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"It looks like it hurts." I swallow down the lump in my throat at I feel my body tense up.
The man looks at me and sits up next to me with a soft smile.
"That's what everybody thinks before their first. The truth is, it's not that bad."
"I know, I think it's just..." I sigh. "I don't know."
"You don't think you're ready?"
I nod my head a little bit.
"I mean.. this is important to me. I've been wanting to do this for so long but I guess it's just the commitment I have trouble with. It'll be with me forever. The memory, the feeling. It'll be there until I die. That's a thought, you know?"
He nods.
"I completely understand what you mean. I felt the same way. I actually put it off for I think three months because I was afraid of that same thing. But one day I realized that it was what I wanted. It wouldn't be such a bad thing because it brings meaning into somebody's life. Whether it's a small significance or a larger significance, it's important to you, that is really all that matters. Some say the pain is worth it, big pain or small. So think to yourself. Are you ready to make that sacrifice yet? Is this really that important to you? Because if it is, just do it. Because one day you'll realize just how important it is and you'll regret not doing it. Who knows." He chuckles. "Maybe you'll be too old."
Chuckling at his joke, I think about what he's saying. He's right. If this is important to me, then of course I'll do it. It doesn't take me long to make a decision. I look at him and nod.
"Yes then." I say. "I'm ready."
He smiles. "That's good. Face those fears because if you don't, they'll never go away. Now you can lay back down."
I obey his request and lie down, taking a deep breath.
"Let's just take a minute to relax here and wait for-"
Cutting him off, a flushing noise comes from the door down the hall. Shortly after, the door opens to reveal a tall, tanned man who has a silly grin on his face.
"Ready?" He asks plopping down on the chair next to me.
"Yeah.." I say, but it comes out as barely a whisper.
He looks at the man next to me, smirking.
"Scared?"
"Oh shut up, Seho." I shake my head and he grins.
The man next to me chuckles. "A little."
"Alright, Y/n." He turns back to me. "I know it'll be hard to trust this hearing from me, but it really isn't that bad."
"That's 'cause you already have like five."
"Six, first of all and no. I'm saying it because it really isn't that bad."
The artist looks at me. "It really depends on where you get it. When it's closer to a bone, that's when it gets more sensitive, but this part of your arm is mostly muscle, so it won't be that bad. Just a little, pretty much painless pricks."
"He's not wrong." The boy next to me shrugs.
I exhale softly.
"I get what you mean. I'm just a little freaked out since I don't know what it's really like yet. Unknown. But I'm ready, I'm not backing out. This is.. important." I say and smile a little.
The door opens once again and another man enters the room. He has two full sleeves and what looks like his neck with at least the top of his chest inked up. He has piercings on his brows and up his ears. There's even one on his lip that slides with every movement of his mouth. He doesn't look very friendly.
"We ready here?" He asks in a gruff voice.
"Yup. Just waiting for you." My artist says, removing the stencil from my arm, leaving a temporary, purple wing on my arm. I stare at it in awe. It really is beautiful.
"Just sit back and relax." He nods and picks up his needle. I look to my left. Seho removed his whole shirt, whereas I just moved the sleeve of my t-shirt.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to extend mine a little onto my back." He says, turning his body to face me while his artist gets on his right side where he has full access to his back and arm.
"Bold." I grin.
"I know." He laughs a little and I hear the needle buzzing beside me. I chew my lip and tense a little. I feel a hand grab mine. He reached across from his place.
"Hey. You'll be fine." He gives me a reassuring smile and I instantly relax.
"Thanks, Seho.." I look down, confused.
Something feels off.. I don't know what it is, but everything feels... wrong.
"Hey." Seho snaps in front of me. "What's wrong?"
I scrunch my eyebrows together.
"I don't know. I think déjà vu or something. Feels like I've already lived this."
He gasps dramatically.
"Do you secretly have a tattoo already?"
"You're not funny." I roll my eyes. "I don't know... it's fine. Let's do this."
I feel a cool sensation on my arm and a hand grip my arm.
"Alright, I'm ready to start. Let me know if it gets too painful and you need a break."
I let out a nervous breath.
"Okay."
Seho's eyes meet mine and crinkle when he smiles.
"See you on the other side, grandma."
I smile, closing my eyes until the sting connects with my skin, punching in the first droplet of ink.
*********
My eyes open slowly and I smile.
"You're right, it doesn't hurt. I can't even feel it." I chuckle.
But wait... the room is dark now.
And I don't feel anything on my arm at all. Seho is gone. Where is everyone?
A wave of realization comes over me. Tears sting my eyes.
It wasn't real.
Where am I? I turn my head but don't recognize where I am.
What happened?
Then the memories hit me like a ton of bricks.
The boys.
I jolt up, but white hot pain rips through my whole body, causing me to cry out.
I touch my head and it pounds, bringing tears in my eyes.
"Fuck.." I mumble, but it comes out more as a croak. Everything hurts so bad.
I look around more clearly.
