Your Veracity by bangtanxsonyeontan
Review by asakayu
IMPRESSION BEFORE READING
I thought the cover was really nice. Jimin's "Lie" is one of my favorites, so that might be a little biased, but regardless, it is cohesive with your description since the setting is in the hospital, so good job.
The font used for the quote is a little unappealing and isn't very cohesive, so I would fix that.
AFTER READING
The plot was a little all-over-the-place, which I will get into later when I address Focuses.
One thing that authors often forget is to put dialogue in a new paragraph when another person is speaking. You remembered to do that, which is good.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
If you put an independent clause together with a dependent clause (which is basically a complete phrase and an incomplete phrase), you separate them with a comma. When you put two independent phrases together, however, you would use a colon or semi-colon.
Comma splices are pretty much when you put commas where they don't belong. I noticed a few of those, so I would make sure your sentences are free of commas where they aren't needed.
Another thing I noticed right away was your past and present tense. You never really settled on which one to use, and I would see them both being used in sentences, such as:
But there was obviously a reason for the silent treatments they both received, it is because he knows that Cheonsa is busy with her summer job.
The "was" and "received" indicates that it's past tense, but the "is" and "knows" indicates that it's present tense, which was confusing.
FOCUSES
First Impression
I think the definition of "veracity" in the description isn't really needed. Descriptions should be concise and inform you what the book is about. I think leaving the quote as it is and the sentence underneath serves its purpose without the definition. Also, I do think you should split the sentence into two because the semi-colon isn't needed there. So it would be:
In which a bright and optimistic girl meets a guy while visiting her brother at the hospital. As time goes by, his secrets start to unravel.
I noticed this throughout your book too. Make sure your sentences aren't run-on and you don't add punctuation where it isn't necessary. Vice versa; add punctuation where it is necessary.
Plot
I found your book a little all-over-the-place. I was waiting for the backstory on why Hoseok was admitted, but I thought you could've brought it in a little earlier in the story because it felt a bit randomly placed.
Another thing that was unclear was the sudden news that Hoseok was dying in two months, and this was randomly brought up by Cheonsa in her head when she was talking to Jimin. It was even more confusing after hearing that was the time they've been there, not their death date?
One thing that was a little out-of-nowhere was the introduction of Jungkook's character. He was regarded as an important figure in Cheonsa's life but there was no recollection of him in previous chapters. Remember to slowly bring up a character, mention them a few times before they make their big appearance.
Your ending is definitely a twist, which I applaud you on, but I wanted to see more about Cheonsa. How her life unfolds without Jimin and her stages of grief. It ended very abruptly and I was left wondering what would happen to her.
ADVICE
If you ever plan to rewrite the book, I would go in and add in more foreshadowing and more details. Remember, show, don't tell. Cut back on dialogue and make sure you describe more of your story.
In addition, make sure to proofread and keep your tenses consistent.
ENDING NOTE
Your concept is really good, though it may be a bit cliché, I think you executed it well. You don't have many plot holes so I would just work on adding more to your story and just grammatical and technical editing.
It was a good read though! With a little improvement, you'll be golden!
We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, asakayu, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!