Hi beautiful people, before I let you jump into this week's chapter, I want to thank you for all your reads and votes. Bred in violence is actually dancing around #4, the highest-ranking so far, and #24 on young adults. Isn't that amazing!!! You guys are amazing. Also, I got to accomplish my short-term goal of attaining 100 followers. (please don't unfollow me) Thank you, Thank you, thank you so much. 😍😍😍
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The best way to heal a broken heart, it turns out, is to find a way to move past the hurt.
~Mary Kay Andrews~
*Unedited*
Raphael
Sophie got up and continued to pack, putting almost all her stuff haphazardly on the traveling bag. I stood at the door watching. Her hands trembled, her eyes misty even as she tried to hide her face using her hair; I could still see the tears anyway.
"Why did you let me make love to you?" I asked suddenly. It had been bothering me why she would let it happen, considering how mad and hurt she was.
"I didn't let you." She said softly.
I felt my body react violently to that, shooting my eyes at her.
"That is not what I mean. Of course, you would never force me." She said as she lifted the bag from the bed and headed towards the door, which was where I was standing.
"Then why did you."
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does matter. You were still obviously mad at me; I just want to know why you ambushed me."
"Ambushed you? Oh please! You wanted me as much as I wanted you."
"Yes, I wanted you. I've always wanted you. I've told you that often. I will always want you! The question is, why did you let me, feeling as you did?"
"As I said, it doesn't matter since it'll never happen again."
I was tempted to prove her wrong, to master her and demonstrate that she was mine and it would indeed happen again, but I did not, I was the one in the wrong, and I knew it.
"Okay, keep your secrets," I said, opening the door to let her out.
The first time Sophie was mad at me was when she found out I was in the mafia. She was mad then, heartbroken even, but that was nothing compared to her now. As I watched her seated beside me in the jet, her hair covering half her face, she looked fragile, torn, hurting, and spitting mad.
It was in the way she shot angry looks at me, the way she spoke in a monosyllable, grunts and nods, but not with words.
But while she remained mad at me, she treated everyone around us with civility and grace.
The way she smiled at Romano or the way she chastised Bruno for smoking.
"That is a very bad habit you've started," She said.
"It's an old habit. I started smoking when I was ten; it's a habit I keep picking up every time I'm in an unpleasant situation."
She laughed then, a beautiful sound, though I could feel the restrain and see the despair in her eyes.
She avoided speaking to me the whole of the journey. She never spoke to me even once of her own volition. But neither did I speak to her. I realized that I needed to give her some space without bombarding her with what I wanted.
I didn't want to let her out of my sight, but I had to. I pulled out her luggage and dropped it in the SUV that Bruno had just hired, then going round to sit on the front passenger's seat instead of the back with her; somehow, I was tired of the silent treatment.
Lucky for us, or to be precise lucky for me, her grandmother wasn't at home, which meant that I didn't have to explain or lie about why her granddaughter was not talking to me.
I didn't know what I could have said, but I knew without a doubt I wouldn't have told the truth.
How do you begin to tell such a woman of our predicament?
I wondered whether I could refer to it as a weakness or would I say it was a mistake, which it was.
Sophie leaned down and picked up a key from under a flower pot that stood outside the house. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I was horrified.
"Are you kidding me? Under a pot? Outside?"
"It's not a big deal!" she shot back.
"It's not a big deal, she says. Do you know how many people can access this house, hide inside and pounce when you least expect it? Especially at night."
"You're overreacting."
Suddenly, I took the key from her fingers, opened the door as I threw the bag to the floor seconds before I flattened her body on the same door. I could feel my anger emanating from every pole in my body; my hands shook, my mouth felt dry, and my eyes shone with anger. I wanted to shake her until she got it through her senses that her life was tied to mine.
She was angry as I was; in fact, I think she was contemplating killing me if her eyes were to be believed.
"Haven't you learned anything in the last twenty-four hours?" I asked, still holding her against the door. Her face flushed, and her voice fluttered, muttering some nonsense that it's her life she can live however she wanted.
I laughed without humor, combing her hair with my fingers, leaning into her cheek when she tried to push away and turn to avoid my kiss.
"Wrong. Your life is mine. I know you're mad at me, Cara, hell, I'm mad at myself, but please never treat your life as cavalier as someone with nothing to lose. You've got a lot to lose," I breathed, hugging my body to hers.
"My life is not your Raphael," She protested madly.
This girl was not giving me an inch.
I lifted my head, looking at her drawn face one more time before pulling her out of my arms. "Sorry," I said, without meaning it. "I can't leave you here alone."
"The audacity," she seethed before I lifted my hand to stop the tirade.
"Save it; you're not winning this one. I will carry you if I have to."
"You wouldn't dare" her face went harder, if not angrier.
"I would dare a lot," I muttered. I was glad we did not have an audience for this. Fighting with Sophie was interesting, but not when she was mad at me. Not when she was hurting and knowing I was the one that put doubt and sadness in her eyes.
