"Word of advice: bring back the comedian. Or next time, you're going to find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone."
----------
"What you guys don't understand is for us, kissing is as important as any part of it." I shrugged my shoulders and glanced back at the girls.
"Yeah, right. Prove it to me." Joey winked at me, calling me over to him. Chandler reached over and hit his friend upside the head.
"That's my sister." He scoffed before turning back to us. "You're serious?" He asked, referring to the kissing part.
"Oh, yeah." Phoebe nodded her head.
"Absolutely." Monica supported my claim.
"Everything you need to know is in that first kiss." Rachel added.
"I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, you know? It's like the stand–up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out." My brother explained. The four of us shared a look and chuckled.
"Yeah, and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's just that that's...that's not why we bought the ticket." Ross struggled to find the words.
"The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again." Chandler said, making me gag. "I mean we're in the car, fighting traffic. Basically, just trying to stay awake."
"Word of advice: bring back the comedian. Or next time, you're going to find yourself sitting at home listening to that album alone." Rachel nodded her head. I raised my hand back to her, and she high–fived me.
Joey nudged Ross' arm. "Are we still talking about sex?" He whispered to Ross, who gave him a thumbs–up in response.
Ross headed off to the museum, Rachel stayed at the coffee shop since she works there now, and the rest of us went to Monica's apartment.
"I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding." Chandler joked a little.
"Oh, then I've already seen this one." Phoebe picked up the remote and changed the channel. I took a sip of Joey's juice.
"Are you done with that?" She asked but instead of waiting for an answer, she took it away.
"Sorry, the swallowing slowed me down." I glanced back at her. She went over to the kitchen and put the glass in the sink.
"Whose little ball of paper is this?" She asked. Joey stood up and went to the kitchen before coming back with a tissue for me to wipe the juice. I kissed his cheek to say thanks, and he sat down next to me in the arm chair.
"That would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, but then I realized I didn't need the note, so I balled it up...and now I wish I was dead." He trailed off when he saw the look on Monica's face. She grabbed the paper ball before patting the pillow next to Chandler.
"She already fluffed that pillow." Phoebe whispered to us. "Monica you already—" Monica gave Phoebe a look. "But it's fine." She leaned back against the sofa.
"Look, I'm sorry guys. I just don't want to give them any more ammunition than they already have." She looked at the four of us.
"Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a child's pillow." Chandler replied before getting up. I stood up from the chair and went into the kitchen for another glass of juice since Monica took mine away. Phoebe was getting a little scared by Monica's stress.
"Calm down, Mon. You don't see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come." Joey shrugged his shoulders, using Phoebe's words.
"That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong." Monica headed back to the kitchen. "You see, he's a prince. Apparently, they had some big ceremony before I was born." She put a couple of fruits into the bowl on the table.
"Ew ew ew ew ew!" Chandler stood up from his chair and pointed out the window.
"What?" I asked him. Honestly, it was probably nothing to care about.
"Ugly Naked Guy got a thigh master." He looked back at us. We walked over to him to take a look.
"Ew..." We all said at the same time in disgust.
"Has anybody seen my engagement ring?" Rachel peered out thee doorway of her room.
"It's beautiful, we know." Phoebe nodded her head.
"Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God." She stepped out and bend down in front of the sofa, running her hands on top of it.
"No, don't touch that." Phoebe whispered to her.
"Like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough." She ran her hands over the carpet. "Having to give it back to him." She grumbled. "'Hi, Barry. Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil that stomped on your heart in front of your entire family'." She let out sarcastically before groaning. "Now I have to return the ring without the ring which makes it so much harder."
"Easy, Rachel. We'll find it." I pat her shoulder. "Won't we?" I gave Chandler and Joey a look. They immediately stood up and helped her look for it.
"Alright, when did you have it on last?" Joey asked her.
"Probably right before she lost it." Phoebe answered, although I didn't know if it was sarcastic or if that was her real answer.
"No, I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with..." Rachel walked into the kitchen before trailing off.
"Dinah?" Chandler spoke up, making me throw a dish towel at him.
"Oh, don't be mad." Rachel put her hands on the counter while staring at the lasagna.
"You did not." Monica put her hands on here hips.
"I'm sorry." Rachel shook her head.
"I gave you one job." Monica moved the lasagna platter away from her and lifted up to look at the bottom of it.
"But look how straight those noodles are." Rachel tried to lighten up the situation.
"Monica, you know, that's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagna." Chandler walked up to her.
"I just can't do it." She put the lasagna down on the dining table.
"Boys." Chandler looked back at me, Phoebe, and Joey. "We're going in." The four of us dug our hands through the lasagna when Ross walked in. I was trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, but I only caught the last part like the others.
"Carol's pregnant." We all looked over at him.
"Ooh, I found it." Phoebe lifted up the engagement ring, now covered in sauce.
"Kind of puts that whole pillow thing into perspective, huh, Mon?" Chandler chuckled, so I smacked him with my hand that didn't have lasagna all over it.
"How do you fit into this whole thing?" Rachel asked him.
"Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved." Monica had her hands on his back as she led him to sit down. "It's totally up to me, basically.
"She is so great. I miss her." Phoebe said, making all of us look at her.
"Okay, what does she mean by involved?" I washed my hands before walking to them.
"Presumably, the biggest part of your job is done." Chandler replied.
"Anyway, they want me to go down to this sonogram thing with them tomorrow." He explained.
"What are you going to do?" Rachel questioned him.
"I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still going to be a father." He stared at the wall in front of him blankly. We stayed silent but heard clattering noises. We turned around to see Joey eating Monica's lasagna.
"This is still ruined, right?" He was about to take a bite when he noticed us looking at him.
Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and I were at Central Perk, and Monica and Ross joined us after their parents left. Since Rachel now worked at the coffee shop, we were the only ones inside the technically closed cafe.
"Folks are really that bad, huh?" Joey asked the siblings.
"Well, you know, these people are pros." Ross scoffed slightly. "They know what they're doing. They take their time. They get to job done."
"I know they say that you can't change your parents. Boy, if you could, I'd want yours." Monica pointed at Ross. He chuckled and got up, kissing her forehead.
"Must pee." He said before heading to the bathroom.
"It's even worse when you're twins." Phoebe let out a sigh.
"No, it's worse when you have him as a sibling." I pointed at Chandler, whose jaw dropped in shock and slight offense.
"You have a twin?" Rachel furrowed her brows as she continued to wipe down the tables.
"Oh, yeah. But we don't speak. She's this high–powered, drive, career type." Phoebe humphed.
"What does she do?" I tilted my head up from Joey's shoulder.
"She's a waitress." Phoebe answered, making us smile and chuckle a little.
"Alright, guys." Rachel came up to us, moving Chandler's leg over. "I've kind of got to clean up now." We all stood up and headed out the door.
The next day, Rachel came home from her awkward confrontation with Barry, and Ross came home with a tape of the sonogram.
"Isn't that amazing?" We all listened to the heartbeat of the fetus.
"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" Joey furrowed his brows.
"I don't know, but I think it's about to attack the Enterprise." Chandler replied. I walked over and smacked them both on the head.
"Ignore them. They were dropped on their heads when they were babies." The two guys held the back of their heads painfully.
"You know, if you tilt your head to the left and relax your eyes, it kind of looks like an old potato." Phoebe demonstrated for us.
"Then don't do that, alright?" Ross replied. He went over to Monica's side.
"God, I really want one of those." I pointed at the screen.
"Come on, I'll give you one right now." Joey grabbed my hand and tried to take me away.
"That's my sister. Again!" Chandler called out to his best friend.