If people are going to be allowed to say "we love you" and "I love you", they'd better have the backbone to prove it. Love isn't just a word."
C. JoyBell C.
We now begin the count down to the end of bred in violence, I hope you guys are excited as I am.
Raphael
"What do you mean you think she is pregnant?" Romano and Bruno asked at the same time, both their eyes fixed on me. We were skyping with Rom who was still in Kenya and still keeping us in the dark as to why he was there.
"Has she not mentioned it?" This from Bruno who was now standing beside me.
"I don't think she knows" I was both worried and excited. How could I let this happen, we had been so careful so meticulous. Yet part of me was looking forward to being a father.
"And you think you know?" Bruno sounded bewildered.
"I don't think I know, I know for a fact she is pregnant! Oh, fuck, saying that out loud just scared the shit out of me"
I sat with my hands on my face, my heart racing frantically. I could hear the guys mumbling but I couldn't make out their words. My mind was filled with scenarios and reasons why I shouldn't be a father.
How could I let this happen? What the hell was I thinking?
I had never thought of having children or a permanent woman in my life until Sophie innocently waltzed into my life looking beautiful and impeccable. Her hair burning red huddled and trying to be invisible.
I should have turned my face from her then, I should have agreed with her boss to let the other girl—whose face I couldn't remember to take us to view the house—but I didn't, I had insisted I wanted Sophie. Now she was pregnant with my child, I was about to be a father.
"How do you know and she doesn't?"
"Probably the same reason she didn't know the first time" Rom muttered. "damn, you need to tell her before anything happens"
"What do you mean before anything happens?" my voice felt alien to me, I hadn't forgotten what happened the last time, it was still very much ingrained in my mind.
Sophie not eating
Sophie not sleeping
Sophie crying every time and me feeling helpless and useless.
I couldn't go back to that. I didn't think Sophie would survive it a second time. I didn't think I would survive it again without going insane.
"I'm still waiting to know how you know she's pregnant?"
"C'mon, she is showing."
"I saw the woman this morning in a fitting dress top. No, she is not showing" Bruno asserted, lighting a cigarette, pausing to puff off before adding, "I think you're mistaken"
"No, I'm not"
"I think Raph knows she is showing because his hands have a lot more to hold" Romano's voice held uncharacteristic humour "I guess congratulations are in order" he added.
"Son of a gun! How can you know she's added by holding her when she still looks the same"
"It's a lover's privilege B let it go" Rom snapped.
"I never know when my lovers add weight"
"That's because you're not emotionally attached to them"
"Are you saying emotions are the only prerequisite to knowing a woman is gaining weight"
"No. We can add the fact that you're a whore"
I listened to them argue and insult each other while I remained with my thoughts. I wondered how Sophie would react.
Would she be scared, excited, disappointed? The last time I asked her if she wanted my baby, she'd said no. But to be fair, I had said the same.
"How can I be a whore? I'm a man!"
"Then you're a man whore" Rom declared loudly and precisely.
"Oh please! you think you're a saint? You are as bad—oh fucking shit! You're there for a woman aren't you?"
"And that's my cue to say adios—Rom don't fucking sign off" Bruno shouted a few seconds before we were both left staring at a black screen.
Son of bitch
My sentiment exactly.
It was a little past 9 pm, still early to go home, but I missed Sophie and I really wanted to tell her she was pregnant. But it got me thinking, what if she knew she was pregnant and she was just afraid to tell me because she thought I wouldn't be happy about the baby?
What if she was afraid I would abandon both of them? For some reason that pissed me off, it made me angry. How could she even think that?
Calm down, that is just your twisted imagination
I chastised myself.
"Congratulations boss" Bruno tapped my back "You have an heir" he added smiling like loony.
"I hope to God this one will be born because I don't think I have the fortitude to withstand another loss"
"It's gonna be okay" of course Bruno would say that, what else was there to say but I knew I wouldn't have a moment of peace until that baby was born.
"You know this means we have to be vigilant about security and smoke out the fucking mole before the baby is born"
I inhaled deeply, nodding as I sat on the passenger's seat to allow Bruno to drive.
Today was one of those days that I needed his maniac driving. I needed to get home sooner. Hold Sophie, breathe in her hair, listen to her voice as she chatted away about everything and nothing.
