What We Do In The Shadows: "Jen..."
Summary: There are unexpected consequences when Laszlo seeks a new human familiar...
Part LXV...
Guillermo to cell phone video...
"Hey guys, as promised here's my account from Mexico. It's about one-thirty in the afternoon. We're at my aunt's place...My guest bedroom, actually, as we've promised to stay tonight. Miss Susan is of course in another room down the hall. Oh, and the documentary subteam is here..." turns phone to display three person crew of two men and a woman in working crew clothes with video equipment.
"She will be...Soon. Then touring the ranch here while Gui speaks to his aunt in a bit." Susan calls to phone, waving. "Rats..." grin. "But, hey guys."
"I just wanted to have proof she's ok. She'll do her own thing later to prove she's not with me tonight."
"But last night, at the hotel...Oooh la, la..." she gaily calls. "Just kidding, sorry honey."
"Right."
"It's embarrassing him that I call him honey." Sigh from distance. "Ok, boss." Wan smile. "I'll stick to the formalities."
"I don't mean to be mean, Susan."
"Hah! Progress...Susan...I'll get you to Sue before you know it." She beams.
Probably will...He thinks, a bit...
No, now come on...
"I just don't want people to get the wrong idea..." he sighs. "Please, Sue?"
"For that, I'll leave off and give you a moment in peace." She notes, warm and loving smile. "Tell everyone I love them, especially the Master."
"Yeah...Forget my text about forwarding this to Ginny to send to her family." Guillermo sighs.
"Sorry. I'll do one for my guys." Susan calls. "I know you don't want me to mention you. 'Help! This sweet vampire's minion's refusing to take advantage of me!'."
He eyes her.
"Ok. I'll be good." She smiles. "I'm just away on business, ok?"
"Thanks."
" 'And this hot guy I'm really into won't gimme the time of day. Ye...ah, like I know that's impossible but he's not gay.'" She grins.
"Susan, you're killing me. Please..." Guillermo, pleading look. "I know I deserve to be punished but..." tears welling.
"I'm sorry. Gui...Honestly, I'll stop. I was only kidding." Sigh. "I just thought if I showed you I wasn't just 'Yes Mastering' you...That I could joke about it. I won't push it anymore, I swear. Please don't tear yourself up about it, I swear I would know it's not your fault."
But it is my fault...He eyes her.
I could have saved her. Staked Nandor or died trying. Warned them. Made her run away
And everything she says to forgive me and worse, that she cares for me, is just that much more proof.
"I'll go and let you finish...Prove I'm not staying with you." She has paused by the door of the room.
"I'm sorry you feel so bad, I don't believe I'd be happy about it. And it hurts me too, that you can't believe me." She brightens. "But you do have to look after me, you know. While I'm like this." Shrug. "That can be your atonement, Gui."
"I think it'll have to be worse than that...But it's ok, thanks."
She nods. "I'm grateful, Gui...That you're a good man. I'm still capable of being grateful for that. Try to believe that whatever's been changed in me, I would still be grateful for that."
"Thanks." He looked down.
"I hope I have the sense to come after you if I'm ever released." She sighs. "And I'm sorry...But I hope you'll have the guilt to take care of me for the rest of my life if I never am. So there. We're even." Wan smile. "Give my best to Auntie Rosa. Hope she'll be up for supper."
...
Phyllis, on phone, at her rental car outside the ranch...
"Well, honey...Like I said, just keep telling Ginny you're sick and I'm taking care of you. I'll explain later...Yeah, a big deal and I don't want to get Ginny involved till I'm sure. Ok. Ok...Right. Just take the hamburger out of the freezer and let it thaw in cold water, Greg. You can do that. Fine, that's fine but no more than fifty. Greg." Frowning at his fussy plea... "I swear I will freeze the transaction and disconnect the app if you take more than fifty. That's plenty for gas and food for two days. I'll probably be home before then. And Greg, try to pick up your laun...Greg?" sigh.
...
Susan, to camera...
