Well, I recently went through something weird and terrible, and I needed to talk to someone who seemed to be going through something similar, but who I didn't know. I can't talk to the people I know."
"Wow, I feel that on a spiritual level. It's like, I don't want to keep the depression in, but if I let it out, everyone will just worry, so why bother?"
"EXACTLY, that is exactly why I can't! So, I was right? Wow, that's weird."
"I think depressed people kind of have a nose for each other. This is totally insane to go along with, but I feel like I can trust you. What's your story, Amilia?"
"About a week ago, one of my close friends was murdered. I feel sort of responsible for some of the open ended parts of his life, though."
"How do you mean?"
"His ex girlfriend is my best friend, and I'm the reason she is his EX girlfriend. See, I kissed her. Not in a gay way, I don't mean. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay! Gay is great, I'm decently gay! Well, gender doesn't matter to me. I'm demiromantic, so the few times I like someone, gender is practically the last relevant factor, you know? No, this isn't the point, sorry!"
"That's okay. What is the point?"
"She told him, and he wasn't sure what to make of it, and he realized that getting through that kind of thing was the mark of a serious relationship, and he wasn't ready. It wasn't like she cheated on him. May's too good for that. Really. I didn't even mean it romantically."
"I get that (I think). So, you think that maybe if they hadn't broken up, there wouldn't be so many what ifs?"
"Yes, exactly. But now he's dead, and coping is hard. I haven't talked to my friend group since it happened."
"Really? How do you manage that?"
"It's kind of easy. They know that I need space. Anyways, one of them has her boyfriend looking out for me."
"That's very sweet."
"Yeah, I guess. Um, anyways, what's your story, Rosemary?"
"There's this guy who's been bullying me since May. Cyber bullying, mostly. You know how it goes. Well, I decided that I had had enough of his shit, so I blocked him on every form of social media to get him out of my life. I'd almost forgotten the friend who had bullied me in person. I don't know if that's better or worse, to be honest. I ran into him, and it was absolute hell. Then, on Tuesday, the first mentioned guy starts messaging the girl I sometimes wish was my girlfriend (her name is Juliet). Since he couldn't get to me directly, he started saying shit to her. Then shit about me to her. It's stupid, but it broke me. I... broke my clean streak."
"I did too. That happens, but we can still get it back. These two guys sound awful, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Wow, I guess that's more serious than trying to blame myself for a murder I didn't commit."
"You say that, but I think my problems sound petty compared to someone who just lost a close friend. I think I heard about that murder on the news, though. Juliet got a notification on her phone about a murder, and we watched the news... It was in a neighboring town. Hey, that's kind of funny, actually. We must be practically neighbors!"
"And here we are, stumbling upon each other for unrelated reasons. That is fate if I ever heard of it."
"Would it be totally crazy to give you my number?"
"Not at all."
Just like that, Rose had made a friend. Something about this felt important, predestined. Amilia was right, there was something special about that being the way two people who might have run into each other a thousand times without knowing it to meet.
****
There were seven missed calls, twenty three unread texts, and five unread kik conversations. She selected to answer one.
SL: Are you alive?
RI: Yes.
SL: Good. Get better, Rose.
Saturday morning, and Seth was now the only person who had confirmation she was okay. He knew she wouldn't die without a note, and she didn't want to. She really didn't feel like dying. The only thing she wanted was to be alone, but of course, people were worried.
Rosemary sent Juliet a pin on Pinterest so that she would know she was okay. God only knew how freaked out she probably was, and the message that she got in return confirmed it.
Nerdy: Thirty six and a half hours, Rosemary, that's how fucking long it's been since anyone has fucking heard from you.
Rosemary: Look, I'm sorry, I'm fine, darling, I just needed to be alone.
Nerdy: Then you should have told me, I could have told everyone to back the fuck off, why did you go and do that?
Rosemary: I just wanted to be alone, you didn't have to worry. What did you even think, Jules? Huh?
Nerdy: I don't know.
Rosemary: Did you think I fucking died?
Nerdy: I don't know.
Rosemary: I can't take a day off without everyone losing their heads, fucking b.s., I've got to go. You should've asked Seth. He knows I'm fine, and he didn't need my god damn confirmation via text.
She shut her phone off again and threw it in annoyance. Everyone worried too much. She was fine. Aadarsh was just getting to her again. Nothing they hadn't seen before.
****
Maybe she didn't need a break from people, just the people that she knew. After electing to continue ignoring everyone, Rosemary decided to call Amilia.
"Hey!" came a peppy reply. Her voice was soft, kind.
"Hi. This is so insane, I can't believe I'm calling a stranger," she laughed. It wasn't really her thing. She never even called Jessica, not even exchanged numbers.
"We're hardly strangers," Amilia countered. "Like I said, this was fate."
"Why is this fate?" Rosemary asked.
