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The cold wind cuts its way through my hair and onto my neck, sending chills up my spine. I stare at the cabin that engraved memories into my head that I don't think will ever leave. All my panic, fear. Somebody bumps my shoulder as they walk by, too preoccupied with carrying guns to apologize. Distrust.
But it is also the closest thing I've had to home in a while. The closest people I have to family were introduced to me here. Of course, there were times that we didn't get along, but we always knew deep down that we have each other's backs. And if you ask me, that's all that really matters.
I turn my head, looking out into the trees toward the river's direction, my heart beating harder.
That's where the pain came from. My hand instinctively touches my temple where my wound is. That's the place that changed my life in ways that I can't even process. I look toward the forest. It lies within 5 miles of where I sleep. My bedroom window faces that direction. Like a constant reminder of what Hyunsoo did. To what? Torture my mind? Maybe. Or maybe I can look out the window and be reminded just to get more motivated.
"Do you need help with that?" Somebody's voice startles me from behind, causing me to jump, tugging my bad shoulder. I wince.
I turn my head to see one of the EXO boys. I think his name was Xuimin or something. His eyes widen a bit.
"Oh shoot was that your hurt shoulder? I'm sorry," he quickly says and I shake my head.
"Don't worry about it."
"I was just checking if you wanted help with your bag-"
"I'm good," I avoid eye contact and adjust the strap on my good shoulder.
"Oh. Well you just stopped and I didn't know if you wanted help because I know you're still recovering-"
"I said I'm good," I say sharper, directing my eyes to his. His hand falls to his side and he nods.
"Um... okay," he sounds a bit discouraged but quickly smiles. "Just let me know if you need anything."
I just nod, looking away to let him leave.
"Little harsh?" Yoongi chuckles, walking up to me from my left. I shrug.
"No I think I was being pretty nice actually."
"Damn, I would hate to see you mean," he says sarcastically. "Oh wait..."
I give him a side glance, rolling my eyes with a small chuckle. He smiles.
"I get it. You don't trust him. Any of them," he looks at the group of boys walking into the house with their bags. I follow his gaze.
"I don't know them."
"You didn't know us."
"That's right. And what did I do the first chance I got?" I say, looking back at him. He sighs.
"You ran."
"The only reason I was around long enough to start trusting you was because I was injured. And desperate. I needed help. As time went on, I realized you were all men of your word. You had my back when I needed it. You all put your lives at risk, some almost died. That made me realize you were worth sticking with until this all blows over," he crosses his arms, smiling. Enjoying the compliments. "Under any other circumstances, I would have killed you."
He raises his eyebrows.
"No offence," I say, tilting my head. He laughs.
"Okay, killer," he leans, taking my bag from my shoulder.
"I said I can get it."
"No you can't, you're leaning to the side, it's bothering your bad shoulder."
He's right. It's on the other side, but the weight is still causing my shoulder to throb. I sigh and he takes it.
"Just remember I'm taking it to Jimin's room when you're ready to come inside." He turns to leave but my eyes widen and I quickly catch him.
"Wait what?"
He stops, looking at me. "Jimin's room."
"Why his room? Why aren't I in my room?"
"Have you looked around? We had to give up four rooms for EXO to split. That means we're all bunking together. Since we only had 7 rooms to start, we gave Hoseok's to you since he was barely home. He stayed with me. Anyway, we're left with three rooms, so it's gonna be a bit hard to get used to. Plus Jimin's room is right next to yours, it's not gonna be much different. Actually it's bigger I think, so it's a bonus."
"Eight people splitting three rooms?" I raise my eyebrows. He nods. "How is that even gonna work? I mean I guess Hoseok isn't here, so it's 7. But what about when he comes back?"
"We'll figure it out, he'll probably stay with me again since he left most of his stuff in there."
I raise my eyebrows, looking toward the house.
"It's gonna be that bad?"
"For a bit," he nods, sighing. "It's just something we have to get used to. You're going to have to learn to live with them, even if you don't trust them. Avoid them if anything, just don't cause anything and they won't either."
"Why would I cause anything?"
"Because that's what you did with us," Yoongi laughs. "You didn't trust us and lashed out. Some of us didn't take it well. Look at your relationship with Namjoon, we don't need more of that."