It's a white room. Very white. It's still decently bright since the lights are off. Even my clothes are white. I look at my body. Bandages are on my arms and I feel more on the rest of my body. There's a nightstand on my left, a glass vase sitting there.
But where am I?
All I remember is Namjoon sitting by the car. I fought with Hyunsoo... I lost miserably. After that, thinks get fuzzy. My eyes widen. He didn't take me did he?
As painful as it is, I have to push myself up into a sitting position. Something tugs on my arm and I growl, ripping out the IV's out of my arm. I try to stand using the nightstand beside my bed, but my legs give out and I fall to the ground, taking a glass object with me, which shatters on impact. Shards stick into my skin, causing blood to surface. I cover my face, but feel a piece fly into my arm as I land on a long shard on my thigh. I hear the lock of a door click and panic.
Sliding under the bed, I grab a piece of broken glass and grip it between my fingers, but I can barely move. Footsteps approach and I watch them get closer.
I push through the pain and slowly move down and behind them, making sure they don't notice me. Using all my willpower, I push myself to my feet. He's much taller than I thought. Unsteady, I limp over, the glass going into my foot. I wince and they notice my presence, but I'm too quick for them and grab them, putting the glass on their throat.
"Shh." I hiss.
"Hey..." he says softly. "Just put it down."
"Where am I?" I say.
"Y/n calm down. You're safe. Just put it down and let me explain."
"Take me." I growl, dragging him back and turning him toward the door. "Take me to Hyunsoo."
"What? Hyuns-" But I cut him off by pressing the glass and nicking his throat.
"Speak again, I dare you." I snarl into his ear. "Walk."
I push him forward and he takes me down a hall. It's not white. It's warm colours. Browns and dark reds. He brings me down and into an elevator.
He's practically my crutch. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be able to walk. The piece in my thigh is throbbing and making it harder to move.
He clicks floor five out of six. I get nervous as it moves. I don't know what waits for me on the other side. It could be a trap for all I know. As we move, one of my legs give out, but I quickly recover, putting more weight onto him.
"Listen.." he speaks cautiously. "You're suffering a severe concussion right now. You've been asleep for two days and your body is badly damaged. We need you to rest before it gets worse."
"What did I say about talking?" I grip the glass in my hand tighter and he puts his hands up.
"Okay."
The elevator dings and I tense up, ready for anything. It opens.
Nothing.
Just another hallway, double doors at the end, glass but tinted. More doors are on the sides. Also glass. It looks like an office. I push him forward and he leads me straight toward the double doors. Voices can be heard from the inside.
"We're already down two. We can't risk any more of you right now-"
He taps the door and the voices stop.
"Damn it, who is it?" A gruff voice barks.
He looks at me and I nod.
"It's Chanyeol." He calls out.
"I told you this is a private meeting. Get back to your fucking post!"
Chanyeol looks down as he receives the order.
I shake my head impatient and turn slightly, kicking the handle of the door. It swings open and I storm in, holding the glass tighter against the Chanyeol's throat. Everybody's heads snap toward me. The man at the end looks up angrily, but his eyes widen when he sees us.
"I just want Hyunsoo. Nobody has to get hurt!" I shout, but something catches my eye.
I freeze. The glass falls out of my hand and I loosen my grip on Chanyeol.
"Jin?" I whisper as I see the boy standing up. I look around. Everybody is there. Their faces lift when they see me.
Jin suddenly sprints over to me and I let Chanyeol go as his body crashes onto mine, wrapping his arms around me. It hurts like hell, but I don't care. I let out a sob and my legs give out. I cry into his shoulder and his chest bounces as if he is too.
"I thought we lost you." His voice shakes and he hugs me tighter, hurting me.
"Ow, ow." I mumble and he lets go.
"Shit, sorry." He loosens his arms and looks at me, smiling. "You have no idea how happy we are to see you up and around."
A vivid memory slashes into my mind. The fight between Hyunsoo and I. Namjoon bleeding to death on the floor. I don't know if he made it.
"Namjoon?" I ask, looking around, but Jin sighs, looking at the others. They all wear the same expression with their heads down.
"He's okay right?" The words burn my throat.
"I'll tell you later." Jin squeezes my shoulder.
"Move, you have to give us a turn too." I hear a voice beside me. I look and see Jimin there, tears brimming his eyes. Well eye. His left eye is swollen shut. His face is bruised and he has a fat lip. Nevertheless, I smile and he opens his arms. I let go of Jin and hug him.
"Back from the dead. I like it." He chuckles and I feel my chest tighten. What does he mean? He pulls away and kisses my forehead. "God I missed you."
Jimin pulls away and looks me over. "Jesus what happened to you? You're bleeding."
I look down. The white clothes are stained red where the glass stuck.
"I fell."
"I'll look at it after." He says, embracing me again. "I'm glad you're okay."
Yoongi stands behind Jimin and our eyes meet. I let go of Jimin and Yoongi grabs my hand to steady me. "Can't be awake for a minute without putting yourself in danger huh?" He jokes and I shrug.
"I guess." He smiles and hugs me, rubbing my lower back.
"Welcome back."