"Well, back in my room as promised...And heading out with Guillermo's cousin to see this place in fifteen. I'll admit I'm a little worried, even miffed at not being with Gui as he meets again with his aunt... I would really like to know what's up there, this is more than deathbed family confidences, I think. But at least Dr. Acura and Mrs. Afanas will be going with me so I can keep an eye out as to what they're up to. I'm still not sure what either's game is here but I do know something's up regards the whole situation back home with Van Helsing and our Overlords. We understand from Ginny the Overlords and Lady have entered into negotiations with Simon Devious, their old frienemy vamp but that he seems to have a connection with Van Helsing, some sort of deal via a relative of Van Helsing's who works, they say voluntarily, whoa, for Devious. Wheels within wheels, huh? God...Oooh...I hope they all know what they're doing, this all sounds very dangerous." Sigh. "I want to help Gui here, but between his guilt over me and the others and his obvious need to keep some of this secret from me, probably on the Master's or one of our other Overlords/Lady's orders, I don't know how just yet except to keep a close eye on my companions this afternoon, then try to get what I can out of Gui tonight."
Shy smile... "He is the sweetest thing, so anxious to do right by me. I haven't known a guy like that since high school. Wish by the way I knew what Phyl was about here...Though I suspect it's as much to insert herself between Gui and me as any help to him she'd been ordered to provide. In fact, knowing dear old Phyl, she actually could be here on her own lonesome, chasing after my Gui. Well, that ain't gonna happen. Hopefully she's obeying orders and doing research back in the city. It's fine to have a little more support but she needs to learn that Gui and I...Well, I guess he hasn't agreed yet, really...But I'm not a sharing type." Firm stare. "She'll have to learn to accept that...Or...I'll have to settle things, sooner or later." Shrug. "After all, if I am enthralled for life I should have the right to make my condition as happy for me as possible, right?" smile. "I'm frankly playing that argument with Gui. That he owes me protection. It's a little unfair perhaps but hey, alls fair in love and war." Beam. "And maybe he does, from some unthralled pov...What do you guys think? Yeah..." nod. "If I'm a victim...But I really don't want to go that way, I don't feel that way...Just, for the sake of argument on some moral, ethical scale...If I'm the victim here, and looking to him as my only hope...OH, God...Guillermo, save me! Save me!" sudden scream, followed by immediate calm return... "...he really ought to, being such a good guy..." fond smile... "Protect me from further..." she eyes the crew. "What?"
....
Club Vious...
Simon's VVVP lounge...
Most of the former staff, vamp and human now sent off
"Ok, come on..." waves off a woman applying makeup... "Are we ready? Lloyd?! Move that light to the side, it's catching my bad side. And I don't mean bad as in Bad...Good, that's better. Lesley? Dear...? Roll 'em, is that still the word? Wait, wait...Let me get settled here. Thermistocles, settle down." Leans back in his swivel chair, cat in lap. "Ow!" as cat snarls at him. "Damn you, Thermistocles!" The cat runs off to settle by Lloyd who pats it gently. "Fine, no Immortality on screen for you. Well...Let me catch my breath for artistic purposes. Yes. OMMMMMNNN." intonation, waving of arms. Yes, yes...Calming thoughts, Simon. Very good, entering the zone. Now...Remember to close in on me slowly. Good, ok, roll them!"
Lesley, in middle of room, sighing but dutiful...It was my idea after all to suggest we just do our own video doc with club equipment, to match his foes...Pressing button on video camera on tripod.
"There we go...Ah...Why, hello, World." beaming smile. "I am Simon Devious by humanishly legal name, Simon the Devious by my true title. Lord of Manhattan and the Tri-State Area." camera closes in. "And this is my world, well part of it...The famed Club Vious." leans back. "Welcome to a story...One perhaps not unlike the shared experience of vampires Immortal or humans Mortal, only far richer...The story of my existence. My existence, just as it reached its climax with the coming destruction of my worst foes...Uh...Card?! Samarta?!" he cries to female vampire of teen appearance in early Goth outfit. But Goth as in Germanic 5th century Goth, which surprisingly passed well enough for a form of Goth these days. Samarta hastily grabbing additional cue cards from pile.