I should be offended with a comment like that, but I know he's right so I bite my tongue.
"Let's get inside," he says, gesturing at the door. "It's cold, you don't have a reason to be standing out here."
I look back toward the trees in the direction of the river, tightening my jaw. Then I look back at Yoongi and nod. "Okay."
********
Inside the house was mayhem. 16 people walking around with bags, rifles or boxes. It was hard to move around, I had to make myself smaller as I walk through, receiving looks from most of the boys as I shuffled by, I just ignore them all, including BTS. I keep my head down as I follow Yoongi upstairs.
We reach Jimin's room and Yoongi nods at me to open the door. "You mind?"
I reach around him and turn the handle, opening the door. He kicks the rest of the door open, Jimin standing in the room with his back to us and changing his shirt. He yelps in surprise, quickly pulling the shirt over his head.
Before the fabric fully covers his back, my eye manages to catch scars and burns on his skin as well as a large tattoo starting from the bottom of his spine, curling out his neck. He told me he had one, I just haven't seen it yet. But that's not what I'm focused on. The scars. It wasn't a little bit either, it covered like 50%. I gulp. I've never seen him without a shirt, not that it's something I wanted to see, but it's just odd seeing somebody with such a bubbly and kind personality to have such scars on his back. Sometimes I forget he's a trained gang member.
"Ever hear of knocking?" Jimin turns around, face pink from embarrassment. Yoongi rolls his eyes.
"Shut up, I've caught you doing worse."
I choke on my own breath, looking at them. Jimin's face reddens and he looks away, causing Yoongi to laugh.
"Anyway..." I say, trying to break the awkward silence. "I didn't know we were bunking, I'm sorry in advance."
"For what?" Jimin tosses his other shirt in a pile of laundry on the floor.
"I don't know. Invading your space."
"You're not the only one invading my space, hon," he chuckles and shrugs. "Plus it's not like it's the first time I've had to share a room, I honestly don't care."
I draw my eyebrows together, slowly taking my jacket off. "What do you mean?"
"When we trained, we had like 3 or 4 to a room, it was-"
"No, no that's not what I'm talking about," I cut him off. "I mean when you said I'm not the only one invading your space."
"Oh," he laughs. "Sorry. Namjoon is staying here with us too."
My face falls and I stop moving. "You're not serious."
"I am."
"Why Namjoon?" I groan, taking the jacket off my shoulders and flopping down on the bed. "I mean I'm really appreciative of what he did for me back there, but I can't deal with him. He can't deal with me either. We literally hate each other as people."
"You're going to quit whining and deal with it," Yoongi says. "He's your backup guard. Jimin is also watching you close, whether Mr. Min said so or not. Lay is gonna have to sleep at some point and we agreed it would be good if you were here with Jimin and Namjoon to have an assigned guard at all time."
I sigh. "That makes sense I guess. But Namjoon is still hurt, Jimin would have to worry about both of us at once, it would be too much for him-"
"Y/N," Yoongi says sternly. "It's for your benefit. Would you rather stay with Lay? Because that's what my father wanted to do before I talked him down to Namjoon."
I chew my cheek. He's right, I would much rather be around Namjoon. As much as we get on each other's nerves, I trust him far more than Lay.
"Are we good here? I have to help with the rooms for EXO," Yoongi says, nodding at the door. I nod.
"Yeah we're good."
"Good," he nods, putting my bag on the floor next to the dresser. "Then I'll see you later."
He walks out of the room and I pump my eyebrows once. Busy man.
I turn back to Jimin, who stands there, small smile on his face. We lock eyes for a second before he quickly shakes his head.
"Wait, I got something for you," he walks over to the other side of the room. I walk to the bed, resting a knee on it. He lifts a box up, putting it on the bed, opening it for me. I lean over. "Before EXO took your room, I quickly swept through it and took your things. I thought you would want them in here."
I look inside to see my sketch books, clothes, some holsters I left behind. As I dig through, I see my picture frames. I pick them up, sighing and then letting my lips curl into a small smile as I look up at Jimin.
"Thank you."
