Flashback from five years ago...
It was a week after since Chaeyoung confessed to her family about her real sexuality, on how is she interested with girls than boys. She was feeling so happy with a light heart knowing that one of her deepest secrets has been revealed. And the fear of everyone judging her was gone when her family accepted her and her decision wholeheartedly.
And it was not just her family, but also her bestfriend, Mina. Since the very beginning, she already wants to tell Mina about it but she was afraid. But Mina almost smacked her so hard for keeping that secret. Chaeyoung really forgot how nice and understanding that girl is. She was always supportive to her ever since.
Mina... Just by the thought of her makes her feel extra happy. Chaeyoung's confidence boosted up more now that Mina knows it. She was happily skipping while entering a shop that sells different jewelries. It's been three days since she last saw her, as they needed to go to US for an important business. They were coming back today and she's so excited as she misses her bestfriend so much.
She was looking for a perfect gift for her. But she didn't know what to choose. She's not fond of accessories like this. "I should have asked Dahyun to come with me" she thought. When one of the staff noticed that she's having trouble picking, the lady approached her.
"Hi Maam! How may I help you?"
"U-uhh.." Chaeyoung was hesitant at first but she had no choice. She needed to be home before they arrive. "I need to find a gift for my.. uh, bestfriend"
"Is your bestfriend a guy or a girl?"
"Girl.." she smiled, eyes twinkling. "And she's very pretty too"
"Oh, just like you. This way then, maam"
Then the lady guided her to a different section. She brought out five different red boxes and put it above the glass table. She opened it one by one and Chaeyoung was amazed by how beautiful they are.
"This are the most suitable gifts for your beautiful bestfriend, Maam"
It was silver necklaces but with different designs of pendants. It was with a heart, rose, crown, mood and star. When she saw that, she already knew what to pick and immediately bought it.
She hurriedly grabbed a taxi and went home. On her way, she can't stop smiling while looking at the necklace she bought with a star pendant on it. She remembered the first night that she and Mina slept together because they decided to have a slumber party.
They were lying on Mina's bed and they were facing the window. The moon is in its full shape and the sky was filled with stars.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" Chaeyoung turned to Mina when she heard her talking.
"Huh?"
"The stars. It's beautiful, right?" then Mina turned her head to Chaeyoung and smiled. She didn't know why she felt so nervous that time, her heart was pounding so hard.
"Y-yeah, It's so beautiful.." she said while staring on Mina's eyes that was also shining like a star. She heard her giggled and stared again at the sky. Chaeyoung holds her heart to make it calmed down.
"You know what, I always wish to be part of those stars. I want to shine brightly like them even during dark times"
She was just staring at Mina while listening to her. She smiled when she saw her smiled. And that's the moment that she realized.. She already love her bestfriend.
Chaeyoung stopped day dreaming when the taxi halted, she realized that she's already at the front of their house. She got out and entered their house.
"Mom! Mom!"
"Chaeng, I'm here" she heard her Mom's voice in the kitchen and she went there.
"Why are you shouting? You're so hyper!"
"Mom, is Mina already home??" she asked excitedly.
"Yes, they've-" she didn't let her Mom finished her words and ran towards Mina's house.
"Son Chaeyoung! You kid!" her Mom shouted but she just blew her a kiss and laugh.
Chaeyoung was already at Mina's house and she calmed down herself and fixed her hair before ringing the doorbell. The door opened and she was greeted by Mina's mom.
"Auntie Taeyeon!"
"Chaeyoung, you're here early. Come in" then she entered and followed Mina's mom.
"Where's Mina, auntie? Is she in her bedroom? May I-"
"Chaeyoung.. We need to talk" all her hyperness was gone and it was changed with nervousness.
Mina's mom walked towards the living room and sat on the couch. Chaeyoung can't still proccess what's happening but her own feet seems to move on its own and followed her.
"Sit down" and she fully oblige.
"What's that?" Chaeyoung hold tight at the red box when she saw that Mina's mom was looking at it.
"I-it's for Mina" Mina's mom nodded.
"You are such a good bestfriend to my daughter" Chaeyoung felt how she gave a heavy pronunciation to that "bestfriend" word.
