Chapter 6: Her
I hadn’t laughed in months and all it took was a lunch date out with my bestfriend Marie. I’ve known Marie since my freshman year of college and we’ve been like sisters every since. She invited her twin sister Mary, who I’ve recently became close with.
Mary decided we needed a day out at Fridays. I just wanted to drink. I hadn’t had a drink in a long time.
“Hows the kids,” Mary asked Marie.
Marie always said she would be alone. She had the love of her life and twin girls. Brittany and Courtney are only two years old and bad as they wonna be. They are so gorgeous though. They look just like so much like Marie....and Mary. You would think Brittany and Courtney were Mary’s kids too.
“They cry like they just came home.”
I laughed. Brittany and Courtney were screamers if they didn’t get what they wanted. They are two years old and they know how to use daddy to get what they want. Marie’s not having that though.
“How are yours kids doing?” I asked Mary.
“Bad as ever.” We laughed. “I can’t believe I let my husband talk me into another one.”
Mary was pregnant with her third child. Mary never wanted kids but she loved being a mother we all knew that. Her husband didn’t talk her into anything. She wanted it just as much as he did.
“Girl you lucky you don’t have kids,” Marie said playfully than she looked at my face, which probably had pitiful written all over it. “I’m so sorry Shay.”
That’s when the first tear dropped. What they had I wanted and I was jealous. I wanted a little girl or a little boy to call me mommy. I wanted a bad kid running around the house driving me and Chris crazy. I wanted to give Chris a son. I wanted to change dippers and wake up in the middle of the night to get the crying baby. I wanted it so bad it hurt. The sad part was I knew I would never get it.
“I gotta go.” I dropped a 2o on the table and rushed to the door. I could hear my friends calling for me to come back but I couldn’t face them. I just wanted to be alone. I could only be happy for five minutes, than after that everything went horribly wrong. I was just spiraling down.
I could never face anything so I always run off, it was an easy way out. I was in such a dark place. I just wanted to be alone and cry all the times. I wanted to think about my horrible life. I didn’t want to bring others down.
I drove to a park and sat in my car thinking.
I remember the day I walked in on Chris setting at his desk with his secretary half-naked. I was so angry. I stormed out of his office because I didn’t want to face him, he followed after me but he couldn’t keep up. I went home and started packing my stuff, I was going to leave his ass. I told him I would never play a fool. I was halfway out the door when Chris pulled up in the driveway.
“Please talk to me,” Chris asked.
I bellowed, “I told you I will never play second best and I will never play the fool.”
“I swear…”
I cut him off, “I did not lie to you and even if I did that don’t give you the right to screw your secretary.”
“I swear on everything I was trying to stop her. Baby please believe me.” Chris pleaded.
We were on the front porch fussing with each other. I didn’t want to fight anymore. I walked around him to get down the step but my foot got caught in the shoulder strap of my laptop bag. I tripped and fell down the steps.
I laid on our lawn for what seemed like forever I couldn’t believe I had just fell down the porch steps. Once I realized I had really fell I busted into tears. Earlier that morning I had gone to the doctor to get my test results and I found out I was pregnant. Chris and I had been trying for more than a year to get pregnant. So you can image why I was so upset. While I was lying on the ground I was thinking, now I’m pregnant and I could lose this baby. All I could do was cry.
Chris rushed down the steps to my side. By then I was on my back with my hands cover my face. “Baby are you okay,” He touched my shoulder and I pulled away from him. “Are you hurt?”
I just cried no. Over and over again.
“Shay,” Chris said in my ears as I laid there thinking about the baby I had probably just lost. “Shay,” Chris said again with so much remorse.
“I’m pregnant,” I cried out.
I heard him say lowly, “O god no.”
Next thing I know, I’m in Chris’s arms being carried to his truck.
“When did you find this out?” Chris asked me as we drove. At the time I didn’t know where he was taking me.
“O my gosh Chris. I’m going to lose our baby again,” I cried.
Chris kept comforting me and telling me everything was going to be okay. I didn’t believe him. I had just taken a tumble down four steps in my mind there was no way our baby would live.
Chris was right though, our baby was perfectly fine for the moment. I rejoiced in happiness.
We spent hours in the hospital room talking about the secretary from work that tried to steal my man. She got fired but that didn’t stop me from disliking her. She tried to push up on my husband knowing Chris was married. Chris explained she dropped her clothes in front of him and he tried to stop her. I was still upset with him for weeks but I got over it. I believed Chris would never cheat on me or hurt me in that way. Until now.
I was startle by a knock on my car window. I looked up from the staring wheel to find Tonya in my blurry watery eyes. I wiped my tears and stared at her for a moment. I couldn’t believe she walked up to my car after all she did. I step out of my car and slammed the door to show her how angry I was. This girl had a bet down coming to her and she didn’t even know it.