"No problem. I know they're not going to be here permanently and you would probably get your room back, but I just don't want anything ruined." I sigh.
"I'm not-"
"Jimin!" A voice yells from the hall, causing us both to jump. A boy runs to the door, smiling and panting, leaning on the frame. Baekhyun. He looks between us, giving me a nod of acknowledgement. "You and your boys have some explaining to do!"
"What?" Jimin asks, raising his eyebrows, moving toward the door and stopping a few feet away.
"We found this under-"
Baekhyun pulls out a stack of what looks like magazines and Jimin quickly lunges at him, being dodged by the other boy, who breaks down the hall.
"Son of a bitch!" Jimin says as he misses, hitting his shoulder on the frame. He looks at me slightly frantic, not knowing what to do.
"Just go, dumbass," I laugh and he nods thankfully, sprinting out of the room.
I thought the internet was a thing for a reason.
I chuckle to myself as I look at the pictures in my hand. I let out a small sigh and place them back inside. My eyes shift over to my gun holster. I grab it and remove my gun from my current holster that Mr. Min gave me, putting it on the bed. I take it off, clipping mine to my thigh.
The knife holster sits on top, collecting dust. I grab it, looking at the empty pocket with a heavy feeling in my chest. It's just... gone. My hand runs across my tattoo.
I bring it down to my other thigh, clipping it on. For now, I'll have to replace it with another knife.
I shake my head, turning around to bump into a tall figure, causing me to gasp.
"Boo."
I feel my heart drop.
"What do you want, Lay?" I sigh, walking by him to grab my bag.
"I was around and came to check on you," he says, chuckling. "Plus I saw Jimin leave. Nobody's in here with you."
"Okay and?" I shake my head, grabbing a shirt to change into, my back to him. I turn and he's right in front of me again, barely an inch from my body, causing my breath to catch in my chest.
"First of all, it's my job," he says, smiling. "Second," his fingers trace the tattoo peeking from my t-shirt. I flinch, but don't move. I can't. "It's dangerous for you to be alone. You never know what could happen, who could be watching, waiting..." His tone makes me feel extremely uneasy. His hot breath fans my ear as he scans my face. "Preying."
I gulp, looking away, turning my head to the side. This causes him to let out a breathy chuckle.
"I may not be in your room, but that doesn't mean you're getting rid of me."
I clench my jaw, keeping my head to the side. His fingers touch my chin, turning my head back. I resist, but that makes him squeeze it hard, yanking my head back to him, catching me off guard.
"Maybe you were able to walk all over BTS, Namjoon. And they let you. Hell, you able to walk all over Mr. Min," he raises his eyebrows. "If anybody spoke to him or showed disrespect the way you did, we would have a bullet between our eyes within the second. And Namjoon? If you were anybody else, you would have had the shit kicked out of you, no question."
His grip tightens and he pushes me deeper into the wall, heat rising in my stomach from fear.
"But I'm telling you now, sweetie, that behaviour is not going to fly with me. I don't care how important you are, I'm not letting ANY," he pounds the wall beside my head, causing me to jump. "of that shit go. You'll regret it and nobody, not even Jimin can stop me."
He stares at me, his face intense and dangerous. He sighs, softening his features slightly, smiling.
"Understood?" He says. I nod. His nose twitches and he narrows his eyes are me. "Use your words. Do we have an understanding?"
I gulp. "Yes," my voice is weak. "We have an understanding."
"Good," he releases my chin smiling. Grabbing my head with both hands, he kisses my forehead. "I'm gonna go unpack my room now, I will see you at dinner."
I don't even speak, I just let him leave with my hand trembling down at my thigh. I let out a shaky breath, not knowing how to process everything that just happened.
I don't feel anger like I usually would. Not toward him, but toward myself. I don't know why I let him do that to me, my mind. I never let that kind of shit slide, not that far anyway.
But toward Lay? It wasn't anger. There was something in his voice that brought a feeling of sheer fear. I don't know his story, I only know that he disappeared and came back without anybody knowing. Everybody's look when he walked in. They were scared too. Worried. Confused. I don't know what they were scared of, but now I think I have a pretty good idea.
Bodyguard or not, I'm going to have to watch my back around him.