-Julia-
"Yes... Yes... That's right... Thank you so much! I'll send the money first thing on Monday! Yes, thank you again! Bye-bye!"
I closed my phone with a deep sigh, leaning back in my chair. Another heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. Another bill covered. I turned to look at the stack of papers on my desk and grabbed the first one, writing a little note for myself so I wouldn't forget to pay it on Monday.
Then, I smiled at the rest of the papers. The stack was so small... I couldn't remember the last time it was so tiny... I got up from my chair and walked around in my study, stopping at the other end. The whole wall was lined up with big file cabinets. I randomly opened one of the big drawers and peered in.
Everything was neatly in the right order, every paper in their designated places. There used to be a time when I had to fight to get the drawers open, and even harder to shut them since they were so full of papers and notes and receipts... Looking at it now was like admiring a fine work of art. Every time I needed a certain document, I was filled with joy since it would only take me a couple of seconds to locate it. Before Blake, that sweet angel, organized it all, it took me up to an hour to find what I was looking for.
I had to laugh lightly at myself for still wanting to come to look at the cabinets just so I could admire how neatly organized everything was. I returned back to my desk and made sure I had nothing else on my to-do list for the day. I still had a little time before it was time for me to go see Jordan, but I had done everything I needed for the day, and I didn't feel like starting my tasks for tomorrow, so I just sat down and grabbed my half-full cup of tea. It was still warm enough to drink, so I took a good position on my chair and leaned back.
Learning to take it easy and relax from time to time hadn't been easy. The hardest part was getting rid of the thought that if I stayed still even for a minute, everything would fall apart. But the truth was that nothing would fall apart even if I wanted to enjoy the rest of my tea in peace.
Blake did that. That man had given us so much more than what even I could see at that moment. His kindness and helping hand had given us time – time we desperately needed.
A few moments later I had finished my tea and cleared out my desk. I took the empty cup in the kitchen and washed it before going into the bedroom to freshen up. I still had fifteen minutes left before Jordan would expect me, so I took my time.
And then my beloved husband walked in. I gave him a silent stare over my shoulder while changing my shirt. We still weren't in the best terms.
"You're going to see Jordan again?" he asked too casually.
"Yes," I nodded.
"Hmm..." he uttered. He waited for a moment while I pretended he wasn't there, knowing he had something to say. And then he said it. "Are you still not talking to me?"
"Have you earned it?" I asked.
"Come on – I had every right to get mad. I am still mad," he said sternly.
"That is your right," I said, turning to look at him. "But it is also my right to be mad at you for not trusting me."
"You let a criminal into our home, and now said criminal has seduced our boy. Jordan isn't capable of making such decisions! Blake is just using–"
"Don't you dare finish that," I said angrily. "You don't even know your son anymore! And Blake has dedicated his entire life to making Jordan's life better! He loves Jordan and would never hurt him!"
"How would you know that?" he asked, staying calmer than I was.
"No. The only thing that you can't stand is the fact that your son is in a gay relationship," I said. "Your son is gay, and there is nothing you can do about it, so you better stop blaming Blake and accept the fact that the only thing wrong in this house is your homophobia."
Then I stormed out of the room without giving him a second look. I marched straight to the third floor even though I was still too early, but I figured it didn't matter since Jordan's door was closed. I hated the fact that he had kept it closed ever since Blake's secret came out. I couldn't sneak up the stairs to look at him anymore...
I waited patiently for Jordan to open the door, and when he did, I broke into a smile. "Hi, honey!"
"Hey, Mom," Jordan smiled as well, and retreated from the door.
"How was your day?" I asked, stepping to the door.
"It was good," he replied, gesturing me to come in.
It was so normal nowadays for me to be in his room, and talk with him about the day, that sometimes I almost forgot that it wasn't that long ago when he was barely able to talk with me on Skype. And better yet, he had turned into a lively, bright-eyed man who smiled often and talked with excitement in his voice. Sometimes I forgot to listen to what he had to say when I watched him.
My baby boy... He had grown so much ever since Blake came into the picture... And my husband couldn't see that. That was what made me mad. His own prejudices and archaic values blinded him, making him not see the beauty of the love these two young men had for each other.
"I have another clock for you," Jordan said at some point, and picked it up from the table. He stopped to look at it for a moment, and I was sure he was having a hard time giving it away, but I trusted he made the right decision. Then, he took a deep breath and walked to me.
