"Answer me please. Do you love him?" I felt my lower lip trembling while I asked.
She just breathed and closed her eyes. Probably trying to escape from my curious eyes and to find an excuse to divert me in to some different topic.
"Who...are you to ask me about my feelings?" she still had her eyes closed and said it in the calmest way possible.
Who was I.. In the dim ambient, I spared a thought to this dubious topic. Who ever I was, I was definitely thinking about her, for her best. Her puffy eyes were still closed, not brave enough to look up at me.
She can't lie well enough, and she knows that. Her closed eyes symbolizes that she doesn't want to lie.
"Leave. I'll make up a good excuse to Tae. And, about your giving up on Tae... you should've considered that before marrying me." she spoke with good grief on the grudge against me.
Her hair floated a little with the slow breeze, her pale lips now turned to baby pink. As if a feministic power was bestowed on her.
I gulped as I surrendered to her. But still insisted to stay. Not to admit that I missed her goofiness all around the week.
She hated the time span with me. She regretted everything. She can't even outburst to me for that, because it was indeed her personal fault and her personal feelings. The way she is keeing it all inside her, the sick she is getting. And she hates it even more.
I had no last words to that. Instead of walking out of the room, I sat quietly waiting for her to shout at me or throw those pillows at me and kick me out of her room and her life.
She was going through nothing but a lovesickness, no matter how she denies the fact.
*ting*
The phone beeped from the corner of my pocket and it synced with hers as well.
It was a message from Jimin. Her brother.
Jimin: Neon and I are getting married this Wednesday. Hope to see you there. I sent the invitation card to your house.
*No excuse allowed.
My ex brother-in-law texted me for the first time by inviting me on his wedding. Maybe because we had a good connection back in highschool.and I think should...
But fcck that wedding, I was yet to answer her.
She was so focused on her phone texting someone back that I stayed relaxed. Her expressions were readable. Until suddenly..
She suddenly moved up, and slide down from the shallow bed standing up, fisting her hands and making her famous grim face. And most probably muttered something to herself. Her hands took off the needle from her other hand and started walking out.
"Woah woah hold on, where are you going?" I ran after.
I was faster and stood blocking her way with my arms spreading out. She had to stop before colliding into me and looked with disappointment.
"Toilet" She threw a glare to gestured that I should move out of her way.
"Lie" No one taught you how to lie? Its too obvious. She bit her lower lip looking down and breathing out an amount of air admitting her lie.
"Fine. I have to go somewhere, now move."
"Where?"
"To mom."
It must be about the wedding. She probably has an objection about it. I stood guessing as she broke the obstacle and moved from under my arms.
Even if its about her family, she shouldn't leave this early. The wedding is next week, she has a lot of time. No hurries.
She was weak yet fast, I caught her arm to stop and she was not helping.
So I had to toss her on my shoulder and carry her like a sack of rice.
"What the fckk, Jeon..!" she choked on her words. Her punches on my back were like a massage going on. And her butt felt soft towards my hand. She kept saying to let her down but I was abstruse.
Bringing the baby inside, I nicely tucked her to bed.
"How dare you!" She sat up with a loud angry expression. Her eye got red and raged that could eat me alive.
"I can't allow you to leave. You need to rest." I tried to calm her.
"Who are you to..." She again choked on her words and breathed out.
Her expression dimmed down and became similar to grief...by the other second she caught her tummy and groaned. "Ah Ouch.."
Shit. Is it because I carried her or did I tuck her too hard? Why do I always hurt her?
I was so nervous and sorry towards her and couldn't just watch her in pain. That I ran outside to bring a nurse. From the nearest room, I found a nurse. She injected Hyejung a painkiller and that made her fall asleep at a blink.
And I was left with her sleeping self. She slept like an innocent kid, made up of marshmallow. Her hair was now a mess, yet it had a marvelous cinnamon shade in the sunlight. I missed her mischievous side alot. She rarely laughs. A part of her was a secret to me.
I trailed down my finger through her hairline, feeling her marshmallow cheeks on my fingertips.
My heart skipped a beat whrn she unconsciously held my hand with both of hers. Then pulled my hand close to herself, sleeping over it. Her hands warm as ever, but still were strong to pull me close in that sleep.
Swiftly mumbling words that were inaudible to me.
"What?" I asked her to repeat knowing that she wasn't on her conscious-self.
Pulling my face closer to hers, to listen to her rant.
"Stay" Her words were clear enough now. She kept mumbling "please"
Stay?
I clearly felt a warmth gush by me and my heart ached a little. I did want us to stay like this forever. I wanted her to be around me. Its been a habit. She has been my personal plushie for the entire six months.
And I could conclude why I didn't have a sound sleep for over a week. My personal plushie took my sound sleep along with her. Its been a habit of hugging someone to sleep. I mentally admitted to keep her around. but its only possible mentally.
My face still close to her, my breath fell on her cheeks. My lips trembled as I couldn't resist planting a peck on her cheek. My hands were still under arrest. I pulled away with a smile.
"Heyo! Look who's back!" I could hear from behind. Then turned back to see a jolly man dancing in.
"Shush.." I pointed at Hyejung.
He placed a finger on his lips like a child and swiftly kept the container on the table. Then we enjoyed watching a sleeping Hyejung together.
-
"I can't believe they discharged you today. They are supposed to keep you in for a whole week. But they didn't even keep you for a day." Taehyung complained on our way back.
"Its not a big deal, Tae. I'm better than never, so why will I stay in a hospital?" She protested.
"We are here, guys."
I came out of the car and helped her out and closed the door.
"Kookie, I could actually drop you off too." Tae offered as I got out of the car with Hyejung.
"Um, its totally on your opposite route. I'll be fine on my own. Thanks tho." I excused.
We stood there until Tae's car vanished in the dark.
She went in with complete silence and didn't even bother that I went after her. She only noticed me when I stood beside her in the lift.
She probably knocked off the thought that I was going in with her. Probably thought that I going to a different apartment owned by one of my boyfriends.
She didn't care to ask me anything until I started entering her apartment.
"What do you think you are doing?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Babysitting?" I couldn't believe I said that.
She plopped open her shoes and stepped inside. Mumbling "It would be rude but.."
"I don't want you to be here. I actually don't want to bump into you ever again. I hope you leave, before I loose my mind." She warned. But all her words sounded like her soft whispers 'stay'.
Stay.
"I forgot my door key in the office." It was true though. Everything that she used to do for me, made me lazy and spoiled me.
"As if.. Shut up with your nonsense and leave."
"Trust me, I really did forget."
"Go to your mom. Why here?"
I looked down sighing in blue, "they don't want to see me either. After our divorce, they kind of h-hate me."
I was not lying.
She breathed out and looked up to me. Her eyes were more relaxed and her lips pursed inside.
"Stop playing around, and find someone else to help you out. I'm done with helping people."
Her expression said differently.
Stay.
"Ok."
I grinned widely and made myself inside her apartment by pushing her to a side. My smile turned down looking at the whole mess down there.
"What the.." She followed me in. And realized that my excitement went out seeing the state of the living room .
Chips packets nicely carpeting the floor, a pile of soju bottles, plates on which the left over Jjajjangmyeon and spicy rice cakes are rotting.
By the corner vision the sink of the kitchen is seen to be stuffed up with a pile of dishes.
And by the living room table, there were about a half-century of empty cups of cup-noodle of different flavors.
A question arose in my mind watching all this..
Stay?
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hey plushies, I'm here shamelessly writing ffs after failing in my medical entrance exam.
*sighs*
😔😔😥 ..