Lilly Jennings
Carl has been acting weird sense we got back. I don't know what is going on. He keeps saying he's fine, but I don't believe him. Something is wrong and I wish he would tell me. He's distant, but also doesn't want to let go of me or Judith. We spent the whole day with her. I didn't mind it, but it wasn't just Carl being a big brother and watching Judith it just felt, different.
Carl's been up in his room when he's not with me and Judith. He says he's fine but I really don't believe it. He locks the door. He never does that. I don't know what's going on with him, it scares me. He won't tell me anything. Other than 'I'm fine'.
It's late now. I'm helping Carl bring food to Siddiq, when Michonne walks up to us.
"Carl, Lilly." She says. "I've been looking for you. We're about ready to head out. What are you doing?"
"We're helping someone." Carl answers. "A traveler."
"In the sewer?"
There's then a big clanging sounds coming from the front gate. We all look in that direction.
"you may be wondering why the hell your lookouts didn't sound the alarm." Comes Negan's voice, sounds like it's coming from a megaphone or something. "See, we are polite. I mean, I don't know when they're gonna wake up from that kinda shot, but they should wake up. So let's just cut through the cow shit, you loose. It's over. So you're gonna line up in front of your little houses, and you're gonna work up some apologies, and then the person with the lamest one is gonna get killed." I grab onto Carl's hand. "Then I kill Rick in front of everybody, and we move on. You have three, count 'em, three minutes to open this gate, or we start bombing the shit out of you!"
"They got out." Michonne says.
"Come on." Carl says to me and Michonne and we follow him as we hear Negan whistling. "Michonne, come on!" We run over to where everyone else is. Carl start to grab stuff from the truck. "You need to make it look like we're escaping out back. Get to the woods, halfway to the quarry, and cut the lights. Get enough of a lead in them, hit them, and get away on foot. You know where we'll be. Just have to get the guns, get everyone else here, and we'll meet you there." Carl tells Rosita.
"two minutes, people!" Negan says. "Dig deep. I want these apologies to be memorable. Bonus points for creativity. Work up a poem, sing a song. I love that shit."
"Get going. There's gonna be people in the infirmary. They're gonna need your help."
"Look we got guns." Tara says, "We can fight them."
"We will, but not now. Carl's right." Rosita says.
"Carl, we can't just let them have this place." Michonne says.
"We can." Carl says. " All you need to do is survive tonight. This is my show. You said it. This is my plan, and you're gonna do it. You're all gonna do it. So let's go!"
Carl grabs my hand and we run.
"Are you sure about this?" I ask.
"positive." he answers.
"one minute!" negan yells. "one minute!"
Everyone is running around. Getting to their place's.
"Carl, please be safe." I tell him before we go separate ways.
"I'll try. I can't promise anything." He tells me. He then places his lips on mine. "I love you Lilly, don't forget that."
"I won't."
I watch him run to the lookout and climb up the ladder. I run to him and wait by the lookout. I can't leave him alone.
"okey-dokey. Brought this on yourself, Rick. See, I was willing to work with you. All you had to do was follow a few very simple rules. Now... Well, now I see that you got to go. Scorched earth, you dick!" I hear Negan say,
"He's not home." Carl says.
"Holy Shit! Everybody hold your fire. It's Carl." My heart stops a little hearing Negan say his name. I knew this is what he was doing, but It still scared me. "Look at you. Answering the door like a big boy. I am so proud. Daddy's not home, huh? Well, I guess he's gonna get back to a big old smokey surprise."
"There's families in here. Kids. My little sister."
"Well, that shit just breaks my heart. There's kids at the Sanctuary. You must've seen 'em. Even had a little baby at one of the outposts. I wonder what happened to her. None of this shit's fair, kid. Hell. you know that. You had to kill your own mom. That is screwed up." I start to climb up the ladder. Hoping no one sees me. "Ergo, we need someone in charge who's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that shit doesn't happen. Oh. Wait. That's me."
"Bad stuff does happen, but we can figure this out. We can stop this." I get to the top and sit against the wall looking up at Carl.
"Oh, now you want to talk? See, your dad had it that I die no matter what. He gave my people a choice. Not me." I see tears in Carl's eyes. I want to grabs his hand but I can't let anyone know i'm right here. "Now we're gonna need a new understanding. Apologies, punish..."