"Cut!" Simon fumes, making slicing motion across neck. "Girl. One job. One job I give you...To hold up my cards." shaking head. "I try to support our older population. I try to give them a chance despite their total lack of willingness to adapt to the modern world..." Waves hands as if to get air... "All right, calm...Any endeavor worth doing requires effort. Take those cards and put them up for me as I make the gesture." moves hand. "You can do that, right? Senility hasn't quite kicked in yet, Samarta?! No? Good, very good. All right, from the 'coming destruction of my worst foes', ok? Can you handle that? Good. Roll 'em."
"...the coming destruction of my worst foes. It all started in Prague, in 1375...Well, just outside Prague. I was with a hunting party, hunting indeed...My cousin, Maurice, in fact...Heir to all that should have been mine. When Fate intervened, in the form of the little bastard shooting me first in the hip and leaving me for dead in the middle of the forest, having bribed all my servants and counterbribed his own. I hate it when serving people refuse to stay bought. A bribe, after all, is like a contract...But, no matter...I killed them all later. Except one, the fellow who told Maurice in the first place after refusing my initial efforts and puzzling out the whole plot from among the others. A sterling character that one, what was his name? I left him to be blamed for the whole thing. They did the whole hanging, drawing, quartering...It was really an honor to him that they went the whole length. Yes, fine man. Wish I could have got him to my own service before the plot, he probably would have warned me Maurice was clever enough to be keeping spies on me as well. Anyway...There I was in the forest, in agony, truly...Meat for any beast to come wandering my way as night started to fall. When along came this sweet young thing, dressed as a milkmaid. Who took me to her cottage and drained all she could still suck out of me, then turned me. She fancied having a gentleman as companion..." fond smile. "I killed her, naturally...Uppity bitch. Though those were different times. Nowadays, I embrace the common herd...From a distance." Samarta waving frantically to indicate need for a cut to grab more cards.
"Yes, fine...Cut." he frowns
"Simon, just long how do you want to carry on this afternoon?" Lesley sighs. "If we're to do all your life's and Unlife's story right now..."
"Fine...We'll fill in the rest later."
"Boss, we only have cards up to 1415 so far..." Samarta notes, holding cards.
"No, the modern stuff I can adlib...Let me get in the zone...Quiet!" he tenses, then relaxes. "Lesley? Ready?"
"Sure..." sigh.
"Roll em... Yes, now, here in 2020...Oooh, so futuristic, isn't it? But we're still not able to book passenger flights to Mars, seems Humanity is slowing down in its advancements. Well, next century perhaps...So, I, the Great Devious, Lord of all the Tri-State area...Entrepreneur in the human world, Prince of Darkness in the Under...Well, a prince..." to several nervous looks.
Not really sure if there's a Prince of Darkness for sure, but there is a First Evil, like the Buffy show says...And she tends to get pissed at stealing her title.
"...Move to confront the common foe of all Vampiralkind, Dr. Abraham Van Helsing...Champion Vampire Hunter, sadly deceased...Sadly as in, very difficult to eliminate. And his minions, living humans, fortunately not so difficult...Except of course that I am solemnly pledged...I'm recording this, love! Can you doubt my sincerity?!...Not to do them extreme harm. Yet I will deprive these fiends of their goal...A goal far worse than any mere mass stalking of our unfortunate, persecuted kind. For they seek not merely to end our time on Earth, but to deprive us of our very link to Earthly existence, the sacred connection that allows Demonity the justice of a return to the only Paradise we can know, Earth itself, that connection of demon and soul. For yes, not satisfied with our physical destruction, Dr. Van Helsing seeks, even from his resting place in the afterlife...Damn, can't the man just take a break?...to break the sacred bond and encourage the Redemption of the Soul, the horrible dooming of the Demonic Essence to Hell for all Eternity even if the Essence escapes destruction. What brutal and everlasting cruelty? Compare to those acts which We of the Vampiral perform, attending to the natural needs for food. A mere simple killing, allowing the Immortal in the Mortal to move on to the next level. Or enthrallment, a lifetime, often long extended, of noble service, often rewarded by Immortality, Vampiral. I ask only that you judge for yourselves, impartially...Who is the truer fiend?"
Pause...
