-Blake-
I stared at the unconscious Jordan Simmons at my feet. My heart was racing, and my whole body was demanding me to run while I still could.
But I couldn't. My eyes were glued on the beautiful face of young mister Simmons. I had a thing for beautiful and shiny things like all thieves had, and Jordan was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I looked around in the freakishly huge bathroom. It seemed to be even bigger than the bedroom across the hall. I was expecting to see someone else hiding in there, but since I was clearly alone, I turned my attention back to the unconscious man.
I kneeled down next to him, and after making sure he was still breathing, I took the hairdryer he'd been using from the ground and turned it off. That was the source of the humming sound I had heard. I put it away and turned to look at Jordan's ridiculously long hair.
I had never seen anyone with such long hair before. I hesitated for a moment before touching his long locks. His hair felt like pure silk against my fingers when I collected it all and placed it on his naked body.
I wrapped my arms carefully around him and lifted him up from the ground. He was pretty tall, but his frame was small. He felt a bit underweight in my arms when I got up on my feet, and carried him to his bedroom, gently putting him down on his bed.
I pulled the covers over him and sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to think about what to do next. I tried to decide if I should call the ambulance. Even if Jordan was shocked to see a strange man in his bathroom, it wasn't normal to faint like that. Maybe he had an illness? Maybe he needed a doctor?
My thoughts were interrupted when Jordan suddenly moved a little on his bed. I hurried up on my feet just when he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, looking disoriented.
I sneaked out of the room before he could see me and hurried to the balcony. Once I was outside, I retreated to the railing. I took one last glance over my shoulder before I climbed over the railing and jumped on the roof below me.
I dashed towards the vine and jumped down without bothering to climb down the trellis. I knew I had only a few short minutes to escape from the scene, and I didn't have a second to waste. Ten minutes later, I was squeezing through the gap on the fence where I'd seen Joyce sneaking out of the neighborhood. Soon after that, I had vanished in the busy streets of the city.
-Jordan-
My alarm clock woke me up at 6:28 on the next morning. I turned it off and got up from the bed. I stretched my muscles while walking to the door of my bedroom, but then I stopped to stare at it with a frown. It was open. It should be closed. I always made sure it was closed when I slept. Why was it open?
"What...?" I muttered.
I forgot the door when I realized I had no clothes on. I always slept in pajamas, but now I was naked. My hair should've been in a braid too, or it would get tangled during the night, but it was hanging freely around me.
Then I spotted my towel on the bed. Nothing made sense to me. I tried to remember what had happened during the night, but I had no memories of it. I remembered taking a shower, but after that, nothing. I had no idea how I ended up in bed.
I sighed, feeling miserable. It had been months since my last panic attack, but it was clear I had one during the night. What had caused my fit this time? I'd been following my schedule and taken my medication like I always did. I'd done everything according to my daily plan, but did I miss something after the shower?
Probably. No... It was clear I had done something wrong and freaked out.
I checked the time, and my heart nearly froze. I had wasted over a minute already! I hurried to the bathroom, braiding my hair on the way. I couldn't afford to have another panic attack so soon after the last one. If I messed up my schedule first thing in the morning, I'd end up freaking out for the rest of the day.
I checked the time again when I entered the bathroom. The waterproof clock on the counter told me it was 6:30 already, so I had to hurry before it turned 6:31.
My breathing grew shorter as I was trying to braid my hair as fast as I could. It should've been in a braid already! I was wasting my time! My heart was beating faster, and I kept staring at the clock. My shaky hands made it difficult to finish the braid, but I made it. I stepped under the shower, and only a few seconds later, the pointer of my clock moved forward.
I let out a shaky breath and leaned hard against the wall. I tried to force my breathing to calm down, and my heart to stop pounding so hard in my chest.
"I made it... I made it..." I whispered to myself, grabbing a soap from a tiny shelf made of stainless steel.
I wanted to have a few moments to calm down, but I'd only end up missing my schedule. I had exactly seven minutes left to take a shower, and since I had already missed a minute, I had to be fast.
Exactly six minutes later, I stepped out of the bathroom and reached for my towel. I felt only air against my fingers, so I turned to look at the rack on my wall. It was empty. The towel was still on my bed.
"I didn't make the bed," I whispered with wide eyes when the realization hit me.