What did I do before I met her? I wondered.
"I think you're right—about Rom chasing after a girl"
"I didn't say chasing"
"Nevertheless he is"
"Who is the girl?"
I shrugged, frowned a little as I thought back to a rumour I had heard a few years back "ever wondered why Rom loathes Stefano so much"
"I always thought it was because Rom seemed so sanctimonious sometimes "
I laughed at that "He is not sanctimonious, you're just prickled because he called you a man whore"
"I never get prickled"
"Fine. Anyway, two years ago, there was a rumour among the heads of the families that Stefano had fathered a girl with a woman he had raped over a decade ago"
Bruno huffed, spinning the car at the end of the lane to get in between a corolla and a truck. "Christ B, can't you just follow the fucking traffic like everybody else?"
"You're the one who said you wanted to get home to your woman as soon as possible"
"Yes, but not in a body-bag you crazy bastard"
"If my driving hasn't killed you by now, it's never gonna kill you." He announced gleeful, breaking out of the highway traffic and taking a shortcut instead. "Back to why Stefano is a bastard which is not really a surprise to anyone who knows him, but how is that connected to Rom?"
I was silent for a minute or so before resuming our conversation "It was also the same duration that Rom disappeared for two months"
"Yes, but he wasn't in Kenya then. He was in Marseille, son of a bitch almost got himself killed." Bruno pointed out, an accurate description. Romano's previous disappearance without telling us a word was the reason we were both in such tenterhooks but at least we knew where he was this time.
"Do you think we should send him a shadow?"
"We could but he might never trust us again"
"Its better than having to bury him" Bruno argued "I'm still waiting for you to tell me how Rom has anything to do with Stefano's daughter"
"I heard of the rumour during the meeting where I sat with Rom for his first official meeting when he got so pissed he shot glass of water to make a point. One of the reasons he did it was that Donato and Romigi started urging, betting on her after one of them announced Stefano intended to give her over to the highest bidder"
"Jesus! Selling his own kid"
"Apparently he stole her from under her mother's nose"
"I'm evil, but I ain't that evil"
"But these things happen all the time. Antonio forced his firstborn son to marry into a more connected family than his when he started losing money."
I saw Bruno throw me a disconcerting look from the rear mirror "What?" I barked.
"You rarely talk about your father"
"He is not my father, and I kind of talked about him to Sophie"
I turned my face to the window, watching as we passed the numerous buildings on our way home. There was no car behind or in front of us; just a clear path and Bruno looking at me like I had suddenly grown horns.
"I'm suspecting Romano made it his mission to save the girl. I think you're right, he really is sanctimonious." I said as I jumped off the car almost running to the house; partly to avoid any questions regarding Antonio and because I missed Sophie. "We are not done yet, I still don't understand how he saved her" I heard him shouting behind me.
"We'll figure it out tomorrow, in the meantime, I got to see my girl"
I heard him mumble something, probably something derogatory, but I didn't care; my girl was a few steps away.
Sophie jolted at the sound of her name, setting aside the magazine she was perusing to look at me, a smile curving at the corner of the mouth.
"Hello stranger" she whispered, her lips parting, outstretching her arms for me. 'How can I be a stranger when I was here this morning"
"Really? I feel like you've been gone forever" She whispered again, as she curled her fingers around the corners of my hair, a breath of warm air touching my cheeks as she brought my mouth to hers.
"Welcome home my love" She touched my face, kissing my forehead like I was a treasure; that act alone was almost my undoing.
"You're so beautiful," I said, kissing her back. She gasped "So are you. all cheekbones and raw masculinity, I was so intimidated the first time I saw you."
"Were you wishing for the ground to swallow you by the way?" I smiled into her hair
"I was trying to go unnoticed. You're like a warrior, a man who is used to getting his own way"
I lifted both eyebrows. "How comes I don't get my way with you?'
"Because you love me and I won't let you" she laughingly said. I reached out and caught a lock of her hair coiling it around my finger.
"I need to tell you something" I breathed my eyes looking into hers. "Oh my God, is it about Romano?"
