-Jordan-
"Do you want me to show you?"
When I nodded, I had no idea that Blake would go for my watch. When his fingers touched it, I almost freaked out on the spot – I had never removed it from my wrist after putting it on a few years ago – but I trusted Blake, so I managed to stay calm.
But if Blake was going to steal it without me noticing it, he was doing a crappy bad job distracting me. Unless the watch was the distraction. But what else could he be stealing?
"That's not a good di-" I spoke, but then Blake moved.
Our lips touched, and my mind grew blank. My body stopped working. I couldn't breathe, move or even think when Blake's lips were pressed on mine. For a second, I feared Blake had stepped over the line, but when I didn't go into a panic, I sighed in relief.
I had dreamed about that moment for far too long, so I didn't want anything to interrupt it. When Blake moved his lips carefully over mine, I mimicked his movement, enjoying the sensation to the fullest.
Then Blake rested his hand on my hip, and pulled me gently, but tightly against him. I felt suddenly small and fragile in his arms, and I shivered. He could easily break me, and I could've been afraid of him, but there was a third feeling, a stronger feeling, that overcame all my fears: I felt safe in his arms.
If someone had told me six months ago, that I would be kissing a thief, who had tried to rob me, and instead of freaking out, I would be calm and happy and yearning for more, I wouldn't have believed that person. Of course, I wouldn't have! That thought was absolutely absurd, but it was really happening. And I really, truly loved it.
When I had to break the kiss to get some air – I was getting dizzy, but it had nothing to do with my phobias – Blake was smiling at me. I stared at him, and I realized that I had never ever been so close to anyone. I knew in my heart that I made the right choice when I didn't call the cops back when I first met him. That man had given me my life back.
And when I stared at him, I could suddenly see a whole world around me. I somehow knew I was going to step out of my room. I would walk down the stairs and have dinner with my family. I would buy a pair of shoes, go outside and see all the places I had always wanted to see. And I would burn my schedule and throw away the clocks, as long as Blake was there with me.
I had to fight back my tears. I didn't want Blake to see me crying at that moment when I was at my happiest. Instead, I smiled shyly at him, and bit my lower lip, before looking down, trying to think of something to say.
"You uh... That... I..." I stammered and looked at my watch. "You call that a diversion? I saw you going for my watch, and you didn't even get it off my wrist!"
Blake chuckled and leaned closer. "The watch was the diversion."
"Then what did you steal?" I asked and tried to see if there was something else missing.
"Your first kiss," Blake whispered and kissed my cheek.
My cheeks started turning red, and my smile grew wider. The guy really was a thief. I turned to look away from him, but I hoped he wouldn't let go of me. I really enjoyed being held by him.
"Do you need some space?" Blake asked quietly, and his voice had a hint of sadness in it.
"No," I muttered. "This is good."
"Okay," Blake said with a much cheerier voice.
I hesitated for a moment, before I lifted my hands up, and rested them carefully on his broad shoulders. Blake had a cheesy smile on his face, and his brown eyes were sparkling in a way I had never seen before. I could sense the tension between us, and my stomach started twisting. I had never felt anything like that before, so I believed I now knew what people meant when they said they had butterflies in their stomachs.
I looked shortly at Blake's lips, and almost giggled nervously when I thought about how soft and good they felt against mine. I could only wish that I wasn't horrible at kissing – I had never kissed anyone before, and no matter how many times I had seen people kissing on TV, I wasn't sure how to do it exactly.
"What are you thinking?" Blake asked with a whisper.
"You'll laugh at me if I tell you," I said with an embarrassed smile.
"I would never laugh at you," Blake said sternly.
I wasn't sure if I should just ask him if I was any good at kissing, but he already knew I wasn't like the rest of them. "Is there, uhm..." I bit my lower lip briefly before I continued, "I don't know how to kiss..."
"What are you talking about?" Blake chuckled. "That was a really good kiss."
"But not great?" I asked.
"Well, I did catch you off guard," he said. "And I don't know if you were ready for it just yet..." he trailed off with an apologetic look in his eyes.
"I trust you," I said quietly. "My body trusts you."
It was a weird thing to say, but I had always felt like my mind and body were separate. I couldn't control what my body did or how I felt, but when Blake was around, my mind and body were united. With Blake, I was whole again.
"So, I wasn't that great of a kisser?" I asked teasingly when Blake just stood there with a big smile on his face.
"It was a great kiss," Blake said reassuringly. "I can already tell your kisses will drive me insane. In a good way."
"So all I need is practice?" I asked, trying to sound seductive, and maybe it worked, since Blake smirked almost shyly with a faint blush on his cheeks.
"Well, I think we both could use some practice. Hours and hours of practice," he said with a stern nod. "I think we need to start right away."
I laughed cheerily. "You are hopeless."