I didn't care I was soaking wet when I rushed into my bedroom. I had a large box of sedatives on my nightstand, and I poured a few on my shaking hand.
"It's all right... It's all right... I'm not going to die from it..." I tried to calm myself down while my breathing grew short again. "Nothing bad is going to happen... Nothing is going to happen... Nothing... It's... all right..."
I tossed the sedatives in my mouth and swallowed them. I was about to freak out. I sat down on the floor and hugged my knees, almost unable to breathe.
"Just make the bed..." I told myself. "Make the bed... Make the bed... It's fine... Nothing happens... Just get up..."
I had a really hard time getting up on my feet. I turned my attention to the bed and away from my clock as I grabbed the covers. My whole day was already ruined. I already knew I'd have to fight back my anxiety for the rest of the day.
My knees gave in, and I started to cry. I had missed my schedule. It was still early in the morning, and I had already screwed up. I would have to punish myself for screwing up. I got up from the floor and climbed on my bed to lie down. I stayed there shaking and crying for a long time, still naked and without covers. I'd stay there until the next morning so I could start all over again.
An hour later, I was still lying on the bed, shivering from the cold, but I had to be punished, so I wasn't allowed to pull the covers over myself. But then the intercom on my nightstand beeped, and I heard my mom's voice.
"Good morning, honey! How are you?"
I stared at the intercom. I wanted to answer her, but I had no right to do so. It was 7:50, time for my ten-minute chat with her, but since I had messed up my schedule...
"Jordan?" she sounded worried. "Oh god no. Please, Jordan, answer me!"
My body trembled, but I stayed silent. She knew I had missed my schedule and was punishing myself – it wasn't the first time this had happened. Far from it.
"Jordan! Don't do this to yourself! It's all right if you miss your schedule! Sweetheart, don't punish yourself, I'm begging you!" Now she sounded scared. "You have to eat!"
I shook my head but didn't answer. I wasn't allowed to eat. I wasn't even allowed to go to the toilet. I had to lie on my bed until the next morning.
"Jordan please, get up and go get something to eat! I'm begging you," she kept talking. "If you don't, I will come up and force you to eat! You are too thin already!"
"No!" I gasped, pressing the line open with shaky hands. "No, don't come up here!"
"If you don't eat something, I will come up!" she said. "Stop doing this to yourself! I swear, if you don't eat something, I will come and take those damned clocks away!"
My heart froze all over again. "Y-You wouldn't... You can't do t-that...!"
"I will if you don't get up from your bed and go eat!" she said sternly.
I started crying again. I couldn't live without my clocks. How could I follow my schedule if I didn't know what time it was?
"You have to eat," she said again, but with a softer voice. "Please, I don't want to take away your clocks, but I'm so worried about you. You have to stop living your life according to some stupid schedule!"
"You know I can't do that," I sniffed. "I have to do everything right."
"But you don't have to," she said. "You know that, honey. You know nothing bad is going to happen if you stop doing everything according to your plan. You know that. Don't let those thoughts rule over you. You are stronger than that, sweetheart."
I listened to her quietly and nodded when she was done. "I know... I just can't... I can't do anything right. I had a fit last night, and I can't remember why. So... I missed my schedule today because of it."
"Did you pass out?" she asked, sounding worried again. "Did you push yourself too hard? Did Joyce try to come see you?"
"I don't know... I don't remember planning on doing anything, and I saw Joy sneaking out again, so..."
"She did? That silly girl..."
I surprised myself by laughing a little. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Please tell her I'm sorry I blurted it out."
My mom was silent for a moment, but then she asked carefully, "Are you feeling better now?"
I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "I'm better now. Thanks, Mom."
"Get out of bed, then. Go get something to eat and take your medication. Use the rest of the day reading a book or paint, but don't punish yourself. You are allowed to make mistakes, just like the rest of us," she spoke tenderly. "You know nothing bad is going to happen if you don't do everything exactly the same."
I nodded again and sniffed. "I'll go eat," I promised.
"Good. Call me soon, okay?"
"Okay."
It took me half an hour to force myself to get up. Only half an hour... I tried to find joy in that fact, since there used to be a time when I couldn't do that at all. Ever since I started therapy all those years ago, it had gotten easier for me to accept the mistakes. I was now able to stop punishing myself. But when I was younger...