I don't even have time to see him before Hobi hugs me from behind. It hurts, but I push through it.
"Ahhh my Y/n always hurting herself. Be more careful before I wrap you in bubble wrap."
I laugh a little.
Jungkook steps up, but when I walk to him, one of my legs collapse, but he catches me quickly, grinning with his bunny smile.
"I think it's safe to say that you lost the walking contest." He jokes and I grin.
"Just give me a few hours."
I look around and realize someone else is missing. I crinkle my eyebrows together.
"Where's Taehyung?"
Jungkook chews his lip.
"He's okay. But he couldn't come because it's hard for him to move. He needs rest." Jungkook whispers.
My mind goes back to that night. My stomach churns at the memory of Taehyung being forced down to the ground bloodied and weak from being attacked by dogs.
"Oh.."
I look to the end of the table at the man who has been sitting there silently the whole time. Our eyes meet and I try to move toward him. But I'm too weak. Jungkook wraps his arm around my waist, letting me use him as support. The man stands up and extends his hand.
"Hello Y/n. I'm Mr. Min." He says and I nod.
"Nice to meet you, sir." I try to bow, but it hurts too much.
"And you. I see you're up and around."
"What happened?" I ask.
"I'm sure you have lots of questions." Mr. Min nods. "And I intend to answer them all in given time, but first I think we should go back to your room. We need to get you cleaned up and have our medics look you over."
"But... at least answer this."
He nods. "Go ahead."
"Where is Hyunsoo?" I ask, my voice suddenly dark.
Mr. Min sighs and I narrow my eyes at him.
"He got away. Our men followed in his direction, but he got away. Nobody has seen him anywhere. Not even his own town. He's off the grid."
I suck in a huffed breath and close my eyes.
He's gone. Who knows if he'll ever come back. I missed my chance.
"We have people all over the country. The second somebody sees something, you'll be the first to know. Now come. We need to build your strength up. You look paler than my own son over there."
Yoongi shoots his father a look and I grin.
"Chanyeol," he calls past me. I turn to see the boy still there. He raises his head, ready to take orders. "Go get a wheelchair for Y/n."
"I'm fine taking her." Jungkook says from beside me, still holding me up.
"Thank you, but I'd prefer her to be sitting. I don't want to risk straining anything."
Jungkook nods.
"Yes sir."
A few seconds later, Chanyeol returns rolling a wheelchair toward me. He pushes the brakes down and Yoongi helps Jungkook sit me down. I wince as they let me down slowly.
When I sit, I groan in pain.
"Shit, did I hurt you?" Jungkook asks.
"No it's not you. My body just hurts."
"From my understanding you got into a few rumbles the other night?" Mr. Min asks as we begin to move. Jungkook pushes my chair while Mr. Min stands beside me. Jin and Jimin walk in front of us. They both have a gun holstered onto their hips, visible under the hem of their t-shirts. But then I notice their arms are strange. Holding something bigger. I watch Jimin carefully and my eyebrows raise when I see what they're really holding.
Look like AK-47's. I look behind me. Hoseok and Yoongi are side by side holding the same weapon. In the back, that Chanyeol guy is alone, talking on an earpiece. Same thing. I look at Jungkook and notice a strap around him and the same gun on his back.
"Y/n?" Jungkook tilts his head.
I shake my head.
"Sorry. What did you say?"
"I said from my understanding you got into a few fights."
"Oh um.. yeah."
"How many? I'm curious."
"Um.. I think only three." I say.
"I see. Jin said at one point he found you. Was that the first?"
"No. The second. When we were first attacked, Namjoon and I tussled with one."
"Is that when he got shot?"
I raise my hand, telling Jungkook to stop. He stops and I look at Mr. Min.
"Why are you asking me all of this?"
"I'm just trying to get the story straight."
"Then help me get this straight. What the hell do you want from me?" At this point everybody had stopped moving. They all look at me nervously like I just dug my own grave.
"I told you that we'll talk about those things once we get you looked over. For now, I need to understand what happened in full and your story is probably the most valid one that I need. Now I'll ask the questions, Y/n." He says in a firm tone, staring me down.
I hold his gaze, but give in. I look back ahead. We all start to move again.
"Fine. When we were attacked first, he was shot, yes, but he was skinned on his shoulder. It's not where the major gunshot came from. About an hour before you found us, I lead Hyunsoo to the river. I guess Namjoon figured out where I was going. He grabbed me and tried to bring me away, but Hyunsoo just arrived."
I close my eyes and sigh at the memory.
"He was shot from a distance. Neither of us saw it coming."
Jimin glances over and his shoulders hang a little.
"Hm. Okay."
"Where is he now?"
"What did I just say about questions?"
"Please. Is he at least alive?"
Mr. Min sighs.
"Is he alive?" I ask again.
"Yes. He is. But he's not stable. He's been in critical condition for days. We keep doctors sleeping in the room because he's so unstable. It's getting better, but we still don't trust leaving him alone."
I just stop talking. I look down at the floor, unmoving.
Guilt rips through me from the inside out.
This is my fault. He could die any second and it's all my fault.