"I think that we are going to need each other at some point, or maybe even multiple points. It could be good that we stumbled upon one another," Amilia reasoned.
"Oh? Well, I can't wait to see where this goes."
"What's your favorite band, by chance?" Amilia asked.
"Mayday Parade, always. You?"
"Same! YouTube kept suggesting 'Miserable at Best,' and I just finally caved."
Rosemary's jaw dropped a little. "You're fucking me, right? That's how I discovered them, too. YouTube really knows how to get someone to listen to a band, ha. I love their music, though. I found it when I was in a really dark place, and I think it saved my life?" She couldn't believe that she was admitting this to some girl she hardly knew, but what could she say. It was basically fate.
"I think their music saved me, though that dark place wasn't quite like this one. The only trouble was my stepfather back then. Now, it's a bit more intense, real world troubles."
"Domestic abuse is a real world trouble," Rosemary argued. Her mind got lost in a flashback to shortly before they moved to Novi.
Something was shattering against the wall. Pounding, shouting, crying . . . It was too much.
"Please stop fighting." A simple text, simple request made by a hurting daughter.
Then, there was pounding footsteps up the stairs to her room. He stood there, red in the face. He was so angry. He was always so angry.
"What the hell was with that text?" he demanded. "We're not fighting!"
"That isn't what it sounds like from up here," Rose tried to explain. "Whatever."
"Leave her be," her mom whispered. Rosemary looked at her, and she had been crying. It didn't take a genius to realize that he had hit her.
Rosemary was young, she didn't totally get it. He told her that he loved them, so she assumed that it was true. That's the cycle of abuse. They went back to it at the end of the day, because he said he loved them, and they both believed him.
Thank God for the day that Rosemary and her mom finally got away.
"Have some experience?" Amilia asked.
"Step father, four years. My mom left him two and a half years ago, though," she explained.
"Step father, seven years. My mom hasn't left him yet, and I can't wait much longer here. Once I got older, that was it. He started hitting me too. It was like a fucking right of passage, I was old enough to take it or something. That was when I decided that I hated him."
"That was his mistake," Rosemary promised. "Your mom loves you more than him. If he's hitting you, it's just a matter of time before you're out of there."
"You seem so sure," Amilia laughed. "How?"
"Moms are predictable that way," she said. That was the one thing her mom had always told her. If he'd started hitting her, they would've been out so much sooner. They were caught in a cycle perhaps, but Rosemary was still more important to her.
"This is a subject change, but do you watch Sherlock . . . ?"
****
"I'll kill him if he ever says another word to you," David swore as Rosemary told him what had happened.
"Thanks... I'm just pissed everyone thought I freaking died, like, hello? Even if I did, good to know that it would leave a bunch of headless chickens looking for guidance in my wake. So damn dependent." Caleb and Juliet were approaching her, so she waved goodbye to David. "Hello."
"Hello? That's all you're going to say?" Caleb demanded.
"Oh, you too? What. Did. You. Think. Happened?" Rosemary asked through gritted teeth. Neither of them would answer. "Let me guess? Rosey abandons all and ends it, tells no one about it, not even her boyfriend? You should've asked him. He would've known."
"Well it's a little hard to believe anything but the worse. No response, no posting on social media, nothing Rosemary, so yes, for all we knew, you were gone!" Juliet clutched her fists in anger.
"You think I would do that to you?" Rosemary shouted. "You think I would just up and leave?"
"You would have before!"
"Things are different now!" Both of them stood silently as Rosemary shook with rage. "I have to get to bio." She grabbed her backpack and headed to class.
Seth was in that class, and he hugged her when she came in. "Hope no one was too worried about you," he noted.
"Yes, well, your hopes have been crushed. No one trusts me, apparently, except for you and Alexis." Rosemary sighed and slid into her seat. "Granted, Sidney and Andrea never even thought to think something could be wrong. That's friendship right there. They know I don't text back twenty four/seven and are okay with it."
"I know that you wouldn't just up and out with no given notice," he pointed out, taking her hand. "I know that you don't have a reason to, either."
"Yeah."
They made it through biology and walked side by side to second hour, him holding her hand. He lifted hers up and looked at her arm.
"Rose." He looked at her sternly. "Don't let him get to you. He's a liar, and he's a jerk."
"Well, easier said than done," she replied, taking her arm back.
"Rose, promise me."
"No."
"Rosemary."
She looked at him, tears pricking her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "I promise. That's it. For you."
****
"Amilia, I figured it out," Rosemary declared, calling her new friend after school.
"Have you now? Also, figured what out?" Amilia asked. "How Moriarty lived, or?"
"Well, yes, that too. I think he was ambidextrous," she explained.
"Oh, that makes sense."
"I know, right? Anyhow, that's not it. I meant that I figured out why fate brought us to each other," she said excitedly.
"Now I'm interested."
"We should hold each other accountable. That way, we don't break our streaks."