S1:E9 Shit hit the fan
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"Yeah... tonight's fine." I sat on the counter in the record store as I flipped through the vinyls, listening to Vivian talk to Vanessa on the phone. "We already watched a scary movie, it's my turn to pick." I huffed slightly and grabbed Continuum by John Mayer. "I mean I can.. hey Y/nn?" I raised my head and looked at Viv. "Vanessa asked if you and Loren wanna double date tonight, go see Aladdin?"
Though I've seen that movie probably five times since it's came out, I couldn't turn down a Disney movie. "Sure, I'll call Lo." She gave me a thumbs up and went back on the phone, basically cupcaking with V.
So, they hit it off. I guess they bonded over mainly being used for sex and sex only... which confuses me because I would assume they'd be rabbits by now but according to Vivian, they haven't even been in bed together.
I mean, I didn't care. I did care but I didn't care what they did. They were grown woman and could make their own decisions. I just didn't want anyone to end up hurt.
Which brings me to my own damn problems. I've been with Loren for a month now and still haven't told her about my little buddy. Every time I got around to it, I ended up being interrupted or choking. Literally, this one time I choked on my water when I tried to tell her.
Normally everyone just knew but now.. now I had to literally say it in words. I have a dick. Jesus why was that so hard?
"I'm gonna blast, I gotta catch Loren at the coffee shop." I said to Viv and hopped off of the counter, raising up the Vinyl. "Forgot my wallet in the car, I'll PayPal you." She gave me a thumbs up and wrote what I bought on a sheet of paper so she wouldn't get in trouble for it.
I slid the vinyl into my backpack before sliding into my truck and starting to the coffee shop down the road.
I planned this to be when I told her. I didn't want her to find out from someone else and think I was hiding it or ashamed of it because I wasn't. I wouldn't lie, my little dude was pretty impressive.
When I reached the cafe, I saw the car (she barely drove) parked in front so I knew she was either super tired, or sick. Or both.
I left my backpack inside of the truck and climbed out, heading into the coffee shop. I spotted her sitting by the window, typing on her laptop with two coffees in front of her. A smile plagued my lips as I quickly and quietly slid in besides her. "This seat taken?" I said in a deep voice and she jumped harshly, eyes wide.
"You're so annoying." She groaned out and slapped my shoulder. I chuckled and pecked her lips before moving to the other side of the booth to face her. "I got your favorite." I groaned happily when she pushed the coffee over to me.
"You're an Angel, thank you." I took a sip and hummed at the caramel mocha. "So, Vivian and Vanessa are going to the movies tonight and wanna double date, you down?"
She shrugged before nodding. "Sure. I'm finishing my essay now so I should be free."
I smiled and slowly nodded, feeling my palms become sweaty as the words started to reappear in my mind. Just say it. Get it over with. I breathed out nervously and raised my head to see her still typing. "Hey Loren, I need to tell you something."
She suddenly raised her head, taking off her glasses. "Oh my God.. you're pregnant?" I rolled my eyes as she giggled playfully while putting her glasses back on. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm listening."
I rubbed down my face at her little joke that temporarily made me lose confidence to continue. "Okay uh.. so I wasn't born like most girls," I started, avoiding her gaze at all cost. "I was being with an extra chromosome which made me develop some....abnormalities. I was raised as a um as a boy until I was around seven. I started to get features of a girl and my hair was always growing and different than the boys. Then I started to get boobs and my mom took me to the doctor."
I looked up and saw she wasn't looking at me either. Oh there goes the fucking confidence. I shook it off and kept going. "So I- I got tested and I was proved to be intersex. I identify as a female but I was born with a penis and I can reproduce and all that but yeah.. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I gulped down to dry to moisten my dry throat.
"So.. you have a dick?" She questioned and finally met my eyes. I nodded. "If you're a girl, why didn't you get it removed?" My heart dropped as she took a sip of her coffee nonchalantly. "I mean, they do have those kinds of surgeries right?"
"Uh y-yeah but I didn't want it." I breathed out in confusion as my hand started to shake in fear, fear of being judged all over again like this was high school.
