Hey there,
I really REALLY enjoyed the descriptions. I can really visualize it all.
Argh the only thing (extremely easy to correct) is spacing. Where one idea ends is basically where you press enter.
A good place to hit the 'enter' button is where you write "blood".
Example:
"[...] hell. Blood. Dripping from the faucets, [...]"
Correction:
"[...] hell.
Blood.
Dripping from the faucets, [...]"
It really packs a punch, to the gut for the reader. I like it. I really like the emphasis you put on the word blood. Even BETTER correction, italicize the word 'blood'.
Double Corrected:
"[...] hell.
Blood.
Dripping from the faucets, [...]"
So every time you write "Blood." as a statement, separating the phrases, italicize and press enter. It really adds to the passage!
I really enjoyed the description. You have potential, now write it out! :D
~Julian
Date: 23 June 2014