"Please, cara, it's just until your grandmother comes," I cajoled. Eventually, I left Romano with her because it became clear I was not wanted.
I would be back. I thought. I would be back to claim my girl back, by all means necessary except lie through it. Apparently, lying to save one's skin was frowned upon in women's land.
I drove Bruno and me to the house I bought the first time Sophie run away from me. It was small with simpler décor, but with tight security just as we needed for the few days, we were here.
"You know, if you had listened to me in the first place, none of this could have happened," Bruno said, a grimace on his face, leaning back on the seat. His eyes closed.
"Doesn't matter now. Though technically, you came at me when I was already in that situation."
He chuckled.
"Something funny?" I asked, glancing at him
"You! Who would have thought that you might fall for an innocent girl like a ton of bricks?"
"I haven't fallen for anyone!" I protested, but I heard my voice tremble, and my heart skipped for what seemed like an eternity.
"Yes, you have. Stop fighting it. Fighting it is what has brought us here" I wanted to argue, but I knew I would never win. Bruno had a canny way of maneuvering around and presenting me with indubitable arguments that left me angry and silent.
"How do you know I have fallen?" I demanded, turning to look at him, forgetting that I was driving.
"Eyes on the road! Jesus Raph, you want to kill us both?"
"Why do you think I've fallen?" I asked instead. Ignoring his question.
"Because last week you told her. In Italian, but it still counts."
"How the hell do you know that?"
"Believe me, if I had a choice between being woken up at wee hours of the morning and knowing, I would have chosen the former."
"She asked you the meaning" it wasn't really a question; it was a realization. A whisper of realization. I had told her the same words in Rio, but she had known the meaning then.
Cara, I have only ever made love to you. Ti amo cara. I remembered whispering
Don't! Don't say it. Not to manipulate me. She had known the meaning. She had demanded
She knew what I was saying, yet she had rejected the words as much as she had rejected me.
"Yes, she asked me. She was so happy when I told her the meaning. I think I saw tears in her eyes."
I didn't say anything though I admitted one thing I wouldn't have in any other circumstances.
"I'm worried she might never forgive me."
I had exposed a weakness. A don should never be seen as weak. But I didn't feel like the don or the boss at that moment. I was a man in the blink of losing his woman.
"She will. But I think where unfaithfulness is concerned, you only get one shot, one card, and you're about to play it. If you ever mess up again, if she ever finds out you've been with another woman after this, she won't forgive you. That is how you'll lose her forever."
I heard the serious tone in his voice; the conviction that Sophie will forgive me brought my face to him slightly before turning them back to the road.
After that, we drove in silence. I with my own demons while Bruno slept until I started hearing his even breaths. I have always thought Bruno's ability to fall asleep anywhere and past 10 am was more of a blessing than a curse.
He slept like he had no care in the world. Like his sleep was more important than anything else. The world could burn up, and Bruno wouldn't give a shit as long as he got to sleep.
The worst thing about staying in a new house was the unfamiliarity. I knew nothing except what my team had told me, and while it was dangerous to be in this strange house, it was imperative to be near Sophie.
I could barely sleep that day, but that wasn't new; I rarely slept but knowing Sophie was within reach was better than sleep.
At midnight, the only noise I heard was the grandfather cloth in the living room chiming so loudly I thought it was broken. But I didn't mind the noise; it kept me company.
I still couldn't believe that I had messed up what Sophie and I had. The arrogance I must have felt to think she would just forgive me for an indiscretion that she seemed to deem as actual infidelity.
But looking from her perspective, it really was infidelity. I broke her trust, threw the love she had for me back into her face, chose someone else over her because I felt lonely, distraught, and angry. However, if I was honest, I had wanted to hurt her for walking out on me and for looking at me like I was the dirt beneath her shoes.
Father José was right; honesty was the only ticket I had out of this conundrum. To get Sophie to trust me again, I had to tell her things I had never told anyone else. Things that only Rom and Bruno knew about me.
I was going to have to be vulnerable, bare my soul to gain her trust. It's not something I was looking forward to, but it had to be done.
Hindsight is indeed 20/20. If I knew that incident would cause me this much trouble, I wouldn't have done it. It's ironic, really, that a woman I couldn't even remember how she looked like was destroying my life.
But I wasn't letting anything fuck with my life, our life.
Eventually, I got tired of turning and tossing and got up, walking to what I knew was Romano's bedroom; the light was on, and I could hear soft Italian music coming from his room.
I knocked, but there was no answer. I knocked again, still no answer.
I opened the door, expecting to find no one yet wanting to confirm. Romano lay on his back, his hand over his face and legs hanging over the bed.
"Why are you not answering the door?"
"I was ignoring you," came the reply.
"Sophie, okay"
"Sure, your girl is fine."
I knew she was fine, but it was good to hear it.
"Are you okay"
"Couldn't be better," he said sarcastically.
I didn't know what was happening with him, but as soon as I get Sophie back, I was going to find out.