"Why not?" She questioned with furrowed eyebrows. "I know I would get it off if I identified as a female so it wouldn't be confusing."
I gulped down and felt my eyes start to water. And here I thought she would accept me for who I was. "I um I have to go." I grabbed the coffee and slid it over to her. "Thank you. I'll catch you later." I spoke in a rush before standing up and quickly starting out.
"Y/nn," she called after me but I ignored her and hopped into my truck before flooring it out of there.
My hands shook at the wheel as I huffed out in annoyance and slight pain. Who the hell is she to tell me why I didn't get it removed. That's like me... fuck I couldn't think of an analogy I was so heated. I couldn't tell if I was mad or sad but it was something.
I heard my phone ring and I ignored it, knowing it was Loren trying to get me to come back.
Once I reached my dorm, I stormed inside and ignored practically everyone without meaning to. I was just so fucking-
"Annoyed with all these fuckboys, like ew." I looked up and saw Nylah walking out with Vanessa by her side. "Oh hey, I thought you were out with Loren." Ny said and I rolled my eyes. "Oop... trouble in paradise?"
"Whatever." I huffed out and walked passed them. I pulled out my dorm keys and shoved them into the hole but it wasn't the right key. "Fucking hell." I groaned and used every damn key before it ended up being the last one.
"What did that door knob do to you?" I looked over my shoulder at Vanessa and huffed before turning back around. "Sassy Susan, what crawled up your dick hole?"
"Told Loren I had a dick, she wasn't very pleased." I pushed my dorm open and saw Ash here for a change, typing on her computer.
"Sup loser." She mumbled and looked over the top of her computer. "Oh shit, are you about to shoot up the school?"
I stopped for a moment and stared at her in confusion before shaking my head and continuing to walk to my bed and pull out my duffle bag. "I'm gonna go to the cages for a bit, alright? Don't wait up." I mumbled. I could hear Vanessa and Ashlynn whispering to one another quietly, probably talking about what got me so not like.. me.
I changed, not caring if they saw, into some basketball type shorts and a cut off T-shirt before I draped my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the dorm room, only to come face to face with who I was running from.
"Y/n let me explain." She rushed out but I ignored her and kept walking. "I didn't mean to sound insensitive. I wasn't trying to question you, I was just curious."
"Mhm." I mumbled.
"Babe I don't care about your problem-" I spun around quickly and huffed.
"Problem? My problem?" She fell silent and shook her head slowly. "If it was a problem, I wouldn't have kept it for nineteen years! And if it's a problem to you, this isn't going to work." She dropped her head and I nodded, having my answer. "Great. As nice and sweet and cute as you are, you're kind of an asshole, Loren."
I pulled the strap of my duffle bag up and kept walking out of the dorm building, tossing my bag into the back of my truck. When I turned around, I saw Vanessa climbing into the passenger seat.
My eyebrows furrowed but got in and looked at her in confusion. "Can't let you drive angry by yourself. It causes accidents." She simply said and plugged her phone into the aux. "You know Nas? I think he'll be good to get you outta your head for a bit."
I nodded as she played a song while I backed out of the parking spot just as Loren walked out. We made eye contact but I looked away and started down the road. Away from this entire damn situation.
-
I shrugged my shoulders as the ball came off my bat with a satisfying clink. I've been here for probably forty minutes now, just swinging all my thoughts away.
"I don't understand how you do that." Vanessa sighed out from behind the fence. "You just look so effortless when you do it.. how?"
I chuckled and stopped the machine. "Come here." I beckoned, taking off the helmet. She stepped in and closed the gate behind her, walking towards me slowly. "Let me see what you got." I slipped the helmet onto her head with a smirk before tapping it twice and stepping back, handing her the bat as I started the machine. She stood in the batters box with determination on her face but when the ball shot out, she swung way too hard and way too late. She ended up smacking herself into the back of the head with the bat. Thank God for helmets.