"Yes, truly. Well, the fiendish Van Helsing having emasculated a once noble member of our kind, Prince Count Vlad of the Dracule, Dracula to most of you, a weak sort driven by a Romantic nature and easy prey for the evil Doctor who indeed preyed on his great weakness, his love for his wife, long lost in Time. Yes, indeed, the tales Van Helsing and his people have spread are but lies for children. He never bested our once great Champion in the field, though there are rumors they fought to a draw early in their long relationship. And failing to defeat him, he used his great weakness against him, convincing Dracula who needed, to be sure, little such, that his wife's soul fought and pleaded for him but was in suffering condemnation itself now...And that only he, aided by his new 'friends', Van Helsing and co, could save her from Eternal Damnation. A Romantic tale, to be sure...Heck, I'd've preferred it to the rather tiresome tale of Mr. and Mrs. Boring Bourgeois in the book bearing the Impaler's name. But, come on...If the bitch was on Earth, an Immortal Vampiress, what's the problem? Unless, of course...Mrs. Dracula was not all that eager to rejoin the hubby..." smirk.
Oh...Samarta sighs.
I'm sure it wasn't that...
"Yes, instead of bringing a happy couple together, a reuniting that might well warm the coldest or undeadest heart, what did the fiend Van Helsing do? He insisted to the weak-minded Count that his wife's soul must be freed from its demon's hold. A hold the demon had established with the soul's consent in order that the lady might find her lost husband when countless reincarnations had failed." Simon throwing up hands. "Again, I say...What's the problem? She's here, you're here. Well, perhaps her demon was a bit unsavory and dangerously insane and its terrifying actions driving the soul, which had already nearly lost all hope of finding her beloved, to despair and condemnation. But I say...Where's there's Unlife, there's hope. Where there's a pile of dust..." shrug.
"So our noble prince traded his Immortal fame for a mess of redemption potage...And didn't even have the satisfaction of rejoining his wife now. Oh, yes...One day...As the legends go...One day they'll be toget...hearther..." he warbles at end. "When Vlad has completed atoning for his past crimes and the world is safe of the menace he helped to foster in his Evil days." frown...
Oh, please...Long time coming, Vlady.
"And this success...This humilation of our kind...Not being enough for him, the fiend Van Helsing sought to 'free' more souls and permanently drive their essences from Earth back even unto Hell, for all Eternity. All Eternity, people..."
"Oh..." Lloyd shakes head. As do several others.
Eternity being quite a long time...
"And Dracula, groveling traitor that he had become, eagerly served him... His own powers gravely reduced, his soul restored, his Immortality, eh...So-so." wave of hand. "Living as human, in the daylight like any day walker or human..."
Immortal and a daywalker...? Samarta ponders.
Hmmn...
"Helping the minions of Van Helsing, the Vampire Hunter Corps, to destroy our kind, even after Van Helsing himself, drat it, had passed peacefully from this world."
Lloyd, waving buzzing cell phone...
"Oh drat, cut!" Simon glares, taking phone. "Yes? Yes? Oh...Well, send the pate shipment to the Blue Room, there'll be a special party there tonight. Uh-huh. Well, kill some and enthrall the rest, I can't have dancers on strike, even on the West Side. Oh, fine, just kill a couple as an example and let the word seep out...But enthrall the rest...Well I tole you hiring union personnel for the new place was a bad idea, Equity has been out for blood with me for years. But a light touch, David...We want them plausibly refusing to continue the strike and insisting they don't need the union, not looking like they're terrorized into zombiedom. Ok, ok...I know you can sort this out, David. You are my man, kid. Great. I look forward to it." hands phone back to Lloyd.
"What a fool..." sighs. "Lloyd? David is out, have Althea get a human manager, someone who can work with Equity and smooth things over. A woman would be nice, they'd like that. You have her come over before she starts and I'll enthrall her. Never should have entrusted a young fellow like David with such responsibility..." shaking head.
"All right...Let me get in position here...Could I get a vial? Someone young, please? Thanks, love you dear." pats human familiar female on backside as she hands him a vial.
"Oh, is this you? Oooh, very nice..." he notes, drinking.
"Ok....Yes, all set..." he leans back in chair, pasting a calm smile. "Roll 'em..."