"No, Rom is okay, we talked today actually—and before you begin a litany of names, everyone you love is okay" She exhaled loudly and I chocked a laugh as I held her waist to move her so she could stand in front of me, my hands resting on her midsection for longer than it was required, trying to feel the life inside of her.
"Have you been feeling okay lately?"
"I don't understand. What are you asking?"She shifted a little from my arms, staring into my eyes.
"Cara, I think you're pregnant" She stepped back from my arms, her mouth slightly opened in shock, her eyes never leaving mine.
Oh shit! She didn't know. But I figured that was better than thinking I wouldn't be open to the idea of the baby.
"What?"
"You're pregnant" I stated again.
"You just said you thought I was pregnant— now you know?"
"Your body has changed, your boobs are a little bigger than they were, your hips as well"
"Oh my God, it happened again. You're telling me I'm pregnant and I don't even know?"
"It's okay cara."
"How can it be okay? Raphael, I cannot go through the same again, I couldn't handle it a second time—how did it happen, they gave me a birth control shot" she was in a panic mode, her hands shook I was afraid she was going to faint. "Please sit down" I pleaded.
"How can I sit down?"
"Sit down Sophie," I said in a low explosive voice. "Please tell what has you so overwrought. Is it because you didn't know you're pregnant or because you don't want our baby?"
"How can you ask that? Of course, I want our baby, do you?"
"Definitely" I announced, giving her hand a soft squeeze.
"You need to go to the store" She rose up abruptly almost running to the bathroom, her right hand resting on her stomach.
"It's almost 10 pm cara" I followed her "We can do this in the morning"
"Then you should have thought of that before you told me" She had lifted her sweater, caressing her tummy and fascinatingly stared at her tummy. "Are you sure there is a baby in here?" her voice trembled.
I nodded.
"What are you doing?" She glared at me in the mirror "Getting someone to bring us the pregnancy kit"
"Unless I conceived with whoever you're calling, get it yourself" Her tone dry, she continued to watch me, like she expected me to disagree with her but I wasn't that stupid. I picked my jacket from the corner of the bed and left childishly but excitedly banging the door behind me.
Bruno was still in the car. Leaning his head on the headrest, a cigarette at the corner of his mouth. He looked lost and tired.
He turned abruptly towards me with squinting eyes, like he lacked the strength to open them fully.
"What the hell are you still doing here?"
"Minding my own business. What the hell are you doing back?"
"I have to go buy a pregnancy test"
"Can't you do that tomorrow morning"
"Oh, thank you, Bruno! How did I not think of that?"
He laughed then. Laughter lighting his whole face.
"I'm guessing it was her idea. But why didn't you just send someone to do it? "
"I was going to..." I swallowed a cough "But she said unless she conceived with whoever I was calling, to go get it myself"
Then he laughed again. Completely happy even though he was smoking again, a sure sign that something was disturbing him.
Sophie was really pregnant. She took the test thrice, ignoring me when I said once was enough. I suspected she would take another one in the morning.
"My children will not be in the mafia Raphael," she said without preamble.
"Children? we're getting more than one?" I smiled at her pout.
"I hope we will. Would you want that?"
"Whatever you want" I whispered, turning her so she could face me. Her hair spread on the pillow, resembled a mass of burning coal.
"If I refuse to let my children join the mafia, will you get another woman to birth you an heir?" I thought she was joking, maybe it's because of the way she'd phrased the question, I was about to laugh it off until I saw her stern face.
"You're serious? cara, your children will be my only children. Your children will be my only heirs. But I ask only one favour"
"What?" I could see her holding her breath like I was about to ask for one of her children to be a blood sacrifice.
"I teach them how to shoot when they're young"
"Define young" She breathlessly said
"Maybe ten"
"What about eighteen?"
"Cara, they need to be able to protect themselves"
"With guns?"
"Absolutely! That is my only stipulation"
"Fine," she said and I pulled her in my arms, kissing her and she kissed me back. I could taste her fear, excitement and love and it was like a drug.
'May I point out that once our children turn sixteen or so, you may not actually be able to control them, they'll choose their own path. Whatever that is" Then I kissed her before she could get me into an argument over children that were not even born yet.
Hmm.
How do you feel about Sophie being pregnant?
Do you also think Rom is sanctimonious?
And is B a man whore?
Talk to me please. ❤