Before she could get a word out I shoved her. “bitch how dare you show your face to me.”
I hadn’t seen her in a few months. After what happened to my daughter Tonya and I haven’t been cool. In fact I still owe her a bet down and the death of my daughter was over a year ago. Her and I haven’t be in the same room for longer than a minute so I still haven’t whipped her ass. I tried to kick her ass the day she stopped by my house after I got out of the hospital but Chris held me back. She got lucky but this time she would not. It was just me and her. On top of that I was anger about so much and she was going to feel all of it.
Tonya looked at me as if I had done something wrong. She looked at me like I had no right to be upset with her. Yea my daughter died over a year ago but that didn’t change my pain.
“I just came to ask you how is Logan?”
“You still only care about yourself you vindictive bitch.”
“Shanay I’m so sorry for what happened to Renee but that was like 1o months ago.” I couldn’t believe she spoke my daughter’s name out load, she had no right. The fact that she couldn’t remember when my daughter died pissed me off even more. It wasn’t 10 months ago it was a year and 4 months ago. “I wish I could take it back. I wish I could do things differently. I lost a great friend and a husband for my stupid mistakes,” Tonya added.
I didn’t care what the hell she said, her ass was mine. She had an ass kicking coming to her. I punched her in the face. Right there in the park we were scraping like teenagers. I was hitting her in the face while she was pulling my hair. She, an ex-cop and I, an ex-FBI agent both with self-defense training but we were pulling each others hair. Two park rangers broke us up. Then they hauled our asses to jail. I sat in a holding cell happy I could get some licks in on Tonya. She deserved everything that was coming to her. I still wanted to kick her ass.
Christopher came to pick me up from the police station. I did not call him. Chris is a popular man so he knows a lot of police officers. One of them called him. He didn’t look too pleased when I came out to the front of the station. Since my car was still at the park I had to ride with Chris back to the house.
“Can we get my car?”
“It’s already at the house,” he informed me.
I nodded and we sat in silence the whole way to our house or what use to be our house. We had just moved into that house five years ago. I wanted the prefect house and Chris just wanted to make me happy. It should be full of babies and kids. What else would we need a five bed room house for? Actually, I just liked the house because at the time I didn’t want any kids. The five bedrooms were just for show at first. We searched a year just to find this house. That spring we were driving through the neighborhood to Visit Logan and Tonya. The house sat on the corner with a for sale sign. I made Chris turn around so I could write down the number. Since then I’ve been in love with this two story Victorian home.
“Thank you for picking me up and dropping me off,” I said to Chris as I dropped my purse on the kitchen counter.
“Yea um…what the hell was that about anyway?” I just gave him the stare down. “Why were you fighting her?”
I couldn’t believe he asked me that. What do you mean why was I fighting her? That heifer was the reason I will not see my daughter graduate high school. My husbands as never liked my temper and trust me I’m a ball of fury when angry. As I got older my temper vanished. But when it came to Tonya it all just came back out again. I promised every time I see her I will fight her.
“Lets just say I’m not over it.” I said with an attitude.
“I’m always here for you,” he informed me.
I knew at any moment or point in time he would always be there for me.
“I know.” He nodded. “I don’t think therapy is going work. I think we need time to ourselves. I'm going to send in the separation papers.”
I know, how rude of me to say such a thing after his heartfelt statement. His statement made me realize I cannot be there for him when I cannot be there for myself. It’s not fair to him. Plus I need some time to myself to figure out what I wanted.
“It’s just I’m not the person I use to be. I can’t be there for myself let alone some else.” I tried to explain to him.
“If that’s what you really want.”
I knew he wasn’t too happy but I also knew he would never show me his weak side. He acted real nonchalant about the whole situation. That was his proud talking. I always told him his proud would have him lonely at the end of the day. I guess that statement wasn’t too farfetched seems how our marriage has pretty much ran its course. It’s not that I wanted to divorce him, I wanted him to be happy and I could tell he wasn’t happy. Separation is not a divorce. Who knows maybe it'll bring us closer together.
“You can stay the night if you want. It is your house.”
I know Chris had been sleeping in hotels and he shouldn’t have to. He brought the house, it should be his.
“I’m going to stay and pack the rest of my stuff.”
“It is your house I’ll leave when I find something else.”
“How bout we just sale it.” Chris said.
I nodded because that worked. I left him in the kitchen and went to the room we use to share with each other. I didn’t bother to take my clothes off. Instead I laid in bed and thought about my life. How did I get this far? Where would I go from here? I can’t believe the man I can’t live without is the man I'm trying separate from. It’s only for his own good.
I closed my eye's just to think about the good time Chris and I shared. I was close to sleep when suddenly I couldn’t breathe. No matter how hard I tried to, not air escaped my mouth. I open my eyes to find someone on top of me with their arms wrapped around my neck. Everything turned black before I could even fight back.