I chuckled and quickly turned off the machine when she groaned. "Hey that's okay, you have a really good swing." She pushed up the lopsided helmet and glared at me. "Alright look," I grabbed the bat again and stood opposite her. "Square up with the plate. Keep the weight on your back foot and step towards the ball with your left." She huffed and nodded, getting into the stance I told her but she still looked a little off.
So, I stood behind her and pulled her elbows up and out a bit, then shifted her hips to be wider. "Alright, now when you swing the bat, keep it leveled. Don't cut at it, just be smooth." I mumbled into her ear and I watched her nod slowly, a soft shaky breath leaving her lips when I pulled away. I went back to the other side and crouched down as I watched her stare ahead. The ball the shot out and she swung and missed but got right back into the position I told her.
The second ball came out and she swung with all her might and she hit the ball, making a pretty damn good ground ball. "Ah!" She screamed and dropped the ball which made me cringe but I also smiled at her happy state. "Did you see that?! I hit it!"
I nodded and stood up when he ran forward and jumped on me happily. "I saw it! You smacked the shit out of it, Nessa." I laughed out and hugged her back as she squealed. We slowly pulled back, arms still around one another, as she stared into my eyes with a happy glow. I smiled back and found myself getting lost in that sea of green and golden flakes like the first night we met. But this time... the feeling was stronger.
Her eyes flicked down to my lips and I did the same. Simultaneously, I saw our heads moving in when
"Hey guys, we're closing soon." We both jumped apart and I cleared my throat and nodded at the young looking worker.
"Y-yeah, Thanks Pete." He nodded, half awake as he walked away.
I looked back at Vanessa and she was looking around, avoiding my eyes and I was lowkey doing the same.
After gathering the bat and helmet, I led us out and handed it in to the front desk, then walked out to the truck.
"Thanks for coming with." I mumbled while I drove down the road. I looked over briefly and saw her smiling. "I probably would still be wanting to scream if you didn't so.. yeah, thanks."
"No problem. What are friends for, right?" She spoke out softly and looked out of the window.
I trailed my eyes back to the road and nodded, feeling my chest get a weird tight feeling as I replied, "Right."
-
After I showered and changed, I heard a knock on my door just as I was about to get into bed. I groaned and trudged over to open it and when I did, I wish I hadn't.
"Wait don't close it." She said quickly with her hands behind her back. "Please."
"What do you want Loren?" I sighed out.
She moved her hands forward and showed one holding three sunflowers and the other hand holding a bag of Bakers, our local hamburger joint. Though that delicious smell swam around me, I tried to be strong.
"Cool, you done now?" I questioned monotonously and she frowned. "Food and flowers isn't going to make anything better Loren.."
"It did for me, I just assumed.." she looked down for a moment in thought before gasping. "Right, I almost forgot. I'm sorry." I cocked an eyebrow. "I don't care about what you have. I didn't react well because I was just shocked and I never dealt with that before but.. I like you, all of you. I understand if you want to break up.."
I looked away from her sad, puppy looking eyes and huffed. "You made me feel like shit, you know? You don't know how many times I've been questioned on why I didn't get it removed and to hear it from.. from you. That shit hurt." She nodded understandably. "I don't know how to get over that."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you because you really do make me happy and I never want to make you feel that way about yourself because you're perfect." A small smile crossed my lips and she handed me the flowers and food. "I'll give you time to think."
She slowly backed away with a forced grin and turned to walk away. I watched her for a a moment before leaning against doorway with a smirk. "There's one way you can make it up to me.." she quickly stopped and spun around with smile.
"Name it." She said immediately.
"I can take you wonder by woooonderrr." I sung as quietly as I could as I watched the couple fly on the magic carpet. Ugh I loved Disney shit.
"Shut up!" Vivian hissed from the spot diagonal of us.
I pouted and Loren grabbed my cheeks, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. "You can sing as much as you want, baby." I smiled at her softly and gave her a deeper kiss before pulling back and looking forward, only to see a pair of green eyes looking back at me subtly.
I stared back at her silently then saw her visibly sigh and turn around. I furrowed my eyebrows and sighed as well before looking at the big screen. The same weird tightness from earlier reappearing.
What the fuck was this feeling?
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