"Yes, so the Hunters, still it seems from certain accounts, guided by the spirit...I mean that quite literally, as in, Ghostly spirit...Scrooge's spirits, you know...Of Van Helsing, have spread terror and suffering through the Vampiral world. Killing thousands of our kind, a huge percentage, given we don't reproduce like human rabbits. Sending the souls off to their fates, not always a pleasant one..." he reflects, pensive look. "After all, some individuals are just not inclined toward the Light as some of you humans view it. Personal choice, a matter of individual responsibility and, of course...Liberty."
Lesley eyeing his sudden apprehensive look...
Poor Simon...A dreadful thing to have no exit or plan B...Only Hell looming, despite his charm.
"But there were certain Souls, like our dear Lady Elisabete of the Dracule, only more so...Trapped in linkage to their Essences, not truly Evil...As some of you people consider it...Even quite otherwise...But doomed to be bound forever, even if a Hunter should terminate their Earthly existence. I suppose you could consider that quite unfair, given it usually involved some petty transgressions during both mortal and Im- existence. Such are my own three acquaintances, old 'friends' you might say...Nandor the Relentless...Laszlo the Pudgy, Cravensworth...His wife of sorts, vampirally, Nadja...The...Eeweh...Yet so alluring in their many legends, Gypsy. These three, powerful in their Demonity, are yet cursed by Souls which refuse to give into the Darkness and yet were guilty of various...Transgressions, yes, in their mortal lives and immortal existences that prevent their souls from the usual easy exit."
Frown...
"And here's the real kicker...Instead of rejoicing at the thought of sending them straight to Hell for what many humans would consider adequate crimes...Van Helsing takes delight in playing with his latest prey, tormenting these befouled Souls with the illusion of Redemption. Souls weighed down with crimes both before and after their fusion with Demonity and entry into Immortality are tempted with the idea the slate can magically be wiped clean and Paradise awaits. Pitiful fools lured into giving up their only Immortality..." sigh. "Makes one weep for one's poor friends. Tissue, please?" extends hand.
"To not only plot to murder them, but to torment them into commiting Immortal Suicide at a time he and his fiendish minions will select...One may speak of vampiral crimes against Humanity, friends. But surely no vampire was ever so cruel to his or her prey." dab at eye with said tissue.
"Only one 'friend' of sorts, well...Acquaintance...I really don't hang with these people...Stands up for them, seeks to help save them from this awful fate. I, Simon the Devious...For pity of his people." extends arms in Christ pose.
Oh, Lord...Lesley sighs. Simon...
"Only I, who one might say, given past interactions, including theft of a certain hat that ought to be mine, burning..." glare... "Property damage, insult to my name, mocking unendurable!" rage in voice as he recalls the journey to America, Nadja rolling eyes at his panicking before rats on the ship. "Spurning of certain advances..." Nadja and Laszlo rejecting threesome on said ship... "...should be fully inclined to see them so tormented, Care. Seek to save them, his acquaintances from the grisly Fate Van Helsing intends. Only I...And one other kindly creature, likewise long acquainted...What's with the waving, cut!" frowns at Lesley who has cut already.
"Simon? It's not the wisest thing to give away too much just yet." she noted. "Remember, I'm not sure if the link with my ancestor is fully broken. He might learn your secrets from me."
Hmmn...Ponders. "I suppose you might be right. But it's so...Truly me. But you're right, dear heart. Lets hold on that for now. Let me settle myself again...Ok..." he leans back, smile plastered again. "Roll em..."
"'Only I'"...She hisses at his hesitation...
"Only I, with my noble concern for my own kind, could reach out to save them. And in doing so, reach out to a troubled minion of Van Helsing's, his own descendant. One sent out by him to observe me, as he wisely recognized in me, his true Immortal enemy, Simon the Devious. But she, beautiful and wise creature that she is...(We'll cut a shot of you in here, Les)...Chose her own path. Chose me." beam...
Still wonder about that, Samarta, Lloyd, Volovod, a vampiral guard, all watching. Though she's hardly the first human to want Immortality without the fine print...
"Twas a dark and stormy night..." he begins...
Isn't that the worst opening in literature? Samarta hisses to Lloyd...