Insanity by SexyPJimimie
Review by ARILEZX
IMPRESSION BEFORE READING
Let's start with the title.
Was it related to the plot? Definitely
Was it eye-catchy and unique? No
Cover
I could see what you were trying to accomplish through that whole 'faded effect', but I don't really think it came out neat and tidy.
Description
I am a big fan of short descriptions tbh, but that one line was a tad bit too short.
A little more maybe? Dialogues perhaps?
AFTER READING
The first chapter was a disappointment for me.
Despite you trying to set the whole mood of the story, you couldn't really make it interesting. The chapter was bland and dull.
The repetition of the line 'I hate handsome boys' was no good either.
The main protagonist was a real bummer. Perhaps you were trying to make her somewhat mysterious or intriguing, but to me, she was more of a background character.
Also, this whole 'the-book-she-reads-somewhat-comes-alive' scenario was really sudden. And not in a good way either.
Readers could get divided thinking that either she was not mentally fit or this was basically 'Inkheart' coming alive case.
I, myself, was confused (but was pleasantly surprised later on lol).
The pace was very uneven, but the PoV usage was good (:
FOCUSES
Characters.
They were a dragging point of your story.
Both the main protagonists were, to put it simply, lifeless. You did try to put forward their views and emotions through stimulating quotes and descriptions, but it didn't quite work out that way.
Their actions were impulsive, their words jumbled, emotions were absent, and their personality development was abrupt.
Plot
I am don't wanna spoil the book for future readers, so I'll get straight to the point.
The beginning.
As your story progressed, your plot definitely picked up the thrill. But as a potential reader (and not a reviewer), I would have been sorely tempted to exit the book right after the first chapter.
Why?
Because it was a mess. The whole chapter was downright cliché, and it really put me off from reading it further on. Plus, there were many unnecessary details in it.
Writing Style
Aside from the errors related to grammar and punctuations, your style was good.
I could see the effort you put in your chapters through the variety of quotes and descriptions, but not all managed to hit the mark.
ADVICE
Characters
You should plan out everything before publishing it.
° For starters, you can begin by putting yourself in their shoes and thinking of what should be done or said in the given situation.
° Enriching your vocabulary would be an asset
Plot
° Build up your suspense from the beginning.
° Seeing as this plot is quite a lengthy one, keep adding cliffhangers to keep the potential readers engaged.
° Construct your plot in such a manner that readers find it easy to connect with. Like adding examples from your daily life, your experiences etc.
Writing Style
° Enrich your vocabulary. A handful of new words will always help in reflecting your thoughts better.
° Keep reading.
Read works of other users and notice their stand on various topics and situations.
Take note of how they structure their sentences and build up their characters.
Cover
It's entirely up to you if you want to change it. It's a matter of personal preference.
I may not like it, but others may.
Don't let my words affect your likings.
ENDING NOTE
You have great potential within yourself. Never stop writing♡
I am really sorry if I was a bit too harsh on you; I was just trying to help you <3
We remind you to credit us, thebtswriters, and your reviewer, ARILEZX, in the description of your story for giving you a review. Thank you for requesting!