As I walked out of my room, encouraging myself to take each step, I did my best to avoid my clocks. Time wasn't my only obsession, but it was the worst. Not knowing what time it was made everything so much harder for me, but nothing good would come out of it, either.
"Nothing bad will happen," I whispered to myself, focusing on my breathing so I wouldn't forget to do it. I'd faint again if I forgot to breathe.
The medication was slowly kicking in, but I still had to give everything I had to fight myself and the thoughts that made no sense.
"Everything will be all right," I muttered as slowly as I could when I stepped into my kitchen.
Stay calm. Stay focused. Move slowly. Breathe steadily. Eat a little. Nothing bad will happen.
No one is going to die just because I messed up...
-Blake-
I stared into nothingness at the bus station. My entire life was packed in my bag, and I was ready to move on. I had a ticket for the bus, but the bus had left an hour ago. Why was I still here? I didn't understand. I'd be far away from this city if I had gotten on it.
Okay, I did know why I was still there. Jordan Simmons. I was still sitting here because of him, probably drawing unwanted attention, too. I'd been thinking about that beautiful man the entire day. I hardly even remembered why I had entered his home in the first place. His purple eyes were all I could see in front of me.
"I'll just go check up on him..." I muttered to myself and got up.
I had to make sure he was all right. I wouldn't get peace of mind until I did. It was my fault Jordan had fainted, so it was my duty to go check up on him. That, and I really wanted to see that beautiful man again.
When the darkness fell, I found myself squeezing through the gap in the stone fence. I stepped out of the shallow ditch and grabbed my bag. I listened carefully to the sounds around me while I climbed up the hill to the Simmons' house.
Once I was back at my hiding place, I grabbed my binoculars from the bag and sat down. The family was having a nice, peaceful dinner in the dining room. I turned my attention to the third floor and cursed at the nearly windowless wall.
Then I sighed. There was only one option if I wanted to see him and make sure he was all right. I'd have to climb all the way up to his balcony. I pointed the binoculars to it. The balcony was about two feet wider than the house, forming a small ledge, and the first-floor roof ended just below it. If I had enough momentum, I could be able to jump high enough to reach the railings of the balcony and climb up. If I missed... I'd slam right in the middle of their driveway, right in front of their door.
I was stupid to even consider it. I'd have to get through their yard to even get to the house, and then climb up. It was risky as hell. I could get caught if I injured myself. I might even break my neck.
But I had to see him.
I made sure the family was still in the dining room before I put the binoculars away. I left the bag in my hiding place and started climbing down the hill, heading towards the vine. I stopped to look around before stepping out of the safety of the forest. There were dim lights everywhere in the yard, and people could see me crossing it if I wasn't careful. I could only hope no one was watching out of the windows when I dashed through the yard and stopped next to the corner of the house.
Without wasting a second, I climbed up the vine and hid behind the corner after reaching the roof. Now I had to get past the bedrooms without getting noticed. I assumed the family was still downstairs, so I started moving. I reached the corner and looked up. The ledge and the railings were right above me, and the driveway below was only one misstep away.
There was absolutely nothing I could use to climb up, so jumping really was my only option. I could only hope my parkour skills were good enough as I backed a little to gain more speed.
I tried not to think about the consequences of failure when I dashed towards the corner, trying to be as fast and quiet as I could. I reached it in a heartbeat and jumped, kicking the wall to get more altitude. I made it! Somehow I actually made it! I held onto the iron pole, hoping the railing was strong enough to hold my weight. I didn't stay there to find out, and quickly pulled myself up and over the railing. I dropped to the floor and hid behind the flowerpots.
I stayed in my hiding place for a while to make sure no one had noticed me, and when I was sure I was safe, I turned my attention to the house.
I'd landed right in front of Jordan's bedroom, and I could see him lying on his bed, reading a book. His hair was in a braid, and he was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a black T-shirt. I sat down behind the flowerpots and stared at him. He was restless as he kept checking his clock and flipping through the pages. Otherwise he seemed fine, and I was glad about it.
I should've left now that I knew he was fine, but I... couldn't. I was being a complete stalker, but I couldn't help it. He was so beautiful, and I just wanted to stare at him. I also wanted to go say hi, but that would've been the stupidest thing I'd ever done.
So I just watched him silently, hiding behind the flowerpots while Jordan read his book, not knowing he was being stalked by the same man whose fault it was that he had fainted.