"And I am happy that she found you because she's been back to her old self. I think you know already that ever since her sister left, she's been sad all the time but that changed when you came. I guess Mina found another sister in you" She looked at Chaeyoung when she mentioned that and she knows that Mina's mom wants to tell her that she's just a sister for Mina.
"And when her dad died, you were also there. You became her rock and strength, Chaeyoung. Because you were always there, if she needed you or not. And maybe that's the reason why you two became inseparable"
"At first I thought, that's what bestfriends should do. Being each others rock, finding a sister even not by blood. Caring and loving each other that much. Of course I'll know it, me and your mom were bestfriends too" Mina's mom smiled.
"But when you told us something last week, that's when I confirmed it" Chaeyoung got more nervous right now. Mina's mom became more serious.
"I know you love my daughter. You love Mina, right?"
Chaeyoung gulped before answering. This will be the first time that she was able to talk when this conversation started. "Of course I l-love her. She's my best-"
"You love her more than just a bestfriend, right Chaeyoung?" She can't answer, it's like she was turned into a stone. How did Mina's mom know? She thought.
"I'll take your silence as a yes. Besides I'm her mom Chaeyoung, so I'll know. And she's been talking alot about you and I also watched the two of you grow. Based from that, I realized it was pretty obvious" her hand was shaking but she was shocked when Mina's mom holds her hand.
"I just want you to know that I'm not trying to be a bad person here, Chaeyoung. I'm just being a mom that's wanting all the best for her daughter. And I know.. that it is not you" she felt tears escaped. Her words was like a knife stabbing her.
"I want Mina to build a family, a real family. With a husband and a child. I want her to experience how is it having someone special growing inside her womb. And can you give that to her, Chaeyoung?" she shooked her head as if accepting defeat. She understand Mina's mom but.. It still hurts.
"I also want her to be a model and she can't do that if issues will lurk that she has a 'girlfriend'. Right? So please Chaeyoung, I am begging you. Forget what you're feeling right now for Mina. Because if you can't stay just as her bestfriend, it's better to just leave her"
"No!" they were both shocked because of her sudden shouting. "I'm s-sorry. I mean no, no I'm not l-leaving her. I don't want to lose her as my b-bestfriend" she said while in tears. She felt Mina's mom squeezed her hands.
"I need you to promise me something"
"P-promise what?"
"That you'll never court my daughter" Chaeyoung was stiffened. She just nodded unknowingly.
"Thank you Chaeyoung. Thank you for understanding me. And I know that if you really love Mina, you'll also want what's the best for her. I am going to hold on to that promise of yours" She smiled at Chaeyoung and wiped its tears.
Chaeyoung can't get mad at her. Even if everything she said hurts, it was the truth, it was the reality. And she still know how nice Mina's mom is because she told her everything with her soft voice, in a nice way. She can't feel that it was angry at her, all she could feel is a Mom talking to her with full of love for her daughter.
"Go to Mina, she's been waiting for you" they stood up but Chaeyoung's legs felt weak. She was starting to climb the stairs but she heard her talk again.
"I hope that this talk we had, will just stay between us" Chaeyoung nodded and smiled lightly.
She looked at the red box she was holding and hid it inside her bag. She wiped the tears that escaped again and calmed down herself. She faked a smile and tried to be jolly again before knocking on Mina's door.
She didn't stayed for long at Mina's house, she just said as an excuse that she needs to do something and Mina should also rest. But the truth is, she went home and cried under her sheets. She was crying her heart out when suddenly, she felt someone was already hugging her. It was her mom. She didn't say anything, but she just cried and cried.
After all that crying, she decided to go out. And she texted Dahyun, they drank and she told her everything.
"Hello, earth to Chaeyoung!" she didn't realized that she was lost with her thoughts. She almost forgot that she was with Dahyun.
"What are you going to do now, Chaeng?"
"Nothing. I don't know. I don't know anymore"
"Chaeyoung, I need to ask you something and answer me honestly" she looked at her waiting for what is she going to ask.
"Is Mina really not worth the risk?"
Was she? She gave Dahyun a long silence. She didn't know what to say. But everytime she remember that words from Mina's mom, she always find a certain answer.
"No, she isn't. Because I am not what's best for her" she smiled bitterly.
I wish I could tell my fucking heart.. to already stop loving you.
--
It hurts so much while I'm writing this ㅠㅠ