"Hopelessly in love," Blake corrected me tenderly.
I shook my head in amusement, but I was incredibly happy. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and rested his head against my forehead. I could feel him playing with my long braid, and instead of freaking out, like I usually did, I felt content.
We didn't say a word in a long time. I knew Blake was doing his best to give me the time to get used to his closeness, and I couldn't have been more grateful. I had waited for years for that moment to happen, and I didn't want to rush past it. Time had always been my enemy, but at that moment, it felt like all the clocks in the world had stopped, just so that I could enjoy myself.
After a while, Blake shifted a little and kissed my cheek carefully. I almost closed my eyes in pure joy when I felt his warm breath tickling my skin. It was another thing I had never felt before, or at least I couldn't remember how it felt like. Blake pecked my cheek again, but this time his lips landed closer to mine. When he leaned in for the third time, I moved my head, and he ended up kissing me on the lips.
He looked surprised when he pulled away for an inch or two, but I gave him an encouraging smile. He returned that smile and pressed his lips back on mine.
I had been waiting for that second kiss, and I enjoyed it even more than the first one – if it was even possible. Blake wasn't so careful anymore, even though his touch was still as gentle as ever. I was able to tell he'd been really worried the first time since now he seemed more relaxed and less timid when the kiss continued.
I decided not to worry over my kissing skills. I was sure Blake would be patient with me and guide my way. At that moment, I only wanted to enjoy and celebrate the fact that I had just taken another huge step towards my recovery.
And the best way to celebrate it was to be kissed by the man who had made it all happen.
-Blake-
"I should go," I spoke later that evening.
I didn't want to go, but Jordan needed to go take a shower and go to bed. I guess he was feeling the same...
"I don't want you to go," he whispered.
We were sitting in Jordan's kitchen. I watched Jordan struggling to eat one simple sandwich, and it broke my heart all over again to see how hard even the simplest things in life were for that beautiful man.
"I can stay if you want," I said, but I knew it wasn't about what Jordan wanted – it was about what his OCD demanded.
Jordan smiled at me, but his expression was sad. Then his eyes lit up all of a sudden, and he took a deep breath. "I want you to stay for the night," he said, surprising me.
The way he said it... it had taken a lot of energy from him to ask me to stay the night, so I knew he was being serious, but I frowned worriedly.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to push your limits that far," I spoke.
"I can do it," Jordan said sternly. "I feel better when you're close."
"Really?" I asked with wide eyes.
"Yeah," Jordan smiled a little. "I know I'm safe with you."
"Well, if you're sure," I smiled too. "Your couch does look a lot cozier than my bed, and my bed is pretty cozy," I continued.
Jordan laughed a little. "I'm not making you sleep on the couch."
I choked at his words. I wasn't quite sure if I believed my ears. "A-Are you making me sleep on the floor then?" I joked, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
"No," Jordan chuckled. "There's plenty of room in my bed."
I lost the ability to speak. I must've looked like an ass while I stared at him with my mouth open, but I was too stupefied to function.
"You've been in my bed before," Jordan noted.
"That didn't end too well," I said when I regained my senses.
"I thought I was just dreaming, and I told you some pretty embarrassing things..." Jordan spoke with a little red on his cheeks.
"You didn't say anything embarrassing," I said firmly. "On the contrary – I'd love to hear more about those sex dreams you have about me."
Jordan blushed, shook his head and started to laugh. "They are nothing compared to the reality," he said quietly. "Well, I'd love to be able to do all... that... but the past couple of months have been amazing, and I have nothing to complain about."
I couldn't help but remember the very first time I had laid my eyes on Jordan. I could still hear his horrified scream just before he fainted. And now we kissed, and there was no trace of fear in his beautiful, purple eyes.
"You've come so far, my love," I said quietly. "I am so proud of you."
"Thank you," Jordan spoke just as quietly.
I nodded lightly and checked the time. "It's time for a shower," I noted.
Jordan turned to look at the clock and sighed before he stood up. "I really hate that thing..."
"I know," I said and stood up as well. "But you are a fighter – I know you will find a way to defeat your fears."
"I hope so," Jordan said, while I took his hand and kissed the back of his palm.
"I know so," I said. "Go take a shower. I need to freshen up as well and change my clothes. I'll meet you right here when you're done, okay?"
"Okay," Jordan nodded and exited the kitchen.
I followed him and walked to the front door, keeping my eyes on his slender back the entire time. Jordan turned to wave at me before he stepped into his bathroom. I had to force myself to turn around, and I was smiling like an idiot when I hurried to my own bedroom on the second floor.
Mrs. Simmons had left a pile of new clothes for me on my bed, and I resisted the urge to go tell the woman to stop spending so much money on me since I had only ten minutes left before Jordan would step out of his bathroom.