He stopped only a foot away from me... I could've reached out and touched him, but I would never do that without his permission. Besides, this was more than what I could've asked. To be right next to him.
"Here," he said, holding the clock in his palm.
"It's the third one," I smiled at him, taking it carefully.
"There's still plenty left," he sighed.
"Small steps," I reminded him.
He didn't reply to me. He was staring at the clock I was holding, and at first, I thought he was starting to regret giving it to me, but turned out that he had something completely else on his mind.
"Could you... hold still?" he asked slowly.
"Of course," I breathed out, knowing he was about to do something different.
He took a moment before he lifted his hand, carefully brought it close to mine, and then... he touched my hand. I tried my best not to burst into tears and start screaming from joy when his cold fingers brushed past mine. I forced myself to stay absolutely still. I wasn't even breathing.
Then... he took my hand in his. And he looked up at me with a timid smile on his face.
"I did it," he whispered.
"You sure did," I muttered, still doing my best to hold back my tears.
"I'm going to get out of this room soon," he said, tearing up as well. "We will sell this house this year..."
"Let's just focus on getting you out of this room first," I laughed lightly. "You're getting better so fast it's scary sometimes," I added.
He was still holding my hand gently.
"I know right," he chuckled, and looked down. We stayed there in complete silence for a moment, but then, he let go. The cold air felt almost cruel against my skin...
"I love you so much," I told him with a trembling voice.
"I love you too," he said, and looked up to give me a smile.
*****
The next morning, I woke up at six as always, took a quick shower, and went to make breakfast for the family. John was the first one to wake up after me, but he only came into the kitchen to grab the lunch I made for him the day before and left for work.
Half an hour later, Jamie joined me in the kitchen with a tired smile on her face.
"Did you go early to bed?" I asked, knowing that she didn't.
"Uhm... yes," she smirked, knowing that I knew she didn't.
"Uh-huh," I said, scowling at her in a playful manner. "Go sit down – breakfast is just about ready," I told her, and continued making an omelet.
"How's Jordan?" she asked, sitting down at the table.
"He gave me another clock and he let me hold his hand yesterday," I told her, getting excited all over again. "He has come so far already!"
"I still can't believe he's giving away his clocks," she said. "I mean... his clocks."
"I know, it's a miracle," I said, grabbing a plate for her. "A little miracle called Blake."
"I haven't seen Blake in... days," Jamie said, while I placed the omelet in front of her. "Is he like, living with Jordan now?"
"Pretty much," I said.
"Is Blake actually living with Jordan now?"
I turned around to see Joy stepping into the kitchen, looking like a homeless punk star.
"Are you seriously going to wear that?" I asked, looking up and down at her attire. She was wearing brightly-colored stockings, torn denim shorts that were a few sizes too big for her, a white crop-top that looked like someone had run out of ink and decided to write something on it with mascara, and a dark-green something that was probably supposed to be a leather jacket, but she had cut off basically everything else except the sleeves. Her makeup had fallen off her eyes down to her cheeks and she had finished her look by trying to bleach her hair, which was now fifty shades of carrot.
"What? Don't I look pretty?" she asked, grabbing her oversized shorts like it was a skirt, and twirled around.
"Sure," I sighed, hating this phase of hers and begging inside my head that it was only a phase. "And yes, Blake is living with Jordan now."
"Aww, they make such a cute couple," Joy said, and I assumed she was just joking around since we hadn't told them yet that they were indeed a couple.
"They sure do," I said, and grabbed more eggs.
There was a short moment of silence in the kitchen.
"Wait, they do? They... are?" Joy's voice was surprised.
"They've been together for a while now, yes," I said as casually as I could.
"Great... Even Jordan is getting laid and I'm not," Joy sighed.
"I didn't need to hear that," I scolded her. "I am sure they are not doing... that... yet," I added, not wanting to think about any of my kids having sex. Not even the ones who were adults.
"Yeah... sure... Have you seen Blake? He's hot," Joy said, and I let out a heavy sigh.
"He sure is," Jamie concurred. "Too bad he's gay..."
"And banging your brother," Joy snickered.
"Joy please!" I sighed in frustration, although I was happy to know they weren't against their brother's relationship. In which he wasn't having sex. Ever.