"Kill me." I go wide eyed and grab onto what ever I could of him. He knew I was here now. Everything was silent.
"What did you say?"
"If you have to kill someone, if there has to be punishment, then kill me. I'm serious."
"You wanna die?"
"No, I don't. But I will. It's gonna happen. and if... if me dying could stop this, if it can make things different, for us, for you, for all those other kids, it'd be worth it. I mean, was this the plan? Was it supposed to be this way? Is this who you wanted to be?"
I hear the cars start to leave then gun fire. Carl gets down and helps me down with him.
"Son of a bitch Carl!" Negan tells. " Was that just a play? I thought we were having a moment, you little asshole! Bombs away!"
The bombs start coming in Carl falls off the ladder and gets up and helps me down. Then a bomb hits the solar panels.
"Lilly, come on!" Carl says and takes a smoke grenade and throws them. I see he's walking with a limp. The church blows up in front of us. "Lilly, go to the sewer." Carl tells me.
"I'm not leaving you out here! You're gonna get killed." I say.
"I don't want you to die. Please Lilly go!"
"No. I'm staying with you."
He signs and hands me smoke grenades. We run together to the sewer. Leaving smoke behind us. It looks like it should be there because of the fire from the bombs. I can tell Carl is getting tired. More tired than usual. I think something happened to him when we were out today. We see other people spreading the smoke bombs. He goes and leans against a house. I hold his arm asking do he's okay. We then here something enter the house and run while the house blows up behind us.
"Carl, come on. We're almost there." I say to him. I grab onto his arm and lead him in the direction of the sewers.
He's so sweaty. He doesn't look good at all. I have me arm around his waist practically holding him up. He's so warm. It feels like i'm right against a fire place, not my boyfriend. Hear what sounds like Negan breaking down the gate. I keep hearing explosions. We finally make it to where the sewer is when we see a couple of Negan's people.
"On the ground kid!" One says. Carl takes a smoke grenade and we are able to get down into the sewer. Almost like a magic trick. "Damnit."
"Come on!" the other on says and the run in the direction they think we went.
I look over at Carl. He looks absolutely terrible. Even with how dark it is I can see all the sweat and how pale he is.
"Carl, what happened?" I ask.
"Don't... don't worry." He tells me as we continue to walk to where Siddiq is and the rest of our group should be.
"Carl... please don't hide things from me. You're not okay. Something happened. I need to know."
He looks down at me. "Let's get to where everyone is."
We walk and and only see Siddiq. He looks at Carl knowing something is wrong. I sit him down and have him lean against he wall. He looks so tired.
"Is it your leg? It looks pretty bad. I'm sure there's something for it..." I start to say.
"Lilly, it's not that." He grabs my hand to stop me from getting up and getting stuff for him.
"What is it?"
"I don't know how to tell you."
"Just tell me. Carl."
Tears start to form in my eyes. He lets go of my hand. He pulls up his shirt where a patch like bandage is. He pulls that down to reveal a bite. I look at the to his face.
"I got bit Lill, I got bit." He tells me and puts the bandage back in and let's his shirt fall.
Carl reaches up and whips the tears from my face. I have no idea what to say. Soon everyone but Rick and Michonne come. They see me and Carl on the floor. They told us Michonne went to find Rick.
I think they all figured what happened by how Carl look and how I look. Rick. He's going to loose his son. Carl holds my hand. I give Carl some water. It took some convincing for him to take it but he does. I also wet a cloth and put it on his face to try and cool him down as much as I can. We hear the explosions and feel them.
Rick and Michonne find us. They see Siddiq before us.
"I brought him here. We brought him here." Carl says and looks up at his Dad and Michonne. "That's how it happened."I stand up and let go of Carl's hand. To give him, Rick, and Michonne privacy.
Carl is dying. I'm standing by Daryl who is holding Judith. Who has no clue what is happenin. Tears fall from my eyes. Carl's dying and there's nothing we can do to save him this time.
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i fucking hate this. but don't worrying i'll be writing and alternant ending where Carl lives bc Carl deserves better than to die if a bite. Anyways sorry for the long wait. I've haven't had much time to write but hopefully will soon.
Btw rewatching this episode made me cry again. oof. WHY.