So I didn't waste a second before I hurried to take a quick shower. Once I was done, I went to grab my old pair of pajamas and stared at them for a moment. Mrs. Simmons had tried to patch them up, but they were still worn-down, and definitely not something I wanted my boyfriend to see. I remembered the pile of new clothes, and there were a pair of black college pants on top of the pile. I grabbed them, feeling grateful towards the golden woman who had given me a home.
"You are one awesome lady, Mrs. Simmons," I muttered with a wide grin.
I put on the new pants and a clean, white top before I checked my reflection in the mirror. I had gained a few extra pounds, but I hoped Jordan didn't mind. I was already losing muscles too, but I didn't have time to work out. I didn't even know how to use the fancy equipment at a gym.
"That's what you get for eating so much white bread," I muttered and patted my stomach.
I tousled my hair to make it look messy before I left the room and climbed quietly back to the third floor. I stepped into Jordan's room just before he came out of his bathroom. He had a gray towel around his slim figure, and I couldn't stop myself from checking him out.
"Nice legs," I smiled.
"Pervert," Jordan muttered and tried to hide his smile. "Nice hair."
"Thanks," I purred and walked slowly closer to him.
Jordan trembled a little and looked down, so I stopped to a halt. My heart sank when I saw his stiff posture. He was still afraid of me, and it hurt more than anything else I had ever experienced. For some reason, I had thought that Jordan wouldn't get scared of me anymore after we kissed and everything, but of course, it wasn't that simple.
"You look great," Jordan said quietly and pulled his towel tighter around himself like he was ashamed.
"You look beautiful," I said, knowing that those three words couldn't convince him. "You really do."
"I'm just a scarecrow..." he muttered and continued his way into his bedroom.
I wasn't sure if I was allowed to follow him. I hesitated for a moment before I took one, careful step towards his door, and when I didn't hear Jordan objecting it, I followed him.
"Jordan?" I spoke his name quietly, looking down at my feet in case Jordan was dressing up. I had seen him without clothes before, but I didn't want to be inconsiderate. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah," Jordan replied immediately, and I felt better when I stepped in.
"Is it safe to look?" I asked.
"Someone has taught you manners," Jordan said with a cheery voice. "You can look."
"Okay," I said and looked up at him.
Jordan had gray pajama pants already on, and he was pulling down the hem of a black T-shirt. I managed to see a glimpse of his pale stomach, and I frowned. I was pretty sure he was losing weight – he didn't look so skinny back when we first met.
"What?" Jordan asked when he noticed me staring at him.
"I wish I could help you more," I spoke carefully. "I wish I could do something, anything, to make your problems disappear."
"You are already helping me," Jordan said with a slight frown. "It's not your job to fix me. And I hope you still remember that my problems may never go away."
He said the word 'problems' with a sharp tone, and I immediately regretted my words.
"Please don't get mad at me," I pleaded. "I'm just worried... You're so thin..."
"You said I'm beautiful," he said.
"You are beautiful," I muttered, and fell silent – I was obviously making things only worse if I spoke.
Jordan was quiet for a moment. He just stared at me for a moment, but then he sighed and shook his head.
"Dammit – you look like a lost puppy," he murmured and walked closer to me. "It's really hard to resist you..."
"I didn't mean to offend you," I said with a tiny voice. "I just love you so much, and I want only the best for you."
Jordan stopped and bit his lower lip, looking down at his feet. "You..."
"What?" I asked and fought back my urge to take the final step to him.
"You are literally the only reason why I have made it this far. You don't need to do more for me. I just need you to be with me. That's all," Jordan said and looked up at me. "You said we have time."
"But I feel so useless," I mumbled.
"You are not useless," Jordan said tenderly and took the last step to me. "You've helped me, and my family. I'm not so afraid anymore, and my mom has more time to spend with my sisters because of you. You are not useless."
I disagreed with him, but I didn't want to start arguing with him, so I just nodded shortly. Jordan gave me a small smile and took my hand in his.
"Come on – let's go to sleep," he said and pulled me to his bed.
I watched him sit down on the edge of his bed, holding my hand tightly in his. I started to smile and sat down next to him. Jordan pushed the covers away and lay down on the other side of the bed, patting the empty spot next to him.
I was relieved to see him so relaxed. He was looking straight at me with a lazy smile on his lips, waiting for me to join him. I didn't let him wait for any longer, so I lay down next to him.
He tensed up, but when I didn't move, he calmed down and rested his hand on the bed right between us. I knew he wouldn't let me come any closer in a long time, but I didn't mind. Letting me stay in his room was a huge step for him, so I was more than happy as it was.
"Goodnight," Jordan said quietly with a smile on his face.
"Goodnight," I replied, placing my own hand carefully on his.
He didn't even flinch when I did that.