Later that morning, once I had dropped off Jamie to school, I headed to my office. I hadn't been there in a few days, and I wanted to get some more paperwork done – yay. When I parked my car in front of the small building where the office was located, my phone started to ring. I searched for it and found it at the bottom of my purse. It was my brother who was calling, so I hurried to pick it up.
"Hey – what's up?" I asked, trying not to get my hopes up.
"Hey – is this a bad time?" he asked, to which I said no, so he continued, "Listen, I have a new list of families who have lost their children."
"And?"
"And I'm now trying to contact people in Europe to get some help."
"In Europe?" I sighed. "That's a big place to search..."
"We all knew Europe is our best bet since the kidnappers were living there around the time Blake went missing."
"I know, I know... But it's like looking for a needle in a haystack..."
"Don't you worry – at least we can rule out different ethnicities," he said. "I just wanted to let you know I'm making some progress. We will find them eventually."
"Thank you," I said, hoping that he was right. Blake deserved to know who he was, and hopefully, find his place in the world. With an actual name and a social security number.
*****
There sure was a lot of paperwork for me to do, more bills to pay, and I even had a meeting with my accountant, but I got everything done just in time before I had to go pick up Jamie again. I dropped her off at the stables and told her John would be picking her up again, and after that, I was finally allowed to go home.
Where I had absolutely nothing to do. I couldn't have been more excited. I dreamed about a bubble bath and a glass of cheap wine the whole way back home.
It was heavenly to lay in the warm water for a whole hour. I couldn't even remember the last time I had the time to do that. I decided to go get Blake a gift as a thank you for making it possible for me to take a bath.
After I was fully dressed again, I cleaned around the house while waiting to see Jordan. No one would be home until really late, so I didn't even have to make dinner this time. I truly felt blessed that day.
But at that moment, I had no idea how blessed the day would truly be.
When the time was right, I climbed to the third floor and waited for Jordan. Soon, he opened the door with his usual smile, and welcomed me in. We talked about the day like always while Jordan was slowly making his way closer to me. I wished we could hold hands again, but I didn't let my hopes up. He stopped a few feet away from me, which was more than enough for me.
"I have a confession to make," I said at some point. "I told Jamie and Joy about your relationship. They took it really well."
"Oh, well, it's not a big secret," Jordan said. "I'm glad to hear they don't mind though."
"Unlike some people," I scoffed.
"What?"
"Your father is still not over the fact that you two are together," I explained.
"Really? But he thanked me for being honest," Blake spoke from the couch.
"He's a stubborn old mule sometimes..." I muttered. "I'm giving him some time to get over himself, and I really hope he does because I'm not letting him ruin your happiness."
Jordan smiled at my words. "Thanks, Mom," he said quietly.
"You deserve to be happy," I smiled at him.
He took a small step towards me and looked down at his feet. "Could you hold still for a moment?" he asked, and I immediately said yes. Was he going to hold my hand again? I was dying to touch him...
He took the last step and stopped right in front of me. It didn't take him long before he reached towards my hand again. I had the biggest smile on my face when he did that. It probably grew even bigger when he touched my hand.
"There's something I want to do," he said quietly. "Just... hold still..."
I would've nodded if I dared to move as much. I watched him as he lifted his other hand up as well, and...
And he hugged me.
My baby boy hugged me.
I started crying on the spot, fighting back with all my might so I wouldn't have hugged him back. My God... I just wanted to hug him... Just for a second... It had been seven years since I last hugged him...
"It's okay – you can hug me back," he whispered with a shivering voice, like he had heard my silent prayer.
I was as careful as I possibly could as I lifted my arms, and placed them gently around him. I cried even harder. I was holding him. My son... I finally had him in my arms... Finally.
"I love you, Mom..." Jordan whispered, and pulled back a little without letting go of me. "I'm sorry this took so long..."
"I love you too, honey..." I whispered – my voice was almost gone, drowned by the emotions.
Too soon, Jordan had to step back, but he didn't have to get away from me. We were both crying and laughing and crying even more. Even Blake was in tears, that big softie...I was struggling to understand what just happened. I held Jordan. I hugged him...
"I love you so much," I told him. "I knew this day would come."
"I wasn't so sure about it myself," he admitted.
"I was," I whispered, barely seeing him behind my tears.
On that day, when Blake had stepped into our home, I found my hope again.